Author Topic: Why Didn't You Ask Me?  (Read 2920 times)

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Winterlight

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Re: Why Didn't You Ask Me?
« Reply #15 on: January 29, 2013, 10:10:17 AM »
Just because she asks doesn't mean you have to answer. If it comes up just tell her you didn't ask anybody and leave it at that. It is not a snub to anybody.

This. And I think I'd avoid meeting up with her in future.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

bah12

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Re: Why Didn't You Ask Me?
« Reply #16 on: January 29, 2013, 10:30:22 AM »
Why did you agree to meet her for drinks?  You don't like her and don't want to be friends with her.  You're graduating, so now is the perfect time to cut ties and move on. 

Anyway, you aren't responsible for her.  You don't have to tell her why you didn't ask her, so if she asks, just say that you didn't ask/tell anyone and then change the subject.

Also, I think it's a bit harsh to blame her for not passing on gossip about you.  Someone said something mean.  It would have been nice of her to defend you (and a friend would have done so), but if she had asked me whether or not she should tell you what another person said about you, I'd have said "stay out of it."   That being said, you have every right to not want to be friends with her and it doesn't sound like she's someone that you respect.  I'd say just cancel your plans and be done with her.

TootsNYC

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Re: Why Didn't You Ask Me?
« Reply #17 on: January 29, 2013, 10:57:16 AM »
"oh, I didn't know you were interested. Bean Dip?"

don't talk about the course. don't talk about school/jobs with her if you don't want to share.

Beaut!

And if she goes on and on about it, just get more vague (and vaguely bewildered), and say the same phrase over and over.


But yeah, I'm with the people who say, "Move on, already!"

You're entering a tough field, with clients who will need lots of support. You need friends who lift you up.

I've lately been really looking at my [few] friendships and realizing that when I have plans to see them, i'm excited about it. I'm looking forward to it. I want to hear what they're up to, and there's some story or two that I am eager to tell them.

And there is NO topic of conversation that makes me anxious. Anything I bring up to talk about, they'll have something to say about it that I will be GLAD to hear. Even if it's just, "That sounds like it was fun," or "that sucks," or "I'd like to take a class like that!"

And they tell me interesting things about their own life as well. If they're complaining about work, it's because right now it's extra tough, or they've turned it into a funny story. I'm happy to hear about their life; I look forward to it.

I'm not saying they aren't occasionally annoying. But I *like* them enough that the annoying stuff is just not important enough to even remember.

People like that are out there. Erase people like Nikki from your schedule and your brain, and you'll have time and energy to find them.

If anybody needed friends that add to their mental energy, it is someone working in the "social work" field!!

Phoebe

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Re: Why Didn't You Ask Me?
« Reply #18 on: January 29, 2013, 01:24:54 PM »
Bah12, Nikki *did* pass the comment on.  Frankly, I'd have cut her cold then and there.

Miss March

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Re: Why Didn't You Ask Me?
« Reply #19 on: January 29, 2013, 01:36:16 PM »
You can always fib and say that you were on a waiting list to be enrolled for this course, and didn't think you'd be squeezed in, let alone anyone else.

But yeah, I'd be phasing this person out.
He had no choice, he had told her, and then he left, choosing.-- George R.R. Martin

bah12

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Re: Why Didn't You Ask Me?
« Reply #20 on: January 29, 2013, 02:18:25 PM »
Bah12, Nikki *did* pass the comment on.  Frankly, I'd have cut her cold then and there.

Yes, I misread the statement in the OP.

gellchom

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Re: Why Didn't You Ask Me?
« Reply #21 on: January 29, 2013, 02:31:25 PM »
Whether or not you want to stay friends with NIkki or even just get together once with her is your call.  We don't know if there's enough good there to be worth it.

So I'm just going to answer your question of what to say if she brings up this new course.  Similar to what most others have suggested: "Oh, gosh, it didn't even occur to me to tell anyone.  I just saw it and signed up."  And then move on.  Resist the temptation to ask "Why would I?" which will just prolong the conversation -- exactly what you are trying to avoid.

Don't tell her why you wouldn't have wanted to be in the course with her or bring up her study habits.  Every word would be true, but it would be a gratuitous slap at her.  She didn't ask you for a critique of her value as a student and classmate, she just asked why you didn't mention this class to her.  And the answer is simply that you didn't think of it. 

Congratulations!
« Last Edit: January 29, 2013, 05:47:12 PM by gellchom »

Calypso

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Re: Why Didn't You Ask Me?
« Reply #22 on: January 29, 2013, 04:04:25 PM »
The honest truth — "I didn't think of it" — is both polite and your best possible option if you want to distance yourself from Nikki. Without making a big deal of it, you're telling her that she isn't important enough to you for you to spend mental energy on.

And, although you didn't ask for this advice, POD the posters who are urging you to learn to emotionally protect yourself. There are way too  many "don't think I'm a horrible person" and other self-critical statements in your post. Your 20s are naturally a time of higher emotions than you'll probably have letter, but please find a way to get tougher or your (awesome) chosen profession will burn you to a cinder!

Congratulations on your degree, BTW. Have fun in the First Aid class!