At the grocery with my 2-year old

[EMuir]

I agree that of the two options, having a child screaming but safe is the better option.  He may scream at first, but once he sees you aren't giving in, it should stop.  Good luck.

[LeveeWoman]

there have been times with DS where I feel a bit like I'm herding him through the store like he's a sheep. 

Ha ha ha!  Yes, I often also feel like I'm herding sheep when I'm at the grocery with my son. 

If he is being bribed the entire time, every trip, then it sounds like he is training you rather than the other way around.

I'm not bribing him the every time we go to the store.  I bribe him for long trips so he will stay in the cart for the entire trip.  Otherwise, he'll sit in the cart for 2 minutes and then he wants to get out.  If I don't let him out, he starts screaming bloody murder.

Actually, recently, we did manage a medium sized grocery trip with him in the cart, and I didn't have to bribe him.  I was extremely nervous the whole time though, because, I really, really hate it when I've picked up several items, and then my son starts screaming.  This has happened several times in the past, and I can't continue shopping, so I end up having to abandon the cart with the closest grocery store employee, and run out of the store with the still screaming child, and I'm positive some of the looks I've gotten from people have been of the "control your child" variety.  I've also gotten some "been there, done that" type of look too, lol.

It can be just as dangerous if he falls and smacks his head on the floor.

It is extremely rude to put people in the situation where they have to watch out for a small child when they're taking care of their own grocery shopping.

How fast do you need to be going for that to happen?  My son isn't running, he's walking.  If the person with the cart is moving so fast that my son falls hard enough to hit his head on the floor, I'd say that person needs to slow down regardless of who is in the grocery store.

I walk at a brisk pace, focused on taking care of business. I don't have tunnel vision and I am aware of what's going on, but why should it be on me to look out for a little kid who's not under the physical control of his parent?

[Lynn2000]

I think it's splitting hairs to wonder who the "watch out!" is being directed towards. I mean, if you yell "watch out!" at the grocery store because your toddler and the cart someone is pushing are about to collide, it will get the attention of both the toddler and the cart-pusher. Actually, it seems more likely to me that the adult cart-pusher will pay attention to the warning, even if it's meant for the toddler. I mean, one wouldn't expect that upon yelling "watch out!" the toddler will stop in his tracks, look around, and remove himself to safety, while the adult cart-pusher blithely continues on their path without stopping, slowing, or even noticing the kid. (I'm sure it does happen, but not really what you'd expect.) Even if someone yelled "watch out, Timmy!" in my vicinity, I would be glancing around to see if Timmy and I were about to collide.

I think if you're at the point where you're yelling "watch out!" in a grocery store, it's a safety issue in that moment, and you say what you need to say to alert everyone to the fact that there's a problem. To me, it's what happens afterward that's more important in determining politeness--Timmy's mom apologizes to me and starts chiding Timmy vs. Timmy's mom chides me. And, what happens before--if Timmy can be prevented from running around the store in the first place.

[Honeypickle]

"I think it's splitting hairs to wonder who the "watch out!" is being directed towards. I mean, if you yell "watch out!" at the grocery store because your toddler and the cart someone is pushing are about to collide, it will get the attention of both the toddler and the cart-pusher."

As a general safety tip, obviously just shouting "Watch Out" is effective. Here, we are answering the question of whether it's rude to yell "Watch Out" at the grocery store; if "Son's Name" is inserted first, it avoids any other potential cuctomer thinking you are shouting at them and therefore you are avoiding being thought rude.

[mmswm]

Shygirl, I think that we may be coming across as "dogpiling" you.  Please don't take it that way.  Parenting a toddler is hard work.  Those of us offering advise are doing so out of genuine concern and helpfulness, not trying to paint you as a bad parent.

That said, feeding a neverending supply of french fries *is* bribing.  There's a time and a place for bribery, but if you have to do it almost all the time, then it's time to do something else.  Yes, it's embarrassing to have your child screaming bloody murder in a cart.  We get that.  Anybody who's ever had a toddler, however, will look at you knowingly and remember our own experiences with a strong-willed toddler and smile, not judge you.

As to the question of how fast you need to be going to hurt a toddler?  The answer is not fast at all.  A slow moving cart making impact at just the right angle can do serious damage, including the need for stitches and, in one case that I witnessed, a broken arm.  The child was actually just standing there, not moving at all.  The person with the cart was moving at a snail's pace, but didn't see the child.  She bumped the child, the child lost his balance.  The way he hit the floor twisted his arm just so and he wound up with a clean break through his ulna.  Toddlers have soft bones.  It can happen.

