Author Topic: Am I rude in my "defriending"?  (Read 5382 times)

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JacklynHyde

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Am I rude in my "defriending"?
« on: January 28, 2013, 09:24:55 PM »
Is it rude to defriend someone you've known for years but haven't seen in half that time?  Facebook  has definitely helped me maintain friendships that I treasure through the decades, but there are also those folks who are just names on my list and occasional blurbs that are just noise on my news feed.  I've made it a point every few months to consider which people haven't had a dialogue with me in a certain length of time and defriend those who don't stay in touch, even through social media.  Is this a bad idea?  I have considered reconnecting with a couple of friends after seeing their names tagged in old pictures, but I don't know what I'd say to them other than, "Sorry I defriended you before.  Do we have anything in common since the last 20 years have passed?"

Harriet Jones

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Re: Am I rude in my "defriending"?
« Reply #1 on: January 28, 2013, 09:35:00 PM »
It's your friends list, you can do with it whatever you like.  Just don't be a drama llama about the de-friending.

mmswm

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Re: Am I rude in my "defriending"?
« Reply #2 on: January 28, 2013, 09:48:06 PM »
As long as you don't defriend me, we're all good.   ;)

Seriously though, no, it's not rude to defriend somebody to whom you feel no connection.

Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

diesel_darlin

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Re: Am I rude in my "defriending"?
« Reply #3 on: January 28, 2013, 09:49:48 PM »
I dont think its rude at all. I totally agree with your actions, and the reasons behind them. I am not a fan of adding people that have absolutely no desire to talk to me, they just added me because  we went to school together or did some activity together.

Yvaine

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Re: Am I rude in my "defriending"?
« Reply #4 on: January 28, 2013, 10:21:55 PM »
I do the exact same thing. Once in a while I go through my friends list and, if I find someone who I realize I never comment on, and who I realize also never comments on my posts, I figure there's not really a relationship anymore and I weed them out.

katycoo

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Re: Am I rude in my "defriending"?
« Reply #5 on: January 28, 2013, 10:33:08 PM »
It is never rude to defriend anyone for any reason.  FB isn't in person.  You don't need to justify how you use it.

JacklynHyde

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Re: Am I rude in my "defriending"?
« Reply #6 on: January 29, 2013, 11:10:01 AM »
As long as you don't defriend me, we're all good.   ;)

Seriously though, no, it's not rude to defriend somebody to whom you feel no connection.

MM, I would NEVER defriend you.  You have my cell phone number and could track me down.  :P

I wanted to check on this because several of the threads on here made it seem like a FB defriending or Twitter unfollowing was the equivalent of a Cut Direct.  Honestly, if a person I've defriended makes a second request, I add them again and leave them on my list (unless they commit the sin of spamming me with their home businesses).  That's an effort.  It's nothing personal.  Heck, it's completely impersonal.

Cami

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Re: Am I rude in my "defriending"?
« Reply #7 on: January 29, 2013, 12:18:49 PM »
It is never rude to defriend anyone for any reason.  FB isn't in person.  You don't need to justify how you use it.

I'm not sure I understand your post. Are you saying that rudeness can only happen in person?

Fleur

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Re: Am I rude in my "defriending"?
« Reply #8 on: January 29, 2013, 12:23:28 PM »
It is never rude to defriend anyone for any reason.  FB isn't in person.  You don't need to justify how you use it.

I'm not sure I understand your post. Are you saying that rudeness can only happen in person?

No, she's saying it is not rude to defriend because it is not the same as cutting someone off in person (I think) One can be rude online, for sure, but just quietly defriending someone is not rude.

Giggity

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Re: Am I rude in my "defriending"?
« Reply #9 on: January 29, 2013, 12:24:34 PM »
Is it rude to defriend someone you've known for years but haven't seen in half that time?

I'm not sure I see how it'd be rude?
Words mean things.

Cami

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Re: Am I rude in my "defriending"?
« Reply #10 on: January 29, 2013, 12:52:03 PM »
It is never rude to defriend anyone for any reason.  FB isn't in person.  You don't need to justify how you use it.

I'm not sure I understand your post. Are you saying that rudeness can only happen in person?

