Author Topic: "That's really not true" (religion)  (Read 6134 times)

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JenJay

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Re: "That's really not true" (religion)
« Reply #75 on: January 30, 2013, 02:54:23 PM »
Is it possible to stay with your grandparents? Do they have space? Would they enjoy that?

Oh Joy

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Re: "That's really not true" (religion)
« Reply #76 on: January 30, 2013, 02:58:56 PM »
This would be idea, but impractical.  She knows I can't afford a hotel or even a rental car.  And I don't know anyone else in the area.  There's simply nowhere for me to go until the flight back.

That's my worry.  I don't get time off really except around Christmas.  And it wouldn't be just her that I'd be cutting off.  I'd have to refuse to see not just my mother, but my father and my elderly grandparents in order to do this.

I swear I'm not pretending to be a family therapist, nor do I play one on TV, but a wise man once described three phases of parent/child dynamics to me: Dependent (needing parents' help), then Independent (not needing parents' help), and finally Interdependent (adults helping each other).

Nothing excuses your mother when she acts impolitely toward you.  However, expecting to be treated on different levels during the same visit can send mixed messages, KWIM?  You may have the opportunity to set the tone of independence for your next visit*, therefore changing the whole dynamic and reducing your need for eHell-approved responses.

Best wishes.

* - Meaning, for example, can you not be dependent on your parents for transportation?  It may be possible for you to earn or save $5/week = $250/year to rent a car for your annual holiday visits.  Then you're both setting a different tone from the minute you arrive from the airport and also able to choose when and where you celebrate your faith...with a breezy 'I'm all set!' and a smile.

Calypso

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Re: "That's really not true" (religion)
« Reply #77 on: January 30, 2013, 03:17:48 PM »
At one point, I was living in an expensive city with a much-despised roommate (rent for living alone was out of the question), no car, no health insurance, and a minimum wage job---so I know about broke.

Still, it's a long time until Christmas. Even saving $5, let alone $10, per week, would make it possible for you to stay in a hostel or YWCA (I don't know what they have where you live) or a "Motel 6" type of place next time you go visit. If you think you can't squeeze the $5 or so out of your weekly budget, check (out of the library) Amy Dycyzn's book on being a "Frugal Zealot" (I'm spelling her last name wrong, but googling Frugal Zealot ought to find it).


JeseC

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Re: "That's really not true" (religion)
« Reply #78 on: January 30, 2013, 03:20:18 PM »
At one point, I was living in an expensive city with a much-despised roommate (rent for living alone was out of the question), no car, no health insurance, and a minimum wage job---so I know about broke.

Still, it's a long time until Christmas. Even saving $5, let alone $10, per week, would make it possible for you to stay in a hostel or YWCA (I don't know what they have where you live) or a "Motel 6" type of place next time you go visit. If you think you can't squeeze the $5 or so out of your weekly budget, check (out of the library) Amy Dycyzn's book on being a "Frugal Zealot" (I'm spelling her last name wrong, but googling Frugal Zealot ought to find it).

I don't even have an income right now.  I'm hoping against hope that the disability claim goes through, but I can't guarantee it.  Right now I'm living off a combination of savings and loans because that's all I can get.  I'm not even affording all the stuff I need right now.  Yes, squeezing $5 out of the weekly budget is impossible.

TurtleDove

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Re: "That's really not true" (religion)
« Reply #79 on: January 30, 2013, 03:32:08 PM »
I don't even have an income right now.  I'm hoping against hope that the disability claim goes through, but I can't guarantee it.  Right now I'm living off a combination of savings and loans because that's all I can get.  I'm not even affording all the stuff I need right now.  Yes, squeezing $5 out of the weekly budget is impossible.

Then either 1) don't go visit over Christmas or 2) accept that your mother will act that way. You are not willing to do anything different or set boundaries so perhaps just tell your family you cannot afford to visit them so you don't have to address the real issue. 

Moray

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Re: "That's really not true" (religion)
« Reply #80 on: January 30, 2013, 03:33:43 PM »
I don't even have an income right now.  I'm hoping against hope that the disability claim goes through, but I can't guarantee it.  Right now I'm living off a combination of savings and loans because that's all I can get.  I'm not even affording all the stuff I need right now.  Yes, squeezing $5 out of the weekly budget is impossible.

Then either 1) don't go visit over Christmas or 2) accept that your mother will act that way. You are not willing to do anything different or set boundaries so perhaps just tell your family you cannot afford to visit them so you don't have to address the real issue.

Exactly. This situation sounds frustrating, but "them's the breaks".
Utah