Author Topic: At the grocery with my 2-year old  (Read 10610 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

DottyG

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 18204
Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #75 on: January 31, 2013, 01:08:14 PM »
But, Shygirl, the two go hand in hand.  You don't need ot yell "watch out" if you've got him either in the cart or holding onto the side of the cart until he's at an age/stage where he's not getting in people's way such that a "watch out!" is needed.  He's not ready to be off on his own right now.  That doesn't mean you have to strap him down, but it does mean, right now, that he cannot be allowed to just roam free without holding onto you or the cart if he's walking.

And, yes, in answer to your direct question, I think it's rude to just yell "watch out!" without your son's name or even apologizing to the person for his getting in their way.  If you got in their way as an adult, you'd apologize.  Why would it not be the same for him?

Millionaire Maria

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3359
  • Truth and Happiness create each other.
Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #76 on: January 31, 2013, 01:08:59 PM »
I think the rude part is letting the kid get in the way of people with carts. What if he doesn't stop and the other person doesn't see him? I know I'd be devestated if I hit a little kid, and I'd be quite angry at the parent who put him in harm's way.

Why is the OP's son more obligated to watch where he is going than other shoppers are? Everyone should be watching out for other people in the grocery store. The OP is doing so on behalf of her son. No one is being rude.
People everywhere enjoy believing in things they know are not true. It spares them the ordeal of thinking for themselves and taking responsibility for what they know. –Brooks Atkinson

WillyNilly

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7490
  • Mmmmm, food
    • The World as I Taste It
Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #77 on: January 31, 2013, 01:10:03 PM »
Shygirl, it really seems like you're just looking for validation at this point, and I don't know that you're going to find it. Many posters, including quite a few that either have toddlers currently, or who have already raised their children, are telling you that you and your son's shopping behavior is both counterproductive and impolite.

Actually, I asked if I was rude to yell "watch out".  (And I wouldn't really say I'm yelling, but it is with a raised voice.)

I think most people have said it might be rude, or it might not be rude, depending on how I do it.  My original question wasn't about whether it was counterproductive or impolite to let him walk in the grocery store next to me or ahead of me.  Definitely wasn't asking about whether it's counterproductive to let him eat french fries while shopping.

I think people's point is though, the "watch out" is not rude if its part of a bigger plan to teach your son to be more mindful and behave appropriately, etc.

If its the only thing you are doing, only saying "watch out" occasionally while otherwise letting him wander/not learn, then it can be  problem.  Because ultimately the goal should be for him to always be watching, not only watching when alerted to a potentially harming situation (harmful to either him or the other person).

So people are commenting on the big picture, not the one detail.

DottyG

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 18204
Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #78 on: January 31, 2013, 01:13:13 PM »
Quote
Everyone should be watching out for other people in the grocery store.

Yes, they should.  I don't think anyone's saying they shouldn't be watching where they're going.  However, a little child is not as easy to see when you have a full cart.  They just aren't.  Even if you're being very careful as to where you're going.  And a parent needs to be aware of that for the child.

This reminds me of something my Mom drilled into me when I started driving.  It doesn't matter who's at fault if you hit someone and kill them*.  The person's still dead.

* Obviously, this directly applies to driving and not to a cart in the store - however, it is possible for the child to get hurt.  And whether it's my fault or the child's fault or the fault of a alien that landed in the store at that moment, a child is hurt.  And that's not good. :(

Emmy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3797
Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #79 on: January 31, 2013, 01:13:37 PM »
I don't have a 2 year old yet, but that can be a tough age.  Kids that age have a lot of determination, but it can be very difficult to reason with them.  Would he understand a delayed reward (such as a cookie after the trip) to train him to behave? 

That being said, I think it is important to make sure he is right by your side or in the cart.  Those carts are big, it is hard to see in front of them, and there are several blind spots at the end of aisle which is a dangerous mix.  DD is 18 months and hates riding in the cart.  I have to admit I feel a little jealous when I see other babies and toddlers riding so nicely in the cart.  DD likes to be carried or wants to walk, but carrying her is hard on my back and she is too small and young to watch out for others.  I've found either getting a racecar cart or putting her in the big section with a few things to play with (even mommy's keys and cell phone) works for us.  I have to put my groceries on the bottom or in the small section on the top, but it is still better than hearing her fuss and say 'up up up' if I strap her in the top facing me.

I like the Stop and Go game.  You could practice it at a less crowded place and when you feel he is ready, go to the store.  Let him know there is a punishment for not listening, either being leached, or going in the cart. 

If he does escape, I don't think a 2 year old understands "watch out" and he may not make the connection.  You should call his name and apologize to the person whose path he blocked.  It seems like an accident waiting to happen if he gets in the way of others several times.  Even kids a lot older tend to not watch where they are going.  I've gotten into several near misses with children much older because it is hard to see somebody who is way below eye level and doesn't follow the flow of traffic.

