At the grocery with my 2-year old

[shygirl]

Use your son's name, and apologize to other.shoppers when he inconveniences them. As a side note, have you had his vision checked? It sounds like he's running into a lot of objects.

Actually, we have had his vision checked, although it's time for a re-check.  But the reason he's running into things is because he's not looking where he is going.  Even if he does need glasses, it's not going to help if he's looking to his left while moving forward.

Practice runs are not a bad idea, but I'll save that for the weather doesn't suck so much.  (I live in northeastern MA, and honestly right now, I am only going out with him unless he's bleeding or we're out of his precious orange juice.)

Ah, 2 year olds and public.  One of my children really hates holding hands, but he's at an age where he just has to if we are in an environment like a grocery store.  I would say you should probably work on that piece.  I wouldn't be upset if you yelled "watch out" in my direction in a store, as it would probably be pretty obvious what was happening. 

Definitely working on holding hands.  In places like parking lots, I hold on to his hand even though he's screaming at the top of his lungs, and being difficult about where we have to go.  I figure, it's outside and more dangerous than being inside the actual store, so I deal with it.  Inside the store, though, it's not really so life-threatening to run into a shopping cart.  And he does behave much better if I don't insist on holding his hand.  He doesn't scream, he doesn't run away from me.  He will just walk next to me, or a little ahead of me, quietly.  And not always looking in the direction he is moving.

[Girly]

I have a 2 year old. Whenever we go anywhere, including stores, he is either holding my hand, or in a cart. Sometimes he cries when he is in the cart, which I ignore. He settles down after a minute or two of me ignoring him (never longer than that), and I try to go in 'off' hours.

His dad, however, bows to his screaming, and the baby knows this. Even though they are two, they are smart kids, and for sure know what they can and can't get away with.

As advise to you, yes, I think it is a bit rude to just yell 'Watch Out!' when your son is about to walk into someone else. If someone did that to me, I'd think they were talking to me. I agree with the above posters that you need to change what you are doing with him. Two year olds very rarely listen..... or maybe it's just mine

[Sharnita]

If he is being bribed the entire time, every trip, then it sounds like he is training you rather than the other way around.

[Girly]

If he is being bribed the entire time, every trip, then it sounds like he is training you rather than the other way around.

Yes, this too. I didn't even mention it in my previous post, but definitely this.

[LeveeWoman]

Use your son's name, and apologize to other.shoppers when he inconveniences them. As a side note, have you had his vision checked? It sounds like he's running into a lot of objects.

Actually, we have had his vision checked, although it's time for a re-check.  But the reason he's running into things is because he's not looking where he is going.  Even if he does need glasses, it's not going to help if he's looking to his left while moving forward.

Practice runs are not a bad idea, but I'll save that for the weather doesn't suck so much.  (I live in northeastern MA, and honestly right now, I am only going out with him unless he's bleeding or we're out of his precious orange juice.)

Ah, 2 year olds and public.  One of my children really hates holding hands, but he's at an age where he just has to if we are in an environment like a grocery store.  I would say you should probably work on that piece.  I wouldn't be upset if you yelled "watch out" in my direction in a store, as it would probably be pretty obvious what was happening. 

Definitely working on holding hands.  In places like parking lots, I hold on to his hand even though he's screaming at the top of his lungs, and being difficult about where we have to go.  I figure, it's outside and more dangerous than being inside the actual store, so I deal with it. Inside the store, though, it's not really so life-threatening to run into a shopping cart.  And he does behave much better if I don't insist on holding his hand.  He doesn't scream, he doesn't run away from me.  He will just walk next to me, or a little ahead of me, quietly.  And not always looking in the direction he is moving.

It can be just as dangerous if he falls and smacks his head on the floor.

It is extremely rude to put people in the situation where they have to watch out for a small child when they're taking care of their own grocery shopping.

[Amava]

My DS is 4 and he still occasionally walks into things.  It's not his vision (it's been tested multiple times) but more that he tends to be in his own world a bit.

Well... I'm 39 and I've still not outgrown that. 

[perpetua]

It is extremely rude to put people in the situation where they have to watch out for a small child when they're taking care of their own grocery shopping.

This. You need to be controlling your child in the supermarket. If you can not, he should not be in there.

[CluelessBride]

Are you apologizing to the people your son is running/almost running into after you yell "Watch out!"?  If not, then I definitely think you are being rude, and I think it's far more likely that they will think you were yelling at them. I also think "Watch out, son!" in infinitely better.

I do have sympathy for parents, especially when they are in an emergency situation and have to go to the store, but I do think they need to realize that even if they can't control their child's behavior, they need to own up to it.

Since you are in the New England areas, have you looked into Peapod at Stop and Shop?  In my area, there is a fee for delivery, but in store pickup is free. Might cut down on roaming the aisles.

[cheyne]

I would feel terrible if a toddler ran into me or my cart and fell/hurt himself.  Even if it wasn't my fault.  I am concerned for elderly shoppers or someone with a cane being run into by a small child.  An adult that's not too steady on their feet could fall and injure themselves and the toddler.

OP, I think you need to stop bribing your son and take the attitude that "of course it's expected that you will sit in the cart" when grocery shopping.  He will scream the first time, scream less the second time, and progressively less each time as he sees that you are serious.  Don't get angry, just take the attitude that "this is the way it is" in a very matter of fact way.

[mmswm]

I would feel terrible if a toddler ran into me or my cart and fell/hurt himself.  Even if it wasn't my fault.  I am concerned for elderly shoppers or someone with a cane being run into by a small child.  An adult that's not too steady on their feet could fall and injure themselves and the toddler.

