Choosing kid's activities

[learningtofly]

Hello

Many of you know that my ILs took DD on a trip to learn their favorite winter sport.  DD seemed to have a good time and liked the sport.  However, when asked if she wanted to do it again, she declined.  Fair enough.  We had a lot of activities the last few weeks and didn't push it.  FIL recently stopped by and inquired as to whether DD had tried new activity again.  When I told him we had been busy, he scoffed at me.  I didn't know people still scoffed.  I frostily informed him again that there was a lot going on and then moved to another area of the house.  I didn't JADE.

Well it seems that FIL doesn't want to let this go.  Not only do they want DD for a week again next year, don't I know she'll get better every year, but they want her to drop her current sport activity and do their activity next winter.  They'll pay for it of course.  I was stunned and bean dipped.

I need to have a response on hand.  DD loves her current activity (most of the time) and I was thinking of adding a second sport she has interest in.  Her current activity door to door takes around an hour.  What FIL wants her to do will take 2.5-3 hours door to door.  If DD wants to do it I'd be happy to spend the time, but I'm not going to force her into an activity nor am I going to commit her to a vacation this far ahead of time. 

It might be feasible to do their activity and DD's, but this is a winter activity.  How do I bean dip for the next nine months?  Not to mention the fact that I won't force DD into an activity should she still decline next year.

[KenveeB]

"I'll see if DD is interested."Then move to "DD has her plate full right now, but we'll keep that in mind."

How old is your DD? It's her decision, and if she isn't interested, then that should be the end of it!

[LeveeWoman]

Hello

Many of you know that my ILs took DD on a trip to learn their favorite winter sport.  DD seemed to have a good time and liked the sport.  However, when asked if she wanted to do it again, she declined.  Fair enough.  We had a lot of activities the last few weeks and didn't push it.  FIL recently stopped by and inquired as to whether DD had tried new activity again.  When I told him we had been busy, he scoffed at me.  I didn't know people still scoffed.  I frostily informed him again that there was a lot going on and then moved to another area of the house.  I didn't JADE.

Well it seems that FIL doesn't want to let this go.  Not only do they want DD for a week again next year, don't I know she'll get better every year, but they want her to drop her current sport activity and do their activity next winter.  They'll pay for it of course.  I was stunned and bean dipped.

I need to have a response on hand.  DD loves her current activity (most of the time) and I was thinking of adding a second sport she has interest in.  Her current activity door to door takes around an hour.  What FIL wants her to do will take 2.5-3 hours door to door.  If DD wants to do it I'd be happy to spend the time, but I'm not going to force her into an activity nor am I going to commit her to a vacation this far ahead of time. 

It might be feasible to do their activity and DD's, but this is a winter activity.  How do I bean dip for the next nine months?  Not to mention the fact that I won't force DD into an activity should she still decline next year.

Why do you need to dip the bean?

She is YOUR daughter. You decide her schedule.

Good grief.

Since when do we need a plan to be parents?

[Sophia]

I would start by making it clear that the more they push, the less likely it will happen. 

[SPuck]

Why do you need to dip the bean?

She is YOUR daughter. You decide her schedule.

Good grief.

Since when do we need a plan to be parents?

I agree with LeveeWoman. It's time to spine up or just let them walk over you. I'e read your previous threads, and their isn't any half way point between these two options.

[JoyinVirginia]

A lot can change between now and then. We will make a decision on this next Sept, Oct, whenever, tell him.
Then be a broken record. We will make a decision about that next fall.  Don't engage four any further discussion.

[petal]

stop bean dipping

tell him firmly that "no, DD will not be dropping other sports  so stop asking  (or telling)

[snowdragon]

stop bean dipping

tell him firmly that "no, DD will not be dropping other sports  so stop asking  (or telling)

I might also tell them that DD is not interested in doing it again

[ClaireC79]

The problem with you saying she/you had been too busy when he asked if she'd done it again was it sort of implies that she would have wanted to but didn't have the opportunity - you asked if she wanted to, she said no, so I can't see why he wasn't just told that she enjoyed the time with her grandparents but didn't want to go when you asked her

[cicero]

Why do you need to dip the bean?

She is YOUR daughter. You decide her schedule.

Good grief.

Since when do we need a plan to be parents?
[/quote]
exactly.

don't wait for *him* to drop the subject - you don't have to have this conversation with him at.all.

[Dalek]

Stop bean dipping, thank your ILs for their generous offer and tell them the sport really isn't DD's cup of tea.

[MamaMootz]

Yup - had the same issue with  my dad. See, his girlfriend's granddaughter apparently has the sun shining out of her butt and she is the Example Everyone With Kids Must Follow, according to Dad.
He was horrified that I didn't have DD enrolled in basketball or softball, because the Example was enrolled in those activities, plus more - and didn't I know DD needed to do these activities to live  her life well, and she was going to have a weight problem if she didn't do exactly what the Example was doing, and on and on and onandon every time we had a phone call. I got tired of it and told him that a) DD isn't interested in that sport; b) I'm not pushing her into something she is not interested in; and c) the subject was closed as he had his chance to raise his child (me) and I would be raising my child as I saw fit.

You probably don't want to be as blunt as I was with him, but with my dad, only bluntness works. But yes, do what everyone says - I POD all posters who say that you need to stop bean dipping and just tell him - DD isn't interested, but thank you for the offer. If he persists, you may have to have a "this subject is closed" conversation with him. Else he will continue to badger you about it.

[bopper]

First of all, have your DH tell Dad that he had his chance to enroll his kids in his desired sport when he was the parent.  Then he should say while skiing (or whatever) is fun, you don't want to commit her to a 3 hour activity each week as you are not interested in driving her or having her spend that much time not doing homework.

If you and your DH think that if the ILs want to take DD for a weekend trip or two for favorite activity, then tell them you are willing to do that when it fits in.  It might be neat for your DD to have a special activity with the ILs.

[Dragonflymom]

Stop bean dipping, thank your ILs for their generous offer and tell them the sport really isn't DD's cup of tea.

POD to this.

It's actually not really kind to the ILs to keep bean dipping when this comes up.  It just keeps them hoping that she'll do whatever the other activity is with them.  Best to just tell them no, that won't work for you, then if you want to be kind invite them to watch games and practices of your daughter's other winter sport.

[artk2002]

I'm with PP. Some combination of "Thank you for the offer but we won't be taking you up on it." and your DH saying "Dad, you had a chance to be the sport-parent, now it's our turn. I'm glad you want to have a shared activity with your granddaughter, but competitive snowman construction is not in the cards." Then you take the Toots/broken-record approach: "We've given our answer and the subject is closed." Same phrase, every time.