General Etiquette > Life...in general

Question/s re: friends

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wenners:
I don't have many friends so I am uncomfortable confronting people when they treat me badly. I generally organise all the get togethers between my friends, because quite frankly, no one else will bother. A couple of months ago, I organised a dinner at a restaurant which I thought was only 15 minutes from 2 of the 4 people attending, it would take me and the other person at least an hour. Turns out one of the people who I thought lived closer had his lease ended and moved back to a place near me (ie. over an hour away). We were enjoying our evening and I offered to buy a drink for the person who lives 15 minutes a drink, and they said "I can't drink, I can't make it to things at this time, the bus only goes every half an hour from my house" and spent the entire night complaining about everything. I had openly suggested others contribute to ideas where we should go, and when we should get there, she said "I'm easy" and her cab fare would have been substaintally less than the rest of us in any case. A few weeks later, I again tried to organise something (after one of my other friends confirming everyone was available for that date) - when I sent a message along the lines of "just checking everyone is free for this weekend?", I got an (in my opinion, incredibly rude) response of along the lines of "I can't do that and knew nothing about it. I'm too tired" - when I referred to the message in question she eventually admitted she received it and said "i'll be in next time". I decided my best course of action was to say along the lines of "hey, I know your super busy right now and you really didn't like the last place we went to, so I'm going to leave it up to you to organise the next thing so it fits in with your bus timetable etc.". Now I feel like the bad guy. What did I do wrong?

Roe:
What did you do wrong?  You are trying to cater to someone who possibly just doesn't want to go, for whatever reason.

Stop trying so hard and organize what you want, close to your home and whoever comes along...great and whoever doesn't, there's next time. 

Oh Joy:
Welcome to the forum!

It's a bit tough to tell what went wrong with your friends, but I do have a suggestion that might work for you better than trying to organize a bunch of people who don't 'cooperate' well in planning:

Choose one person you'd like to see, make plans that work for the two of you, and let the others know that 'Jane and I are having dinner are The Restaurant on Thisday at Thato'clock.  Let us know if you'd like to join us.'  Of course, this requires that Jane be on board - when you initially start making plans with her - that whatever you do will be opened to the group.

Best wishes.

artk2002:
Good advice above about planning on one friend and letting the others join or not as they can. Drop the idea of having everybody in one place at one time.

Second advice is to expand your circle of friends. Obvious, I know, but it will give you a lot of other benefits.

Raintree:
Counterintuitive, I know, but you don't gain friends by bending over backwards to please people who contribute nothing; you gain users who don't respect you.

I'm not much of an organizer but I'm very appreciative of friends who are, and if they want to hold something that's too far away for me to attend, I thank them for the invite, and decline. If I attend, I express my appreciation for their organizational efforts.

I'd probably be leaving Complaining Friend off the invite list, and if asked why, say, "Oh, I didn't think you'd be interested as you didn't seem very enthusiastic the last two times."

ETA: I re-read the OP and I think your response was perfect. She complained about the way you organized yours, so it's perfectly reasonable that if she wants to be included, she should organize something herself.

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