[shygirl]

Our first daughter was severely shy. It was not one of those things we could train out of her; no amount of socializing brought her anxiety down to normal when we were in public. We went a year without ever taking her to a store or restaurant, it was that bad. So I sympathize. She suddenly snapped out of it around age two and a half, for which I'm very thankful. That's a case where you have to wait out the phase and can't really do anything about it. I'm very thankful my husband could do grocery runs on his way home from work, or that I could go at night without the kids; I know that's not always possible, but if your son just needs to outgrow this phase, I would avoid the store with him as much as possible.

On the other hand, my three year old was very willful in the store, and we had to train her out of it. For a while, I only went to the store with my husband. If the then-two year old didn't like the cart and started pitching a fit, I took her out to the car and strapped her in her seat, which she hated even more. My husband continued shopping. This took a couple of months; we did it from mid-winter through mid-spring before it started clicking. It was extremely unfun, but that's just part of being a parent sometimes.

It's really unfair to put other people in the position of almost injuring a toddler. If I ran over a little kid in the store and hurt him, I wouldn't really care if it was my fault; I would feel awful for the poor child. Not to mention the possibility of him running into an elderly person or a store display.

Oh, believe me, I avoid going shopping with him at ALL COSTS.  But, my husband and I work opposite schedules, and I don't have a lot of babysitting options right now. 

During summer last year, I did try just continue shopping with my son screaming in the cart.  He didn't calm down.  He just got louder and louder, and would violently start thrashing around in the seat.  The strap in the cart was useless, and I got worried about him not staying in the seat.  Eventually, I would have to leave with him, kicking and screaming, and strap him down in his carseat, and wait until he calmed down.  Once, this took 20 minutes!  Then go back in the store with the whimpering, but not screaming, child and pay for the items I did manage to pick out.

He is getting better, and as I mentioned in an earlier post, it looks like the bribe is not always going to be necessary.  I hope in another few months, I can train him to hold onto the cart while we're walking around the store.

 

[Zilla]

It can be just as dangerous if he falls and smacks his head on the floor.

It is extremely rude to put people in the situation where they have to watch out for a small child when they're taking care of their own grocery shopping.


Shygirl:
How fast do you need to be going for that to happen?  My son isn't running, he's walking.  If the person with the cart is moving so fast that my son falls hard enough to hit his head on the floor, I'd say that person needs to slow down regardless of who is in the grocery store.

Not fast at all, it's the force of two moving objects colliding.  I know this as I myself knocked down a tiny toddler with a cart once.  I was so horrified and felt so bad the entire day.  Heck I still feel bad that it happened and it was some time ago.  I can't stress enough that you really need to take consistent measures in either holding your kid's hand or putting him in a cart or taking a stroller.  Problem is once you "give" in, the kid will take a mile and cry till you give in.  If you don't give in ever, he will get used to staying in the cart/holding hand etc.  But once you compromise and let him not hold hands sometimes or let him out of the cart sometimes, it's harder to keep them in when you need to.
Instead of food, you can try books/toys that clip onto the cart etc to keep him entertained.  It's what I did.  As for your question, instead of yelling, I would quickly take the last 2 steps and grab him.  Then tell the kid, "You need to watch where you are going.  Now you are holding my hand." 

[Sharnita]

And letting him run loose so you don't need to give him fries or listen to him scream is still letting him dictate the terms.

[Lynn2000]

"I think it's splitting hairs to wonder who the "watch out!" is being directed towards. I mean, if you yell "watch out!" at the grocery store because your toddler and the cart someone is pushing are about to collide, it will get the attention of both the toddler and the cart-pusher."

As a general safety tip, obviously just shouting "Watch Out" is effective. Here, we are answering the question of whether it's rude to yell "Watch Out" at the grocery store; if "Son's Name" is inserted first, it avoids any other potential cuctomer thinking you are shouting at them and therefore you are avoiding being thought rude.

Well, I guess just "watch out" seems neutral to me, then. "Watch out!" plus a glare at me and "Hey, you need to watch where you're going with that cart!" is rude. "Watch out!" plus "I'm so sorry he darted in front of you like that!" is not rude. Adding the child's name to either warning does not, in my opinion, change anything.

