My husband is out of town for work over the next couple of weeks. It’s a small world—one of the jobs he’s working on happens to be for a cousin of mine. This town is absolutely thick with my extended family. Now, cousin aside, he’s there at the request his friend. Three years ago, he met about 20% of my family and he can’t keep them straight.
I have a huge pet peeve that when I’m traveling, someone says, “Oh! You`re going to Thatplaceville? I know someone from there, you should look them up! Here’s their number.”
I don’t want to look up a stranger because of a third party. Absolutely no desire to do this. Ever. And I feel really really strongly about it, mostly because it happens every time I travel and my polite demurring is always dismissed by the person making the suggestion. As soon as I feel pressured into something, I shut down.
I know that some family will start asking me, “Why doesn’t he come to visit us? We’d love to meet him!” While the sentiment is very nice, I just see it as incredibly awkward and weird for him to call up on my relations without me there.
However, my husband is one of the people who say things like, “Oh! You`re going to Thatplaceville? I know someone from there, you should look them up! Here’s their number.”
I cannot tell you how many times I had to explain to him (in increasingly blunt terms) how I had no interest in cutting a girls’ getaway weekend in half so I could go spend an afternoon with his half-sister’s half-sister. He once tagged along and provided driving services when a girlfriend and I went out of town to shop. His mom lives in this town. He drove us to his Mom’s place to visit, despite me explaining how awkward it is for us to drop in when my friend DOESN’T KNOW HIS MOTHER. Gah. (Sorry, that still bugs me).
Anyhoodles…Here’s the dilemma:
- The family doing the pressure obviously doesn’t mind these strange (to me) meet-ups.
- The Dude does not mind these strange (to me) meet-ups.
- I don’t want him to think that by my arranging any of this is my tacit approval for him to do the same to me. And he totally would. Even if I were to say, “I’m doing this because you enjoy this sort of thing. I don’t. Don’t do this to me later.” He would only remember that I arranged this family get together. Selective memory.
Is this a case where my discomfort is outweighed by my familial duty to accommodate?
Because I'm just the arranger, does etiquette say I should pass on the contact info and let them sort it out?
Except I don’t have their contact info and the whole thing would become some sort of weird Facebook thing. I don’t have time for this. Sigh.