At the grocery with my 2-year old

[guihong]

I was once in the store when a toddler got away from his mother for "just a second" and destroyed a display of cracker boxes.   It made extra work for a clerk to put them back, but thankfully it wasn't a bunch of cans.  There are also sharp corners, freezer doors, and sometimes hot things (like rotisserie chicken).  All the more reason to either leave him at home or keep him in the cart.

[CakeBeret]

IMO it's a parenting issue. You're not in control of your child and he could get hurt. I know it stinks when your kid doesn't want to hold your hand/walk/sit/be quiet, but letting him run in the path of carts is not the answer. I think it is rude to let him roam freely enough that he's creating an unsafe situation and then shout vaguely.

I also think this is excellent advice:

OP, I think you need to stop bribing your son and take the attitude that "of course it's expected that you will sit in the cart" when grocery shopping.  He will scream the first time, scream less the second time, and progressively less each time as he sees that you are serious.  Don't get angry, just take the attitude that "this is the way it is" in a very matter of fact way.

My 3yo son and I usually go on 3 shopping excursions each Saturday. In one store, he's expected to sit and behave. In the second store, I'll let him have either a toy or some cheerios for distraction. At the last store, he gets applesauce at the end of the trip if he behaves. I have grocery shopped with him screaming before. I curtail my trip and check out asap, and he learns that screaming gets him absolutely no results.

[snowdragon]

Use your son's name, and apologize to other.shoppers when he inconveniences them. As a side note, have you had his vision checked? It sounds like he's running into a lot of objects.

Actually, we have had his vision checked, although it's time for a re-check.  But the reason he's running into things is because he's not looking where he is going.  Even if he does need glasses, it's not going to help if he's looking to his left while moving forward.

Practice runs are not a bad idea, but I'll save that for the weather doesn't suck so much.  (I live in northeastern MA, and honestly right now, I am only going out with him unless he's bleeding or we're out of his precious orange juice.)

Ah, 2 year olds and public.  One of my children really hates holding hands, but he's at an age where he just has to if we are in an environment like a grocery store.  I would say you should probably work on that piece.  I wouldn't be upset if you yelled "watch out" in my direction in a store, as it would probably be pretty obvious what was happening. 

Definitely working on holding hands.  In places like parking lots, I hold on to his hand even though he's screaming at the top of his lungs, and being difficult about where we have to go.  I figure, it's outside and more dangerous than being inside the actual store, so I deal with it.  Inside the store, though, it's not really so life-threatening to run into a shopping cart. And he does behave much better if I don't insist on holding his hand.  He doesn't scream, he doesn't run away from me.  He will just walk next to me, or a little ahead of me, quietly.  And not always looking in the direction he is moving.

You also said he runs into people.  A running two year old would put me on the floor.  I could get severely hurt falling on my already bad knees and the impact of his body into mine would be excruciating and leave me in pain for days.  I'd be livid if a kid did that to me..  and yelling "watch out" would not mitigate any of that.  No would a "sorry" - you seem to feel that allowing a child who you admit  does not even watch where he is going to run into people or things is perfectly acceptable, I am here to tell you that while HE may not get hurt buy it you could be costing someone else a A LOT of pain. And that's if the unfortunate victim is not using a walker or elderly - he could legitimately cause them a lot more than pain.  But that's ok as long as your kid gets to run ahead of you and not watch for other people.  I try to watch but I  can't see behind me, I can't see around displays and the corners of aisles or even other shoppers. Your kid is creating a hazard for other people - one that they may have to deal with the consequences of long after you are gone. 

[TootsNYC]

I love the idea of making your kid your partner in shopping. If he has to fetch the eggs, or the bread, etc., he'll feel SO important, and he'll be focused.

And don't underestimate him intellectually! I knows the bread packaging you use; he can be taught to open the top of the egg carton and check to see that none are broken, and probably even to carry it. If that worried you, then he can be the one to pick the carton and point it out to you.

You may have to spend a lot of time on teaching him, but BOY does he want to learn, and BOY does he want to be a grownup. Even if he's just *finding* the eggs, and looking for the one w/ the word "large" (he can recognize it if he can't read it).

Kids have AMAZING memories; grownups underestimate them all the time. Their brains are far more developed than their bodies.

I absolutely don't think you need to leave your kid at home or keep him in the cart. But you *do* have to invest your time and energy in involving him in the process of life. You need to plan on spending more time at the store--you can't zip in and out as if he's a package. He's a companion, and you'll have a better time (and a smarter and more compliant kid) if you treat him like one, and give him a chance to fully participate in your joint shopping trip, instead of just "coming along for the ride."

It would be a lot of fun, actually. The "Stop Your Feet" game was a TON of fun, and my kids really never did get that I invented it solely so I didn't have to worry about them running into traffic or getting too far away from me.


And I agree w/Hmmmm--yelling shouldn't be required (I'm not sure what you mean by "yelling"--you could simply mean "speaking a little bit more sharply and a tiny bit louder in a manner that is designed to catch attention"--it's a very flexible word).

[shygirl]

Umm, I never said he ran into people.  I said he would start heading towards other people, or might be in their path.

Also, people keep on saying "he's running".  He's not running.  He is walking. 

[Moray]

Shygirl, it really seems like you're just looking for validation at this point, and I don't know that you're going to find it. Many posters, including quite a few that either have toddlers currently, or who have already raised their children, are telling you that you and your son's shopping behavior is both counterproductive and impolite.

