CatFishing

[jaxsue]

My niece met her DH online. They've been together several years and are very happy. The internet is just another medium where people can connect. Done right, I don't see anything creepy or fake about it.

[oceanus]

It's not possible to fall in love without meeting in person and spending some time together.

If someone hedges, uses various delay tactics, has excuses and personal crises and various other events to prevent a personal meeting ~~> red flag.  If they are really interested they will make the time.

Manti basked in the glow of telling himself and others that he had a girlfriend - who he had never even met.  Three YEARS??  The love of his life? Gimme a break.    At best, he had a fantasy relationship.

I know of a couple people who first connected online and after a few weeks progressed to a personal meeting and it worked out - (one couple is happily married)

But if you haven't met in person, you don't have a real relationship except in your dreams.  Emailing, texting, FB posts/chats, and talking on the phone is NOT dating.

[gramma dishes]

...     The love of his life? Gimme a break.    At best, he had a fantasy relationship.   ...

But if you haven't met in person, you don't have a real relationship exceot in your dreams.  Emailing, texting, FB posts/chats, and talking on the phone is NOT dating.

As it turns out, you're absolutely right in this case at least.  She really was just a fantasy. 

But she was a 'fantasy' deliberately created by someone else.  She could have been a real live girl.

I have a feeling that this particular young man had had quite a sheltered childhood and even young adulthood.  His family and social group (teammates) expected him to have a girlfriend and he found a way to have one to satisfy everyone, including himself, through this long distance relationship. 

I do believe that he really did believe she was a real person, that they would meet one day, then get married and live happily ever after.  To me he seems extraordinarily naive.  I doubt if he ever had a real "live" girlfriend before, so how would he know the difference?  Honestly, I felt bad for him when the ruse was uncovered.

[SiotehCat]

It's not possible to fall in love without meeting in person and spending some time together.

If someone hedges, uses various delay tactics, has excuses and personal crises and various other events to prevent a personal meeting ~~> red flag.  If they are really interested they will make the time.

Manti basked in the glow of telling himself and others that he had a girlfriend - who he had never even met.  Three YEARS??  The love of his life? Gimme a break.    At best, he had a fantasy relationship.

I know of a couple people who first connected online and after a few weeks progressed to a personal meeting and it worked out - (one couple is happily married)

But if you haven't met in person, you don't have a real relationship except in your dreams.  Emailing, texting, FB posts/chats, and talking on the phone is NOT dating.

It absolutely is possible to fall in love with someone and not have met them in person. Just because this is not something that you have experienced, doesn't make it not possible.

[oceanus]

It absolutely is possible to fall in love with someone and not have met them in person. Just because this is not something that you have experienced, doesn't make it not possible.

@SiotehCat

No need to get defensive.
You say it is, I say it isn't.

We disagree (shrug).

[Sharnita]

The reality is that even if you have met the person it might turn out that you don't know them and it is a fantasy relationship. We have seen in the "Need a Hug" folder that people have discovered shocking/alarming/heartbreaking things about SOs they've known for years. That doesn't mean they didn't enter the relationship in good faith or that they didn't have a reasonable expectation of honesty.  The fact that they didn't get it doesn't make them wrong. I don't think that the relationship being on the internet or long distance automatically makes it less real. Just because there is the chance of being taken advantage of doesn't mean iy is not a vald avenue, or everybody would be single and celibate.

[Aeris]

It absolutely is possible to fall in love with someone and not have met them in person. Just because this is not something that you have experienced, doesn't make it not possible.

@SiotehCat

No need to get defensive.
You say it is, I say it isn't.

We disagree (shrug).

Except that you telling people what it's possible for *them* to feel is completely inappropriate. You aren't omniscient, there's no way for you to have any idea whether it's possible for two people who aren't you to fall in love over phone calls and emails.

[oceanus]

Meeting in person at least proves they (or someone claiming to be that person) EXIST in the flesh (vs a picture, words typed on a computer, and a voice on the phone).

[gollymolly2]

When you say "it's not possible" to do something, thats not an opinion. "I don't think I could fall in love without meeting someone" is an opinion.

Also, he spoke to her on and off for three years, their "relationship" lasted less than a year.

[oceanus]

Except that you telling people what it's possible for *them* to feel is completely inappropriate. You aren't omniscient, there's no way for you to have any idea whether it's possible for two people who aren't you to fall in love over phone calls and emails.

Well, actually, I *am* entitled to my opinion and just because it doesn't match yours does not make it inappropriate.

I'm not telling anyone how to feel.  (That's really reaching.)

(I'm not going to get into a bickerfest and cause this thread to get locked.  Not fair to others.)

[Aeris]

Except that you telling people what it's possible for *them* to feel is completely inappropriate. You aren't omniscient, there's no way for you to have any idea whether it's possible for two people who aren't you to fall in love over phone calls and emails.

Well, actually, I *am* entitled to my opinion and just because it doesn't match yours does not make it inappropriate.

I'm not telling anyone how to feel.  (That's really reaching.)

(I'm not going to get into a bickerfest and cause this thread to get locked.  Not fair to others.)

When you say that it's not possible for two people to fall in love in a certain circumstance, you are very much telling other people what's it possible for them to feel. "It's not possible to like broccoli" is a similar statement you would have zero authority to make. Neither of those are an opinion you are entitled to.

You aren't 'entitled' to opinions about whether other people are capable of certain feelings, thoughts, or internal experiences.

[TurtleDove]

I think there's some irony in your question. You are asking this question to your online friends. Most I assume you have never met. Why did you come to this forum and ask questions instead of asking your real life friends?

I am not dating any of you! And none of my real life friends are dating people they do not know in real life.  That is why I am asking here.

[Drunken Housewife]

The Atlantic had an interesting article pointing out that the Samoan culture in some ways may have made Te'o vulnerable to this scam:  http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2013/01/the-samoan-roots-of-the-manti-teo-hoax/272486/

Not everyone who falls for this sort of thing is Samoan, however.

Clearly people can become extremely attached to others based on texting, chatting online, and talking on the phone.  I think that this sort of public embarrassment can give us all a reality check that we should make sure anyone we put a lot of energy into online is who they say they are.

[dirtyweasel]

I think I read somewhere or even saw on TV that 25% of dating/married people meet online now so I definitely believe that this will be the new way of dating in the future.  Technology has grown so much just in the past few years that it doesn't surprise me that more people are finding love through technology.  I also believe that it's possible to fall in love with someone without physically meeting them especially through programs like Skype and Facebook.

I mean, I get my harp lessons through Skype and my teacher can show me exactly how I need to play just as well as she can in person so I don't doubt for a second that people can't fall in love through tools like Skype, texting, Facebook, etc.  I've known quite a few people who have used online dating sites to meet people (myself included) so it seems completely legitimate to me that people could date someone online before they met in person.  Different strokes for different folks and all that.

[guihong]

It's extraordinary to me that he could be that sheltered and naive after four years at Notre Dame.  The timetable would indicate that this "relationship" began when he was a sophomore.  Call me skeptical, but that's an incredibly long time to carry out a hoax without messing up.

If we give him the benefit of the doubt, that in his naivite he really did think she was real, then Samoan culture being sheltered or not, he just doesn't sound like he had (has?) the common sense and street smarts he should have had by then.  I know there are very naive and foolish people much older than him, but it just sounds like he was thrown from Hawaii to Notre Dame (and college in general) without any preparation. 

Call me a skeptic, but if he was complicit in this, he's not as sweet and innocent as he appears and in fact would be one of the greatest hoaxers of all time.  I hope not, but his naivite is almost more frightening.