Author Topic: Should I tell her to stop or just toss it?  (Read 5362 times)

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sweetonsno

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Re: Should I tell her to stop or just toss it?
« Reply #15 on: January 29, 2013, 04:52:27 PM »
Lots of good ideas so far, so I'll just add one to the mix: make sure that Grandma gets a box. As you head to the restroom, ask the server to bring one to the table (or ask her to hand you one on your way back). As soon as you notice the leftovers in front of your plate, pack them up and give her the box.

TootsNYC

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Re: Should I tell her to stop or just toss it?
« Reply #16 on: January 29, 2013, 05:29:03 PM »
If boxes aren't possible, then when someone sets the food near you, what they are saying is, "none of the rest of us want to eat this."

So you say, "everybody's done with this?" and then take it to be tossed out.

And maybe start suggesting to Grandma that she box stuff up ahead of time so he doesn't "waste food."

Lynn2000

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Re: Should I tell her to stop or just toss it?
« Reply #17 on: January 29, 2013, 05:58:32 PM »
or maybe before you start, could you suggest that the two of you split an entree? or suggest that she get an appetizer as a main?

This works for my friend and I, as we often go out to lunch together. We'll split an entree (usually with a couple of sides) or a couple of appetizers instead of each getting a full meal. With her it seems like a no-brainer; but when I mentioned it to my mom once--who always complains about eating too much at restaurants--she got this look on her face like she'd never in her life thought of it before, and has eagerly started splitting meals with me since then.
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SPuck

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Re: Should I tell her to stop or just toss it?
« Reply #18 on: January 29, 2013, 07:40:01 PM »
I would just go for the ask her if she wants it or throw it away. Anyway else and she is just going to find a way to worm around it. A put away meal can be taken out or sent home with you. Be direct, don't be coy, don't play games.

snappylt

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Re: Should I tell her to stop or just toss it?
« Reply #19 on: January 29, 2013, 08:27:16 PM »
I would put the plate back in front of her so she can deal with it as she sees fit. When you return, just say - oh, sorry, mom and I are full and don't want it. Plop, back in front of her. Or, if you want to be nice about it, you can pick it up and say - "We actually don't want this. Do you want it back, or shall I throw it away?" It's like how you deal with toddlers - you give them the illusion of choice - but in either case, the story doesn't end with you eating it!

I like Zizi-K's second option myself, because I suspect you've already tried asking her to not push food on you.  (?)

Giggity

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Re: Should I tell her to stop or just toss it?
« Reply #20 on: January 29, 2013, 08:35:58 PM »
#2. "Hey Grandma, this is yours," at the same time you put it back in front of her. That puts it back on her to deal with. Not your food, not your problem. Don't let her make it yours.
Words mean things.

Deetee

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Re: Should I tell her to stop or just toss it?
« Reply #21 on: January 29, 2013, 08:59:19 PM »
#2. "Hey Grandma, this is yours," at the same time you put it back in front of her. That puts it back on her to deal with. Not your food, not your problem. Don't let her make it yours.

This is how I'd deal with it. I wouldn't try to get a to-go box (I'm not actually sure that you are at a reataurant. I missed that in the OP). If it was in front of me, I would say "No thanks" and either put it back in front of grandma or just in the middle of the table or on the counter.

If it was still too close/tempting, I would remove my utensils ( put them in the dishwasher or on the counter or get the waiter to take them with my plate). I would get a glass of water and place it directly in front of me.

The thing about this is it puts it entirely in your control and you don't try to change anything about other peoples actions.

DavidH

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Re: Should I tell her to stop or just toss it?
« Reply #22 on: January 29, 2013, 09:14:35 PM »
Unless you know otherwise, I'd assume she is doing this to be nice or because she thinks you want it.  If you are eating it, you may be inadvertently reinforcing the idea that you are too shy to say you want it, but you really do.  I'm assuming, and it might be an interesting assumption, that you are watching you weight.  If this is right, I'd say grandma, I'm trying to eat less, but when there is food in front of me, I find myself eating it.  I know you understand how difficult it can be to lose weight and I appreciate that you mean well, but please, when you are finished don't put the leftovers in front of me since I end up eating them. 

miranova

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Re: Should I tell her to stop or just toss it?
« Reply #23 on: January 29, 2013, 10:51:34 PM »
I'm with those who say this is not your food and hence not your problem to deal with.  Put it back in front of her chair and say "this is yours".  I would not take responsibility for it, including making suggestions to Grandma about getting a box, etc.  I presume Grandma has been alive long enough to know about that possibility already.  She doesn't need suggestions about what to do with her food, what she needs is for you to remind her that it's HER food to dispose of, not yours.

katycoo

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Re: Should I tell her to stop or just toss it?
« Reply #24 on: January 29, 2013, 11:36:23 PM »
You've already gotten good advice in this situation, but I have some general tips for this problem (I have it too)

At home - puring water on the plate I find to be lesst wasteful and more destroying than salt.

Eating out - my partner takes possession of my cutlery.  I won't pick at the food with my fingers in a resturant.

onikenbai

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Re: Should I tell her to stop or just toss it?
« Reply #25 on: January 29, 2013, 11:43:06 PM »
Do what the rest of us WLS people do.  We ask for the TO GO box as soon as the food is delivered, or even when we order.  Then we partition the food out as soon as it arrives so that there is very little left on the plate before we start eating and the temptation is taken away.  Out of sight, out of mind.  Problem solved.

Gyburc

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Re: Should I tell her to stop or just toss it?
« Reply #26 on: January 30, 2013, 06:05:41 AM »
I might very well be wrong, but it sounds to me as if your Grandma is someone who doesn't like wasting food - after all, she seems pretty keen to get someone at the table to finish up her left-overs! My mother was very much like this, having been born during WW2 and brought up during the austerity afterwards. So she might get upset if you simply throw the food away.

I also think a take-away box might be the best option. Even if your Grandma insists that she doesn't want to take the rest of the food home, another family member could. Or is there any chance of getting smaller portions?

I also wanted to add (((hugs))) and encouragement to you!

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bopper

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Re: Should I tell her to stop or just toss it?
« Reply #27 on: January 30, 2013, 08:55:42 AM »
I think the take out box or the salt idea is good.
If you dump salt on it, they may say "Why are you wasting food!"
and you say "I told you I didn't want it but you insisted on putting it in front of me.  Order less, take it home but don't use me as your garbage can."

TootsNYC

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Re: Should I tell her to stop or just toss it?
« Reply #28 on: January 30, 2013, 11:36:21 AM »
I assume she's doing this because she hates the idea of wasted food. She can't bring herself to say, "It's okay to throw this out."

So do it for her--in that instance, *you* can "be the grownup" and throw the food away. She doesn't have to do it all the time. It's a vulnerability for her, almost a compulsion, not to waste food. So, just as you'd like her to occasionally and without much comment help you with your "issues," you can help her with hers!

Don't dump salt on it, hand it back to her, etc. There's no need to create drama, and you know that both of those will do so.

The "get involved" way to deal is to suggestion Grandma bring a takeout box from home/order or take less/whatever.

The "don't get that involved," simple way to deal is to just say, "Oh, nobody wants to eat this?" and then take it away from the table. You can even say, "I'll get this out of our way, then."


Twik

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Re: Should I tell her to stop or just toss it?
« Reply #29 on: January 30, 2013, 11:42:03 AM »
Would it be possible to call over a waiter and ask that the food she's given you be removed? Possibly if you do this a couple of times, she'll realize you're not going to save it from going to waste.
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