Author Topic: Ehell may have saved my life, or at least my sanity.  (Read 4204 times)

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mmswm

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Ehell may have saved my life, or at least my sanity.
« on: January 29, 2013, 05:35:48 PM »
This isn't a question, but a thank you.  As I've posted before, I made the decision to move back into my parents' house.  My parents can be described as toxic or crazy, or both.  Between the advise and support on the forums, I've been able to manage my own behavior in such a way that things don't get as out of hand as they used to.  My mother has noticed a certain peace in my dealings with her and my father.  She told me today how much she's enjoying the "new you" and asked how I managed interactions with my father so peacefully. 

This discussion came about after she'd gotten unreasonably upset over a phone call with the adult child of one of my cousins. My second cousin was basically asking my mother to un-friend my cousin's mother-in-law.  I advised her to text or call her back and tell her something to the effect of "I've given your request some thought, and I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that won't be possible."  I told her not to explain herself in any manner and introduced the concept of JADE-ing, and told her not to do it.  My mom sent the text and that was that.  She's so much happier. After that, she got me into a discussion about what kind of other stuff I've learned on this site.  She got all thoughtful and got a look on her face that made her realize that this was where I'd learned how to manage my own behavior to defuse some of the toxicity.  After that discussion, I'm really hopeful that she'll continue to be receptive to the things we discuss here, and maybe, just maybe, she can change her toxic ways. 

Today was just one day, but I think we may have had a watershed moment!  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we can continue to grow and heal our relationship.

So, to all of you ehellions, I wanted to send out a great deal of thanks.  And a slice of virtual cheesecake. :)
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

LEMon

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Re: Ehell may have saved my life, or at least my sanity.
« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2013, 05:40:17 PM »
What a wonderful interaction.  Keep up the good work.

JenJay

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Re: Ehell may have saved my life, or at least my sanity.
« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2013, 05:49:49 PM »
"Be the change"!  ;D

Lynn2000

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Re: Ehell may have saved my life, or at least my sanity.
« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2013, 05:52:05 PM »
Wow, that's so great. I like knowing that, at least sometimes, it's possible for people with deeply ingrained bad habits to consider that there are other, better ways of doing things. I like the reminder that fundamentally they aren't bad people, they've just never stopped to think that things could be other than they are. Congrats for helping your mother to see this.
~Lynn2000

CharlieBraun

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Re: Ehell may have saved my life, or at least my sanity.
« Reply #4 on: January 30, 2013, 08:41:55 AM »
Wonderful story - and it shows your strength and grace, and your mother's powers of observation and desire to change.  Faith-restoring, all around!
"We ate the pies."

bopper

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Re: Ehell may have saved my life, or at least my sanity.
« Reply #5 on: January 30, 2013, 08:53:41 AM »
Woot!
Just this morning I was telling my daughter "model the behavior you want from others".

heartmug

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Re: Ehell may have saved my life, or at least my sanity.
« Reply #6 on: January 30, 2013, 01:29:53 PM »
That is great!
One option in a tug of war with someone is just to drop the rope.

bloo

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Re: Ehell may have saved my life, or at least my sanity.
« Reply #7 on: January 30, 2013, 01:34:46 PM »
Wow, that's so great. I like knowing that, at least sometimes, it's possible for people with deeply ingrained bad habits to consider that there are other, better ways of doing things. I like the reminder that fundamentally they aren't bad people, they've just never stopped to think that things could be other than they are. Congrats for helping your mother to see this.

I agree with all the PP's but this sums up what I was thinking!

Keep up the good work mmswm!

crella

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Re: Ehell may have saved my life, or at least my sanity.
« Reply #8 on: January 30, 2013, 07:21:22 PM »
That's wonderful! I'm happy for you!

mmswm

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Re: Ehell may have saved my life, or at least my sanity.
« Reply #9 on: January 30, 2013, 07:35:45 PM »
Thanks everybody for your continued support!  My mom and I actually had a wonderful day with most of the kids at the beach today.  There were a few moments where I was holding my breath, waiting for WWIII to start, but I was able to respond differently than I have in the past, and she really fed off those different responses, and we really had a great time!

I'll keep taking this one day at a time.  Fingers crossed!
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

Dalek

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Re: Ehell may have saved my life, or at least my sanity.
« Reply #10 on: January 31, 2013, 04:34:45 PM »
Glad things are going well for you. Aren't you worried your mother will get on this site and be offended that you referred to her as " crazy" and "toxic"? I know my family would be irate but they're that way about everything. lol
« Last Edit: January 31, 2013, 06:59:28 PM by Dalek »
I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

mmswm

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Re: Ehell may have saved my life, or at least my sanity.
« Reply #11 on: January 31, 2013, 04:38:44 PM »
Glad things are going well for you. Aren't you worried that after your mother will get on this site and be offended that you referred to her as " crazy" and "toxic"? I know my family would be irate but they're that way about everything. lol

My mother doesn't *do* the internet, with a Facebook exception, and even then, she can only use FB from her phone. Even something simple like "open up your browser" is met with questions like "what's a browser?"  You'd think she'd figure that out after the first 3000 times it's been explained to her, but no.  It's not that she's not smart enough, but she simply doesn't want to, so she doesn't pay attention and refuses to learn.  I'm okay with that. :)
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

JacklynHyde

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Re: Ehell may have saved my life, or at least my sanity.
« Reply #12 on: January 31, 2013, 08:08:22 PM »
So glad you're here, old friend.