Just finished what sounded like a light romantic romp: Heroine's boyfriend is keeping her at arm's length all of a sudden and they have a big fight when he insults her job acumen...to cheer herself up she agrees to be her best friend's plus one at friend's cousin's wedding....and guess who the groom is?
This set up was just rife for chuckles and laughs and fun.
Instead it was a badly written "fat girl gets self esteem by losing weight, getting a new job, but mostly through lots of s3x with other men and continues having lots of it with the ex even after she finds her one true love" mess.
No laughs, no real joy in the overcoming, and so badly written to boot. My other peeves:
1) Characters had complete conversations with all the banalities thrown in ("How are you?" "I'm fine. How are you?" "Oh, you know, same old same old") that did nothing to advance the plot.
2) The plot served more as an excuse for the heroine to have even worse narrated "50 Shades" adventures with two or three men, which meant detailed descriptions of anatomical niceties and oddities. But--
3) Said adventures, instead of being interesting or titillating or even fodder to be parodied, were all exactly the same. If I'd had a dime for each guy who lightly circled the same portion of her anatomy with his pinkie finger I could have bought a hard cover novel edition of a better book.
4) My BIGGEST peeve: describing characters by comparing them to celebrities.
Dear Author: I do not know who Kelly Rowland is and while I could google her, I didn't have my internet with me when I was reading your book. Telling me the heroine's rival looks like "a slightly taller Kelly Rowland with caramel skin" didn't help me. Nor can I imagine the best friend's romantic interest who "looks exactly like Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and Pierce Brosnan rolled together." He sounds scary. Either give me a better description of the character or don't do anything to describe them at all.
5) Oh--another thing--your male lead is a Wall Street investment banking Vice President. It still isn't going to make him an expert on wedding gowns, so having him describe the exquisite use of Swarovski crystal on the bodice (do men even know what a bodice is? Wouldn't he say "the top of her gown"?) of a wedding gown really just made him even less of a real character for me and made him someone who was the mouthpiece for the author's love of rich looking gowns.
For that matter, I don't need to hear about every Hermes bag the heroine looks at, her shoe manufacturer or the cut of each dress she puts on and rejects. A little branding for detail, sure, but every piece of clothing?
6) If you want me to feel sympathy for your "fat" heroine, maybe you could a) stop having her whine about being fat and DO something about her fat OR b) own her fat. Don't have her magically just lose weight by doing nothing and have other characters tell us about it later on.
Also, if you want me to be on her side, maybe she shouldn't be cheating left right and center on the wonderful man (who we barely hear about) with whom she has fallen in love.
Also she loses points for doing to her ex exactly what he did to her at the beginning of the novel, making her happy wedding day seem more about revenge than love.
7) This is just a note in passing: did you lift ALL your dialogue from the infamous ehell Titanic Bride tale? Because the evil bride could have been Jennifer.