OP, I think you need to stop bribing your son and take the attitude that "of course it's expected that you will sit in the cart" when grocery shopping.  He will scream the first time, scream less the second time, and progressively less each time as he sees that you are serious.  Don't get angry, just take the attitude that "this is the way it is" in a very matter of fact way.

I've had a few outings where I was serenaded by a screaming toddler for exactly this reason.  I tried to avoid those by the "practice runs" I described earlier, but sometimes a cranky toddler forgets what he's practiced.

[Roe]

If he is being bribed the entire time, every trip, then it sounds like he is training you rather than the other way around.

I have to agree with this.  I also agree with the PP who mentioned doing a "trail run."  Go to the store and hold his hand, when he starts screaming, leave. 

My kids used to hate (hate!) hand holding too but they knew that if they wanted to be out and about, it was either that or nothing.  They accepted it (after a few "trial runs") and no more tantrums! Good luck!

[LeveeWoman]

I'd rather put up with a screaming toddler than one who's not under physical control.

[RegionMom]

My kids are 18 mos apart, so almost like twins. 

I had to train them to hold hands, no matter what, for their safety.  No matter what.

Like another poster that wrote about their dog's getting off leash and another poster responded with an article about an Emergency Come command, the one time you truly DO need to have your child right next to you may be the time they do not because they have trained you, instead of your training him.

Do not give in to their fits.  You are raising a special snowflake if you do.

How I trained my kids in grocery stores--you know how there are free cookies or baked goods, or fruit for 25 cents for children to get?  Or even a balloon giveaway from the store?  or a token for the coupon machine at the store? And many parents get those at the first of the trip to distract the child? 

Well, I held that as a reward for the end of the trip.  And a few times, one child would receive the "prize" while the other did not.  Oh, the howling in the car!  but, not in the store!

Practice runs are a great idea.  Put nothing perishable in your basket and be prepared to leave.  no cajoling.   

Engage your child to help you.  "Should we get red or green apples?"  "Which bread is it that daddy likes?"  "Do you want red or blue box of cereal?"  "How many juice boxes are in the box?"  and so on...

That way, you are engaging in pre-math and educational conversations, teaching your son life skills of grocery shopping and decision making, he is paying attention, and although it may take longer,the pay off is so worth it!

My kids are teens now and I can divvy up a shopping list and meet them up front.  We will have best price comparisons, the list followed just right, and they know how to put away the groceries at home. 

It all began when they were babies in the car seat, and then the grocery seat, hearing me talk to them and engaging them. 

It is work.

But, "this too, shall pass."

The fact that you are asking for help is a good sign--you are aware of a potential snowflake in training, and want to stop!

Bonus-
one store used to have small signs that said, "If cashier does not offer Deal of the Week to you, then you get it for free!" and once my kids could read, they learned to pay attention and more than once we received free items at the checkout counter.  And almost every time the cashier would say, "No one else ever notices!"

Teaching a child to pay attention is a wonderful gift.

Good luck!

[MrsJWine]

Our first daughter was severely shy. It was not one of those things we could train out of her; no amount of socializing brought her anxiety down to normal when we were in public. We went a year without ever taking her to a store or restaurant, it was that bad. So I sympathize. She suddenly snapped out of it around age two and a half, for which I'm very thankful. That's a case where you have to wait out the phase and can't really do anything about it. I'm very thankful my husband could do grocery runs on his way home from work, or that I could go at night without the kids; I know that's not always possible, but if your son just needs to outgrow this phase, I would avoid the store with him as much as possible.

On the other hand, my three year old was very willful in the store, and we had to train her out of it. For a while, I only went to the store with my husband. If the then-two year old didn't like the cart and started pitching a fit, I took her out to the car and strapped her in her seat, which she hated even more. My husband continued shopping. This took a couple of months; we did it from mid-winter through mid-spring before it started clicking. It was extremely unfun, but that's just part of being a parent sometimes.

It's really unfair to put other people in the position of almost injuring a toddler. If I ran over a little kid in the store and hurt him, I wouldn't really care if it was my fault; I would feel awful for the poor child. Not to mention the possibility of him running into an elderly person or a store display.

[shygirl]

there have been times with DS where I feel a bit like I'm herding him through the store like he's a sheep. 

Ha ha ha!  Yes, I often also feel like I'm herding sheep when I'm at the grocery with my son. 

If he is being bribed the entire time, every trip, then it sounds like he is training you rather than the other way around.

I'm not bribing him the every time we go to the store.  I bribe him for long trips so he will stay in the cart for the entire trip.  Otherwise, he'll sit in the cart for 2 minutes and then he wants to get out.  If I don't let him out, he starts screaming bloody murder.

Actually, recently, we did manage a medium sized grocery trip with him in the cart, and I didn't have to bribe him.  I was extremely nervous the whole time though, because, I really, really hate it when I've picked up several items, and then my son starts screaming.  This has happened several times in the past, and I can't continue shopping, so I end up having to abandon the cart with the closest grocery store employee, and run out of the store with the still screaming child, and I'm positive some of the looks I've gotten from people have been of the "control your child" variety.  I've also gotten some "been there, done that" type of look too, lol.

It can be just as dangerous if he falls and smacks his head on the floor.

It is extremely rude to put people in the situation where they have to watch out for a small child when they're taking care of their own grocery shopping.

How fast do you need to be going for that to happen?  My son isn't running, he's walking.  If the person with the cart is moving so fast that my son falls hard enough to hit his head on the floor, I'd say that person needs to slow down regardless of who is in the grocery store.