FOSTER

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 16
Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #80 on: January 31, 2013, 01:16:54 PM »


What would you think if you heard someone yell "Watch out!", kind of in your direction?  Am I rude?

I don't assume people yelling at the store are yelling at me. If they are, I pay no attention to them regardless. I wouldn't overthink this issue, pay attention to your kid, not to the tender feelings of people who are probably not even noticing you're there.

shygirl

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1271
Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #81 on: January 31, 2013, 01:17:44 PM »
Shygirl, it really seems like you're just looking for validation at this point, and I don't know that you're going to find it. Many posters, including quite a few that either have toddlers currently, or who have already raised their children, are telling you that you and your son's shopping behavior is both counterproductive and impolite.

Actually, I asked if I was rude to yell "watch out".  (And I wouldn't really say I'm yelling, but it is with a raised voice.)

I think most people have said it might be rude, or it might not be rude, depending on how I do it.  My original question wasn't about whether it was counterproductive or impolite to let him walk in the grocery store next to me or ahead of me.  Definitely wasn't asking about whether it's counterproductive to let him eat french fries while shopping.

I think people's point is though, the "watch out" is not rude if its part of a bigger plan to teach your son to be more mindful and behave appropriately, etc.

If its the only thing you are doing, only saying "watch out" occasionally while otherwise letting him wander/not learn, then it can be  problem.  Because ultimately the goal should be for him to always be watching, not only watching when alerted to a potentially harming situation (harmful to either him or the other person).

So people are commenting on the big picture, not the one detail.

If he's watching where he is going, he's not getting into other people's paths, so there's no need to tell him to watch out then!  It's only when he sees something interesting, and he stops looking forward, that he needs to be told to watch where he's going.

If I notice that he has stopped looking where he is going, but there's no one in that aisle for him to get in the way of, I do still tell him to watch where he is going.  But there's no one else around to overhead/misunderstand my intention, so I wasn't asking about that.

Emmy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3797
Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #82 on: January 31, 2013, 01:18:04 PM »
I think the rude part is letting the kid get in the way of people with carts. What if he doesn't stop and the other person doesn't see him? I know I'd be devestated if I hit a little kid, and I'd be quite angry at the parent who put him in harm's way.

Why is the OP's son more obligated to watch where he is going than other shoppers are? Everyone should be watching out for other people in the grocery store. The OP is doing so on behalf of her son. No one is being rude.

True.  However, a two year old doesn't look both ways when they dart across aisles, is way below eye level for most people, and doesn't walk in a straight line making them difficult for most people to see.  Add to that carts full of groceries which may totally obstruct the view of a small child.

Millionaire Maria

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3359
  • Truth and Happiness create each other.
Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #83 on: January 31, 2013, 01:18:46 PM »
Quote
Everyone should be watching out for other people in the grocery store.

Yes, they should.  I don't think anyone's saying they shouldn't be watching where they're going.  However, a little child is not as easy to see when you have a full cart.  They just aren't.  Even if you're being very careful as to where you're going.  And a parent needs to be aware of that for the child.

This reminds me of something my Mom drilled into me when I started driving.  It doesn't matter who's at fault if you hit someone and kill them*.  The person's still dead.
* Obviously, this directly applies to driving and not to a cart in the store - however, it is possible for the child to get hurt.  And whether it's my fault or the child's fault or the fault of a alien that landed in the store at that moment, a child is hurt.  And that's not good. :(

To the bolded: Actually, I've seen at least one post where the poster stated that they shouldn't have to be looking out for children when they're concentrating on doing their shopping.

To the italicized: That may be very good advice, but it's not etiquette. It is up to a parent to decide the risks they allow their children to take. Just because something may be risky does not make it rude. If other people want to avoid hurting children by running into them, they need only watch where they are going.
People everywhere enjoy believing in things they know are not true. It spares them the ordeal of thinking for themselves and taking responsibility for what they know. –Brooks Atkinson

CluelessBride

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1647
Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #84 on: January 31, 2013, 01:20:13 PM »
I think the rude part is letting the kid get in the way of people with carts. What if he doesn't stop and the other person doesn't see him? I know I'd be devestated if I hit a little kid, and I'd be quite angry at the parent who put him in harm's way.

Why is the OP's son more obligated to watch where he is going than other shoppers are? Everyone should be watching out for other people in the grocery store. The OP is doing so on behalf of her son. No one is being rude.

Other people should be watching out. But there is a de facto since of order to shopping. Where I am its hang to the right, but I imagine that's regional, probably varying with driving customs. But I used to live in the same region the OP has identified living in - and there was definitely a traffic flow of stay to the right, unless passing there.

