General Etiquette > Life...in general

I'm sorry, but I can't be in the same room as X

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JeseC:
How exactly does one go about indicating that one does not wish to be at any events with a certain other person - someone with whom you have several mutual friends?  It's a circumstance I've unfortunately been in before (thankfully a while ago).  Due to the situation I was in I felt I had to go true no-contact with a certain individual.  Unfortunately the particular situation was not public knowledge, and we had many mutual friends that typically did things together as a group.  My solution at the time was to basically stop spending time with any of them.  Obviously this wasn't desirable, but was there a better way to handle this?

pearls n purls:
Unless you can't be in the same room as the other person due to a serious issue (restraining order, the person in stalking you, a physical threat to you or a family member, etc.), I don't think there is much you can do.

If you just dislike the person, I don't think it's right to put your mutual friends in the middle.

Why can't you be in the same room as the other person?   

The only option I can think of is that when talking about an upcoming event is to ask who is coming. 

TurtleDove:
I agree with pearls n purls - the details make a difference.  Personally, unless it is a restraining order worthy issue, I think it looks bad to declare "I refuse to be in the same room as X."  I get that I have a thicker skin than most, but to me this comes across as SS, expecting people to choose sides, making things that are not about you, well, about you.  Let the other person be a jerk if she needs to be, but don't make yourself out to be overly dramatic at the outset.

JeseC:

--- Quote from: TurtleDove on January 26, 2013, 03:45:46 PM ---I agree with pearls n purls - the details make a difference.  Personally, unless it is a restraining order worthy issue, I think it looks bad to declare "I refuse to be in the same room as X."  I get that I have a thicker skin than most, but to me this comes across as SS, expecting people to choose sides, making things that are not about you, well, about you.  Let the other person be a jerk if she needs to be, but don't make yourself out to be overly dramatic at the outset.

--- End quote ---

It would have been a restraining order issue, except X was extremely good at playing the part.  Suffice to say there was no evidence of anything and he was more than polite in public.  I didn't really want to say "I don't want to be with X because he does these things" because.  That's actually why I just dropped the group of friends - I didn't want to be the person "forcing people to take sides" at the time.  In retrospect I think the situation more than called for it, but I'm still not sure how it could have been handled.

TurtleDove:
If he's more than polite in public, and you don't want to get into the story with people, then I think you should either happily attend or happily not attend and assume he will be more than polite in public.  Any other plan makes you look bad, IMHO.

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