Author Topic: Choosing kid's activities  (Read 5421 times)

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Roe

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Re: Choosing kid's activities
« Reply #30 on: January 31, 2013, 11:06:14 AM »

Given that it's a whole year away, I don't see why you must commit to a vacation now.  If it takes that long to plan, then say "because we can't be sure what we will be doing next year, I'm afraid we are going to have to decline your offer." 

And how do you know your daughter won't like this sport next year?  She might.  You never know so I wouldn't write it off completely just yet.  Though I do think the fact that your FIL scoffed at you was rude and he needs to be put in his place for it but it really should come from your DH. 

learningtofly

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Re: Choosing kid's activities
« Reply #31 on: January 31, 2013, 02:13:11 PM »
OP here.  DD is four.  It's way too early to overschedule her and her life will not be ruined if she doesn't try everything now. 

I will tell FIL it's too early to commit to a trip next year.  DD seemed to have a good time and I thought it would improve her reaction to them, but sadly she went back to her old ways the next time they came by.  She'll probably grow out of it or at least she'll learn to use her manners.  She does better with them when I'm not around to be alpha dog parent and has probably picked up that they are happier when I'm not around so they can be grandparents and not some person who came by.

Right now I think DD does associate the activity with going away and we told her she can do it with us and sleep in her own bed.  She would be taking lessons which is what FIL has offered to pay for.  He wouldn't be around for it nor would he take her to the lessons.  He would either be working or participating in the sport himself.  So far DD has turned us down and the second sport I'm thinking of offerring her she has begged for.  So I can't see her doing two sports in the fall and then suddenly dropping them fo the winter.  Kids can change their mind season to season and it is up to her. 

No more bean dipping.  He caught me off guard.  Next time I'll tell him straight out.  Thank you!!

bopper

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Re: Choosing kid's activities
« Reply #32 on: January 31, 2013, 02:30:05 PM »
I am not saying that you should put your DD in this sport, but I also think that 4 year olds don't know what they like.
Many kids might not like a sport until they have gained some kind of competence in it.
I signed my kids up for soccer and didn't really ask them because they would have no clue.
Over time they have had more and more input into what they do.

At her age, it is more about what you want (unless they absolutely hate it.) Do you want to commit to the time?
Do you want her to be able to do this sport? Do you want her to have this in common with the grandparents?
Is this a handy skill for her to have in the future?  Those are all things you decide.

As far as season sports, it depends. My kids did gymnastics year round, but soccer in the fall and softball in the sprint.
It is good to mix it up, I think.  But that all depends on how it works logistically for you.
Of course if she is begging for a sport, I would take that as very strong input into a decision.

As far as the vacation, say that you will keep it in mind but do not want to plan that far in advance at this point.

Lynn2000

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Re: Choosing kid's activities
« Reply #33 on: January 31, 2013, 03:41:40 PM »
OP here.  DD is four.  It's way too early to overschedule her and her life will not be ruined if she doesn't try everything now. 

I will tell FIL it's too early to commit to a trip next year.  DD seemed to have a good time and I thought it would improve her reaction to them, but sadly she went back to her old ways the next time they came by.  She'll probably grow out of it or at least she'll learn to use her manners.  She does better with them when I'm not around to be alpha dog parent and has probably picked up that they are happier when I'm not around so they can be grandparents and not some person who came by.

Right now I think DD does associate the activity with going away and we told her she can do it with us and sleep in her own bed.  She would be taking lessons which is what FIL has offered to pay for.  He wouldn't be around for it nor would he take her to the lessons.  He would either be working or participating in the sport himself.  So far DD has turned us down and the second sport I'm thinking of offerring her she has begged for.  So I can't see her doing two sports in the fall and then suddenly dropping them fo the winter.  Kids can change their mind season to season and it is up to her. 

No more bean dipping.  He caught me off guard.  Next time I'll tell him straight out.  Thank you!!

OP, glad you clarified, I was thinking DD was 12 or something. Also, the fact that FIL would not really be involved in DD's activity at all except for paying for it and knowing she was doing it (maybe coming to the occasional game?) is important to me. Again, it just reminds me of when I was a kid and I was made to do activities not because I was interested in them or because my parents really thought they were good for me, but because other family members wanted to reap the benefits (in my case, music--attending concerts, hearing me play for them at home, etc.). I was older, more like 11, and more cognizant of what was going on and that I didn't want to be doing the activities. Not that kids should get to dictate every single thing in their lives, of course, but obviously I look back on this with some bitterness. :)

Sometimes I like to make for/against lists... In this case, the only things that seem to be "for" the activity are that FIL would be happy and stop bugging you about it, and you wouldn't have to pay for it. There seem to be a lot more "against" reasons, such as DD being more interested in something else, you not wanting to overschedule her or schedule things too far in advance, not wanting to give in to FIL's badgering, etc.. Sounds like whatever decision you make/have made, though, you are prepared to be firm with FIL about it, so good for you.
~Lynn2000

ccnumber4

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Re: Choosing kid's activities
« Reply #34 on: February 01, 2013, 10:50:06 AM »
 

I will tell FIL it's too early to commit to a trip next year.  DD seemed to have a good time and I thought it would improve her reaction to them, but sadly she went back to her old ways the next time they came by.  She'll probably grow out of it or at least she'll learn to use her manners.  She does better with them when I'm not around to be alpha dog parent and has probably picked up that they are happier when I'm not around so they can be grandparents and not some person who came by.
 

I think this is a very good observation.  It's clear you aren't overly fond of your inlaws and your DD has probably picked up on that.  Kids want to please, especially their parents and she may feel guilty when she enjoys her time with them.  It's great that you recognize that helping to foster a good relationship between your child and her grandparents is important.