Someone wandering across aisles aimlessly is getting in the way, regardless of if they are an adult or a child. Someone headed into the path of a moving cart that is progressing in a straight line is getting in the way, regardless of if they are an adult or a child. In this case, the OP doesn't indicate that the other shoppers are meandering around with their carts. So my assumption is they are following the norm. Plus toddlers are short which means they can easily end up hidden by blind spots created by carts. Which means parents should be extra careful to keep them out of harms way.

The more I think about it, the fact that the OP doesn't apologize speaks volumes to me.

DottyG

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 18204
Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #85 on: January 31, 2013, 01:21:24 PM »
Quote
If he's watching where he is going, he's not getting into other people's paths, so there's no need to tell him to watch out then!

I think you're beginning to get our point. ;)

Right now, he's not at an age or a stage where he's watching where he's going enough to not get into other people's paths.  Therefore, you need to take the lead and make sure he's holding onto the basket.  He may not like that, but he's the child and you're the adult.  You decide how it's going to be - not him.

Millionaire Maria

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3359
  • Truth and Happiness create each other.
Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #86 on: January 31, 2013, 01:23:22 PM »
True.  However, a two year old doesn't look both ways when they dart across aisles, is way below eye level for most people, and doesn't walk in a straight line making them difficult for most people to see.  Add to that carts full of groceries which may totally obstruct the view of a small child.

I don't think that's true at all. I have a 21 month old, so I'm quite familiar with how big a two year old is. They are not difficult to see. The OP's son is not running, moving quickly, or darting across isles. He is moving at a normal pace and if other shoppers fail to see him it is because they are not paying attention.
People everywhere enjoy believing in things they know are not true. It spares them the ordeal of thinking for themselves and taking responsibility for what they know. –Brooks Atkinson

LeveeWoman

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4148
Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #87 on: January 31, 2013, 01:25:01 PM »
I think the rude part is letting the kid get in the way of people with carts. What if he doesn't stop and the other person doesn't see him? I know I'd be devestated if I hit a little kid, and I'd be quite angry at the parent who put him in harm's way.

Why is the OP's son more obligated to watch where he is going than other shoppers are? Everyone should be watching out for other people in the grocery store. The OP is doing so on behalf of her son. No one is being rude.

It's not the son who is obligated to watch out where he's going. Nor is it my job to watch out where he's going. It's his parent's job.

I'm not looking at the floor when I'm shopping. While I'm aware of my surroundings, I generally keep my eyes at my level. And, even if I were to want to keep my eyes on the floor, I'd be prevented from doing that because I keep my purse in the front of the cart where I prop my notebook with my list, and my cart usually is full of things that block the view of the floor in front of me. Should I be required to keep everything out of the line of sight with the floor just in case some little kid comes into my path?

Sheila Take a Bow

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 777
  • Formerly arija but I felt like a name change.
Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #88 on: January 31, 2013, 01:28:04 PM »
Your son is almost three, right?  (Or am I confusing you with another poster who's planning a birthday party for their kid?)

When my daughter was about that age, as we walked into the store I'd remind her of the rules (stay in the cart or stay next to Mommy, use indoor voice, no begging, that sort of thing).  We stopped offering so many bribes, but instead when I was in line on the way out, or getting back into the car, I'd praise my daughter for everything she did well in the store that day.

We also started to let her be a helper, which kept her engaged and entertained.  We'd let her count eggs in the egg carton, or hold onto something while she rode in the cart.  (She loved to hold onto bagged salads because she could hug them and they were so puffy and pillow-like.)

Also, I don't think "watch out" is that helpful, especially at that age when a lot of kids can be really literal.  I think it's better to say, "Son, stop!" It's a clearer and more direct message for your son.  Also, you won't run the risk of other people thinking that you're talking to them.

MrsJWine

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8799
  • I have an excessive fondness for parentheses.
    • Wallydraigle
Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #89 on: January 31, 2013, 01:28:20 PM »
If I plowed over a two year old who had the right of way according to the conventions of public space (people coming out of smaller aisles yield to people coming down main aisles, etc; it's just like driving, almost), I would totally be in the wrong.

But in my experience, that's not how it happens. When I waited tables, I was carrying a tray full of hot coffee down an aisle, and a tiny little girl darted out from behind a blind corner and almost got herself scalded. The lady behind her yelled, "Watch out! I have a little girl here who doesn't like to look where she's going!" She was not joking; she was actually angry at me.

I'm not suggesting that shygirl has this kind of entitlement mindset at all; I don't see any evidence of that in the thread. It's just that people who are used to shopping as adults are much more likely to be the ones who are watching where they are going--moreso than a two year old, at least. It's not that adults aren't expected to watch where they're going; it's that kids will dart out from places whether they have the right of way or not, just because they don't know the rules of traffic. If shygirl's toddler is heeding standard conventions, and people are still running into him, then he's not at fault at all, of course; but I find that unlikely, knowing my own children's ability to maintain awareness.


I have a blog.  I hate that word.


Utah