Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)

[hjaye]

I had a customer call for support on his line for internet that was recently fixed.  He said "Can you guarantee it will not EVER go down again?", I said "I Cannot".

I had something similar happen when I worked for a small IT consulting firm.  I was helping a client with their email since they had switched over to a Microsoft email system.  The client was a small company that had an senior IT person and a help desk person.  The senior engineer was not familiar with Microsoft's software so I was helping him as he learned the program. 

He did something one day that shutdown the entire email infrastructure, as he realized he had the system shutting down, he tried to abort the procedure.  This is not a smart thing to do, and sure enough, he corrupted the database.

I spent about three days getting things back up the way they were before he messed up the database.  I restored it, cleaned things up and all was good.

When I presented him with his fixed database and all corruption gone, his only response to me was, "Can you guarantee this will never happen again?"

I told him no I can't guarantee that.  All I can guarantee is that I followed Microsoft's documented best practices for restoring the database, and for cleaning up the database.

He never took responsibility for corrupting the database.  According to him, it was Microsoft's fault for allowing him to shut down the system without warning him the procedure he was about to perform would shut down the system.

[nutraxfornerves]

From Gravekeeper at Customers Suck_|http://www.customerssuck.com/board/showthread.php?t=98337]. Serious language warning. GK works in a call center.

Second tale, paraphrased:
GK: "Are you 19 or older, sir?"
Caller: "What? Of course! Don't I look it?"

GK notes that he has not recently attained any superpowers, and therefore still cannot see through a telephone.

[Yarnspinner]

Oh, heck, might as well add in one that happened some years ago when I was still the children's librarian at our "Worst Neighborhood Branch Ever". 

One woman usually arrived with her two kids promptly at two every wednesday.  But it was still first come, first served.



Uh, we can't do that as there are twenty kits and therefore twenty kids get to do crafts.

Of course she was back next week with her kids and expected us to cough up kits for their cousins who were coming to visit that weekend or some such story....

OK, I get that this woman was an annoying SS. But if the craft hour was first come, first serve, then what was the problem with her kids consistently showing up early enough to participate?  Why were her kids considered to be unfairly "snapping up" craft kits (to the point that you wanted to put a stop to it) when they showed up on time so that they'd be sure to get a spot? Isn't that exactly how first come, first serve is supposed to work? I'm not sure what the problem with the cousins was, either. If the craft hour was only supposed to be for kids who had library cards at that library (for example), then the cousins should have been turned away. However, if the craft hour was for any kids on a first come, first serve basis, then why was it a problem?

You're right.  It was first come,first served.   What I didn't write was what made it so irritating that she was there on time....as soon as it was announced that we would be doing crafts, she would hustle her kids ahead of others who had gotten there earlier and make sure her kids (sometimes two of them, sometimes a lot more of them) got in ahead of everyone else.  I kept begging my boss to make them line up before the program began so the kids who had gotten there early would have a chance.  But our snowflake was "important" in that community and my boss didn't want to cross her.  Sorry about the omission.  I have to pay attention when I am typing!

[MissRose]

I had a customer who called into the queue where people make reports of trouble with internet access.  We only handle trouble related issues and take down detail then send tickets to technicians.  He was demanding help with the billing portion of his business' internet access and the area that allows him to pay the bills but that department is not open weekends nor am I trained to help him with his concern.  He was not help that I could not help nor could transfer him then he threatened to cancel but he hung up before I said I cannot help you with that request either.

[asb8]

Miss Rose, I don't think it is out of line or even falls into this subject that a customer called because he's trying to pay his bill and having technical difficulty doing so. And being told that you can't help him, that you can't transfer him and there's nothing else you can do must have been incredibly frustrating.  Cancelling might be a bit of knee-jerk response but not the worst.

[MayHug]

asb8, but he was calling the wrong person all together. MissRose only deals with technical difficulties. Her taking a message for billing would not be appropriate. He needed to wait til the billing office was open.

[Lady Snowdon]

I ran into a guy at work last week who apparently believes that computers confer magical powers upon one.  I work at an insurance company, doing disability claims.  As such, I don't have access to any information except what is relevant to disability.  The "gentleman" I was talking to did not believe me in the slightest.  He called in, I answered a few questions for him and then said, at what I thought would be the end of the call, "Is there anything else I can help you with?".  He said, "yeah, I need help getting some orthotics.  Supposedly it's covered by my insurance.  What do I need to do?".  Since his disability was not related to his feet in any way, I didn't have any information on if it was covered, or who he would need to contact about that, and told him so.  "Wait!" he says, in total disbelief, "You don't have access?  Isn't this *MyCompany*?"  "Yes, it is, and I work in disability, so I would need to transfer you to...".  He cut me off and continued, "And you are sitting at a computer, right?  Just look it up and tell me, for Deity's sake!". 