[WillyNilly]

For me, I wouldn't be offended by the "watch out!"

But I have to say if you are letting your kid wander around more then a foot or two away from your side, I also feel I get to speak to him, and I get to say "watch out" or "you need to look where you are going" or "no running" or "this is not an ok place to play" or "don't stand in front of my cart" or "excuse me but you need to move over" or "please don't touch/pull things down" and the like if I see the kid in a situation that warrants comment. Because once you are not actively engaged in parenting your kid, and letting him be out interacting in the world, the world gets to interact back.

[acicularis]

It would probably be better if you could say "Son's name, watch out!" instead of just "Watch out!" Failing that, smile and apologize to the other shopper. Heck, smile and apologize anyway, to show that you're sorry he got in their way.

Hang in there. Shopping with him will get easier. Sounds like you're working on keeping him close and teaching him how to behave.

He might not be ready for this yet, but one thing I did when my kids were toddlers was give a little "list" of their own --with drawings instead of words. Once they were starting to recognize letters, I'd write a couple simple words. No, they weren't really reading, but knew that "eggs" started with "e" and "milk" started with "m" and their job was to look for those things. It was another way to keep them occupied in addition to or instead of snacks.

[suzieQ]

How fast do you need to be going for that to happen?  My son isn't running, he's walking.  If the person with the cart is moving so fast that my son falls hard enough to hit his head on the floor, I'd say that person needs to slow down regardless of who is in the grocery store.

Not very fast. Grocery store floors are *hard*. I watched a two year old get bumped into by another child once. The two year old fell straight back and hit her head on the floor. Was unresponsive for several minutes. Saw her mom pick her up and the child was just *limp*. Looked like she was dead! Scared the crap out of all the adults in the area. Mom took her to the hospital and she is fine now (I know the family) but it was a VERY scary moment there!

[shygirl]

"I think it's splitting hairs to wonder who the "watch out!" is being directed towards. I mean, if you yell "watch out!" at the grocery store because your toddler and the cart someone is pushing are about to collide, it will get the attention of both the toddler and the cart-pusher."

As a general safety tip, obviously just shouting "Watch Out" is effective. Here, we are answering the question of whether it's rude to yell "Watch Out" at the grocery store; if "Son's Name" is inserted first, it avoids any other potential cuctomer thinking you are shouting at them and therefore you are avoiding being thought rude.

Well, I guess just "watch out" seems neutral to me, then. "Watch out!" plus a glare at me and "Hey, you need to watch where you're going with that cart!" is rude. "Watch out!" plus "I'm so sorry he darted in front of you like that!" is not rude. Adding the child's name to either warning does not, in my opinion, change anything.

I definitely do not glare at anyone.  I just try to keep an eye on my son, and if I see him wandering into someone's else path, I call out to him.  And then if I forget to use his name, and I see the person with the cart looking at us, I don't apologize, but I do say that I was talking to my kid and not her.

I feel like I'm pretty obvious that I'm telling my kid to watch out, and not that anyone else needs to watch where they are going.  Although, people should watch where they are going.

One time, we were leaving the store, and a lady came barrelling into the store at a fast pace, completely looking in a different direction than where she was going.  She would have run into both of us, if I didn't stop and yank on my son's hair to keep him moving forward anymore.  That when I said "watch out", I was talking to her, but I didn't glare at her or say it nastily.

[Moray]

If he is being bribed the entire time, every trip, then it sounds like he is training you rather than the other way around.

I have to agree with this.  I also agree with the PP who mentioned doing a "trail run."  Go to the store and hold his hand, when he starts screaming, leave. 

My kids used to hate (hate!) hand holding too but they knew that if they wanted to be out and about, it was either that or nothing.  They accepted it (after a few "trial runs") and no more tantrums! Good luck!

Agreed. He's got you trained to either give him fries in the cart, or let him run wild for fear he might scream. This is a 2yo. They're not always going to do what you want, or what is appropriate, or what is safe. (Like running helter skelter into other people's carts. Even if you've "got an eye on him", that's pretty unsafe for all involved) That's why you have to parent them.

[Sophia]

Mine likes to help me push the cart.  She started at about 1.5 years old. She walks between me and the cart and pushes on the lower shelf.  I steer, and tell her when to stop.  her other option is to ride in the cart.