[perpetua]

Umm, I never said he ran into people.  I said he would start heading towards other people, or might be in their path.

Also, people keep on saying "he's running".  He's not running.  He is walking.

You said in your original post "(WHEN is this lesson going to sink in?  You'd think after running into walls, doors and people for the past few months, he would have learned by now.),"

That's 'running into people'.

If the lesson isn't sinking in, then you need to remove him from the situations in which he does this so that he does not hurt people. I'm sorry, but there is no excuse for allowing your child to run into people in a public place.

[DottyG]

I agree with a lot of people here.  I can't quote all of them lest the post be huge.

This is an excellent example of one I agree with

OP, I think you need to stop bribing your son and take the attitude that "of course it's expected that you will sit in the cart"* when grocery shopping.  He will scream the first time, scream less the second time, and progressively less each time as he sees that you are serious.  Don't get angry, just take the attitude that "this is the way it is" in a very matter of fact way.

* Since you do want him to be able to walk as well, I'd even modify that to say "will sit in the cart or walk beside you holding onto the side of the cart"
 
Yes, he'll balk at it the first few times.  And you soldier through those tantrums until he learns that YOU are the authority here and not him.  Because, right now, he's got you wrappped around his little finger.  And, while he's not one yet by any means, you don't want this to be the learning stages of a SS in the future.
 
 

[shygirl]

Umm, I never said he ran into people.  I said he would start heading towards other people, or might be in their path.

Also, people keep on saying "he's running".  He's not running.  He is walking.

You said in your original post "(WHEN is this lesson going to sink in?  You'd think after running into walls, doors and people for the past few months, he would have learned by now.),"

That's 'running into people'.

If the lesson isn't sinking in, then you need to remove him from the situations in which he does this so that he does not hurt people. I'm sorry, but there is no excuse for allowing your child to run into people in a public place.

You're right, I did say that.  He does run into people, me and my husband.  At the grocery store, he is not moving fast enough to do that. 

[DottyG]

Moray's right.

Shygirl, it really seems like you're just looking for validation at this point, and I don't know that you're going to find it. Many posters, including quite a few that either have toddlers currently, or who have already raised their children, are telling you that you and your son's shopping behavior is both counterproductive and impolite.

(You posted at the same time I was.  This wasn't a direct response to your last post - just a comment in general.)
 
 

[BeagleMommy]

Oh, the joys of two-year-old boys.  Iron wills, attention spans shorter than a gnat and no fear!  I remember it all to well.

Shygirl, I don't think you are rude for calling out "Watch out" if your DS gets too far ahead and isn't paying attention.

I can only suggest what worked for me with my DS.  DH and I (if we were alone with DS) would tell him, before we got to the store, that he had to walk and hold onto the cart.  If he did not he would be put in the cart.  When we arrived at the entrance to the store we would say "Okay, what did we talk about?" and make him repeat what was expected of him.  If he didn't do as was expected, into the cart he went and no amount of screaming or thrashing would change our minds.  If anything we would say to him "I told you what would happen if you didn't hold onto the cart.".

[Sharnita]

Another option is that if he doesn't stsy in or by the cart, he get's a time out in the car or maybe doesn't get the orange juice he expects, etc.

[Tabby Uprising]

Shygirl, I think you're fine.  My only recommendation would be to say "Watch out, DS" and then apologize to the person he got in the way of.  You describe him as walking, not running and state he's about 1-2 feet away from you.  He's not running amok.  He doesn't have a vision problem.  He's two and isn't vigilant about watching where he's going.

You're getting criticized for sometimes giving him fries when he's in the shopping cart so he doesn't cry.  But I've seen threads get really heated here when parents are in public with fussing/crying children and many posters feel that's rude.  Some people think you're wrong to have him quiet with fries in a cart, some people will think you're rude to let him fuss it out minus the fries in the cart, and others may think you should stay home and order groceries online.

You can't please everyone and it sounds like you are making the best of a tricky situation.  No actual individuals have been harmed.  All you've had to do is remind your son to watch where he's going when he's walking.  Continue to keep an eye on him and try other methods to keep him engaged in your errands.

Good luck!

[shygirl]

Shygirl, it really seems like you're just looking for validation at this point, and I don't know that you're going to find it. Many posters, including quite a few that either have toddlers currently, or who have already raised their children, are telling you that you and your son's shopping behavior is both counterproductive and impolite.

Actually, I asked if I was rude to yell "watch out".  (And I wouldn't really say I'm yelling, but it is with a raised voice.)

I think most people have said it might be rude, or it might not be rude, depending on how I do it.  My original question wasn't about whether it was counterproductive or impolite to let him walk in the grocery store next to me or ahead of me.  Definitely wasn't asking about whether it's counterproductive to let him eat french fries while shopping.

[Moray]

Shygirl, it really seems like you're just looking for validation at this point, and I don't know that you're going to find it. Many posters, including quite a few that either have toddlers currently, or who have already raised their children, are telling you that you and your son's shopping behavior is both counterproductive and impolite.

Actually, I asked if I was rude to yell "watch out".  (And I wouldn't really say I'm yelling, but it is with a raised voice.)

I think most people have said it might be rude, or it might not be rude, depending on how I do it.  My original question wasn't about whether it was counterproductive or impolite to let him walk in the grocery store next to me or ahead of me.  Definitely wasn't asking about whether it's counterproductive to let him eat french fries while shopping.

No, I know what you asked. Sometimes a thread drifts. You can't control it.