No, she's saying it is not rude to defriend because it is not the same as cutting someone off in person (I think) One can be rude online, for sure, but just quietly defriending someone is not rude.
  What is one quietly defriends someone with whom they DO have a close relationship with no explanation?

The reason I am asking is because I'm trying to understand FB etiquette in general and due to a particular circumstance going on right now. This scenario of quiet defriending is playing out with a friend and her college-aged daughter. Friend and her dd have always been very close, got along well. Dd returned to college this semester after break and defriended her mother without any explanation. Would that defriending be considered rude? Or does it not count because FB does not ever count in etiquette?
« Last Edit: January 29, 2013, 12:54:03 PM by Cami »

dawbs

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Re: Am I rude in my "defriending"?
« Reply #11 on: January 29, 2013, 01:01:42 PM »
It is never rude to defriend anyone for any reason.  FB isn't in person.  You don't need to justify how you use it.

I'm not sure I understand your post. Are you saying that rudeness can only happen in person?

No, she's saying it is not rude to defriend because it is not the same as cutting someone off in person (I think) One can be rude online, for sure, but just quietly defriending someone is not rude.
  What is one quietly defriends someone with whom they DO have a close relationship with no explanation?

The reason I am asking is because this scenario is playing out with a friend and her college-aged daughter. Friend and her dd have always been very close, got along well. Dd returned to college this semester after break and defriended her mother without any explanation. Would that defriending be considered rude? Or does it not count because FB does not ever count in etiquette?

IMO, FB "counts", but FB defriendings don't.

Either you're close enough to ask "hey, is something up?" or  you're not.
And it is technology.  Technology is glitchy and tricky.
I try not to attribute to malice what can easily be attributed to my computer needing percussive maintenance at the end of my steel toed boot.

onyonryngs

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Re: Am I rude in my "defriending"?
« Reply #12 on: January 29, 2013, 01:05:55 PM »
"Sorry I defriended you before.  Do we have anything in common since the last 20 years have passed?"

I think this part rubs me the wrong way.  You can defriend anyone, it's not rude, but don't expect someone to justify to you why they should stay friends or be re-friended.  If you don't want to be friends with them, just don't be.  You don't need to make it a production.

Yvaine

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Re: Am I rude in my "defriending"?
« Reply #13 on: January 29, 2013, 01:15:58 PM »
It is never rude to defriend anyone for any reason.  FB isn't in person.  You don't need to justify how you use it.

I'm not sure I understand your post. Are you saying that rudeness can only happen in person?

No, she's saying it is not rude to defriend because it is not the same as cutting someone off in person (I think) One can be rude online, for sure, but just quietly defriending someone is not rude.

For me, most of these quiet defriendings aren't people I even see offline. If you know me in person, you probably know why I'm mad. The people I just quietly disappear from are along the lines of high school classmates I haven't seen in 18 years who added me on a whim and with whom I don't really interact at all. I spent my first few months on Facebook being pretty open with my friending, pretty much adding everyone from school who added me except for a few particular bullies, and then gradually found out that some of them were bigots, some were only mass-adding everyone in the world so they could sell things to them, and with some of them the relationship just never really got off the ground.

Virg

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Re: Am I rude in my "defriending"?
« Reply #14 on: January 29, 2013, 02:35:14 PM »
Cami wrote:

"The reason I am asking is because this scenario is playing out with a friend and her college-aged daughter. Friend and her dd have always been very close, got along well. Dd returned to college this semester after break and defriended her mother without any explanation. Would that defriending be considered rude? Or does it not count because FB does not ever count in etiquette?"

Your question at the end forces an either-or choice that's not valid, in that Facebook interactions (like any other interaction) can have etiquette ramifications but there's no particular action that's rude just because it's Facebook.  Consider other methods of communicating and see if it still strikes you as rude.  Say this friend's daughter suddenly never answered the phone but kept in contact via email or texting.  Say she calls but never emails.  It's easy to see that choosing a particular path to interact but not another isn't intrinsically rude, and so in this case defriending her mother wouldn't be rude unless she made some prior promise to stay Facebook friends with her mother.  It's just a method of interacting and how someone uses Facebook is their own choice.

Virg