I must have explained to him seven different times that I had no access to the information he was looking for.  Not that I don't want to access it, but that I can't access it, and would he like me to transfer him to the people who have more information on this sort of thing.  No, he didn't want to be transferred, he wanted me to look it up, and obviously I could look it up since I had a computer sitting in front of me.  He got really snotty with me, and very unhappy that I had a computer, but couldn't do what he wanted.  At the end of the call, I said thank you for calling.  He nastily said, "Aren't you going to ask me if there's anything else that you can help me with?".     So I said, "is there anything else regarding your disability claim that I can help you with, sir?"  He hung up on me. 

So yeah, apparently just the act of having a computer at work gives me access to all sorts of privileged and private information.  Who knew? 

[Onyx_TKD]

asb8, but he was calling the wrong person all together. MissRose only deals with technical difficulties. Her taking a message for billing would not be appropriate. He needed to wait til the billing office was open.

I don't think he was calling about billing by MissRose's company. It sounded to me like he was having difficulty with the part of his service that handles billing for his business. I.e., it would fall under technical issues (if it was a malfunction in MissRose's company's service) and/or customer support (if the system was working properly, and he needed instruction in how to use it). MissRose wasn't the right person to help him, but it's not clear to me that he called the wrong department entirely. And while he was rude, it sounds like he accepted the explanation that his issue could not be handled over the weekend, so it doesn't sound like he was demanding the impossible.

I had a customer who called into the queue where people make reports of trouble with internet access.  We only handle trouble related issues and take down detail then send tickets to technicians.  He was demanding help with the billing portion of his business' internet access and the area that allows him to pay the bills but that department is not open weekends nor am I trained to help him with his concern.  He was not help that I could not help nor could transfer him then he threatened to cancel but he hung up before I said I cannot help you with that request either.

[ica171]

I ran into a guy at work last week who apparently believes that computers confer magical powers upon one.  I work at an insurance company, doing disability claims.  As such, I don't have access to any information except what is relevant to disability.  The "gentleman" I was talking to did not believe me in the slightest.  He called in, I answered a few questions for him and then said, at what I thought would be the end of the call, "Is there anything else I can help you with?".  He said, "yeah, I need help getting some orthotics.  Supposedly it's covered by my insurance.  What do I need to do?".  Since his disability was not related to his feet in any way, I didn't have any information on if it was covered, or who he would need to contact about that, and told him so.  "Wait!" he says, in total disbelief, "You don't have access?  Isn't this *MyCompany*?"  "Yes, it is, and I work in disability, so I would need to transfer you to...".  He cut me off and continued, "And you are sitting at a computer, right?  Just look it up and tell me, for Deity's sake!". 

I must have explained to him seven different times that I had no access to the information he was looking for.  Not that I don't want to access it, but that I can't access it, and would he like me to transfer him to the people who have more information on this sort of thing.  No, he didn't want to be transferred, he wanted me to look it up, and obviously I could look it up since I had a computer sitting in front of me.  He got really snotty with me, and very unhappy that I had a computer, but couldn't do what he wanted.  At the end of the call, I said thank you for calling.  He nastily said, "Aren't you going to ask me if there's anything else that you can help me with?".     So I said, "is there anything else regarding your disability claim that I can help you with, sir?"  He hung up on me. 

So yeah, apparently just the act of having a computer at work gives me access to all sorts of privileged and private information.  Who knew? 

Ah, magical computers. I remember having to call my pediatrician's office for some information on one of my kids. I told the receptionist what I needed and she said, very tentatively "Well...I don't have access to that information. Can I get a nurse to call you back?" Which was, of course, fine. It had actually never occurred to me that the receptionists wouldn't have access to that information, but it makes perfect sense; you don't need access to medical records to schedule appointments or pass messages on to the nurses. But the way she said it made me think that she's probably been yelled at more than once about it.

[bloo]

Ah, magical computers. I remember having to call my pediatrician's office for some information on one of my kids. I told the receptionist what I needed and she said, very tentatively "Well...I don't have access to that information. Can I get a nurse to call you back?" Which was, of course, fine. It had actually never occurred to me that the receptionists wouldn't have access to that information, but it makes perfect sense; you don't need access to medical records to schedule appointments or pass messages on to the nurses. But the way she said it made me think that she's probably been yelled at more than once about it.

Slight threadjack, but my kids attend an online high school. My daughter needed to take a test and we could not get it to print. Tests are large and will time out (usually) if they just try to take it online. So they print it up, do it an submit it online later.

So I called the school and the helpful technician was stumped because the same thing was happening to him with that particular test. No problems with other tests. He was so apologetic and even started to stammer a bit with options of copying-n-pasting the test into a doc and printing it but said the technicians will probably have it fixed by the following day. I said 'fine, we'll give that a try and thanks for your help.'

He replied, "Oh thank you for not yelling at me. I get yelled at a lot."

I felt bad for him. Yelling, screaming and temper tantrums never help get a problem fixed. It is always counterproductive. And useless if the person on the other and cannot help you or perform some miracle that the garden-variety SS is sure that exists.