Asking for the bathroom

[MrsJWine]

I think you're really overthinking a question that's completely common and normal. If you're at a good friend's house, you don't need to ask, obviously. But if you don't know where the bathroom is, or it's an acquaintance, "May I use the restroom?" is just how you indicate that you need to use the restroom, and perhaps they could tell you where it is.

If someone I barely know asks me, "How are you?" in a public setting, I don't launch into a detailed list of all the things that are wrong that day. The question, taken literally, really is asking how I'm doing, but in such a setting with someone I don't know, that's not really what they're looking for; they're just being courteous. Likewise, "May I use the bathroom?" isn't really asking for permission; it's just how people say it. Still, if you really hate it, "Where is your restroom, please?" accomplishes the same.

[LifeOnPluto]

I don't see the big deal in asking "Where's your bathroom?" I personally would find it odd if anyone was offended by that (or thought it too "blunt", etc).

If I knew where the bathroom was, I'd just say something like "Excuse me" or "Just going to use the bathroom - back in a minute" or something.

[Gail]

Well, I always thought it was good manners to "warn" the host that you're going elsewhere, because not doing it could mean that you leave to roam the house on your own.

[that_one_girl]

How about "Donde esta el bano?" (yeah I'm missing a lot of accent marks, sorry) or if you are feeling polite, tack "Perdoname" onto the front? I'm not sure if there is a more appropriate/polite word than "bano"?
Asking where the bathroom is definitely gives the opportunity for them to give any special instructions, such as "hold the lever down for a count of five when you flush" or "don't let the cat out, I have her pinned up in there today" or whatever
If you already know where the bathroom is, just excuse yourself and go.  Your friend shouldn't be bothered.

[Yvaine]

Well, I always thought it was good manners to "warn" the host that you're going elsewhere, because not doing it could mean that you leave to roam the house on your own.

I didn't see anyone talking about not saying anything at all--just what wording to use.

(Though at a more "big crowd milling around" kind of party, I'd probably think it was weird if a guest made a special point of finding the host in the crowd just to tell them they were going to the bathroom--not asking where it is, just to announce--because it would feel like a little kid asking permission. Saying something when you leave for the bathroom is really more for a party where everyone is sitting together in one room. And of course you can always ask the host where it is if you don't know, no matter what kind of party it is.)

[jmarvellous]

In a place where I already know the location of the toilet, I simply walk away (in a large group, if I'm not talking to anyone one-on-one) or say, "Pardon me" or "Excuse me for a moment!"

Works just fine!

[Thipu1]

When we have guests, we greet them, take their coats, offer a seat and a drink.  The next thing we say is, 'There's a bathroom two doors down on the right' and point to the hall. 

  Visitors may want to freshen make-up, wash hands or comb hair before relaxing in the living room. This is a way to let them know that the bathroom is available any time it may be needed.

       

[VorFemme]

When we have guests, we greet them, take their coats, offer a seat and a drink.  The next thing we say is, 'There's a bathroom two doors down on the right' and point to the hall. 

  Visitors may want to freshen make-up, wash hands or comb hair before relaxing in the living room. This is a way to let them know that the bathroom is available any time it may be needed.
       

I was always amazed at how many guests didn't know their left from their right and wandered into the wrong room, "by accident".  Depending on the house - they might have ended up in VorGuy's home office, the baby's room, the guest room, or the master bedroom (which did have a toilet, sink, and shower in it).  But they weren't supposed to end up in the master bedroom or the baby's room......either because those rooms weren't cleaned up for company or because there was "stuff" in there that wasn't intended to be seen by guests (diaper pail comes to mind, cat litter pan, or the hosts showered & changed clothes literally minutes before the first guests showed up and the bathroom looks like it).

[Xandraea]

At a Hogwarts themed birthday party for my DD, I taped a sign across the double-door'd office (effectively sealing it), with an arrow pointing left.  The sign said, "Moaning Myrtle"  (The kids got a kick out of it, and it kept them out of my office, too!)

If I were hosting any other group, I'd do something similar, as the washroom is around the corner out of sight from the main part of my house.  Closing doors to rooms meant to stay private, leaving the washroom door open, and a light on inside makes it clear where guests should go.  Signage just helps point the way.

I agree with all who've said, if you know where the bathroom is, unless guests are all seated together (i.e. dinner table), it's fine to just go use it.  If seated together, excuse yourself quietly and go use it.  If you don't know where it is, quietly ask the host where it is, say thank you, and go use it.

[Goodness]

I agree with the several previous posters who mention 'over-thinking.' We're not living in a 1950s sit-com; we're allowed to say 'bathroom.'

At my age, I need a potty break fairly frequently. If I don't know where the bathroom is, I'll just say "'Scuse me, where's your bathroom?" And if I've been in the home before and know, it's "'Scuse me; I'll be right back." The instant I head for the bathroom, my host(ess) knows what's up without my having to mention it.

[kareng57]

Well, I always thought it was good manners to "warn" the host that you're going elsewhere, because not doing it could mean that you leave to roam the house on your own.

That sounds pretty odd to me; presumbably, if guests are invited for more than a 2-hour or so period, it would seem to be a given that they would need to use the bathroom facilities.  If they've been there before and already know where they are - then, what's the issue?

If a host figures that I'm "roaming the house" while simply looking for the facilities or finding the coat closet - that would probably be my last visit to the house, in any event.

[cicero]

When we have guests, we greet them, take their coats, offer a seat and a drink.  The next thing we say is, 'There's a bathroom two doors down on the right' and point to the hall. 

  Visitors may want to freshen make-up, wash hands or comb hair before relaxing in the living room. This is a way to let them know that the bathroom is available any time it may be needed.

       

that's what i do. and if i'm a guest in someone's house - i just ask "where's the bathroom". I also think OP is overthinking this.

[Gail]

When we have guests, we greet them, take their coats, offer a seat and a drink.  The next thing we say is, 'There's a bathroom two doors down on the right' and point to the hall. 

  Visitors may want to freshen make-up, wash hands or comb hair before relaxing in the living room. This is a way to let them know that the bathroom is available any time it may be needed.

       

that's what i do. and if i'm a guest in someone's house - i just ask "where's the bathroom". I also think OP is overthinking this.

I'm not overthinking anything. A friend told me I was being blunt doing what I do, she thinks I should ask for permission to use the bathroom, and I wanted your opinion.

[kckgirl]

A friend ... thinks I should ask for permission to use the bathroom...

Your friend is wrong.

[audrey1962]

I'm not overthinking anything. A friend told me I was being blunt doing what I do, she thinks I should ask for permission to use the bathroom, and I wanted your opinion.

I do agree that you are being blunt by saying, "hey, I'm going to use the bathroom, if you don't mind." However, you do not need to ask permission to use the bathroom. If you already know where the room is located you merely say, "excuse me" and discretely leave.