At the grocery with my 2-year old

[wolfie]

There are always children in the grocery store. It makes no sense to not be just as aware of them as the adults.

Not really - I don't remember the last time I saw a child in the grocery store.

[Perfect Circle]

Small children absolutely are difficult to see and move unpredictably. I do not want to spend my shopping trip watching out for them. I want to do my shopping. I expect parents to keep their children safe.

Whether or not you want to do it is irrelevent. As per etiquette, you are obligated to do it. There are a great many people in this world. A lot of them are short. You don't get to not watch out for them just because they are slightly harder to see. That's part of being a polite member of society.

Actually I think it's far more polite to make sure children aren't at danger in the shop. I am tall. I cannot watch the floor when shopping. I may not see a small child. It is the responsibility of the parent to make sure their child is not in danger.

I would never intentionally run into a child or a short person, of course not, but I make sure my child is always in my control when in a supermarket for her and everyone else's safety. It's my job as her parent.

[LeveeWoman]

Small children absolutely are difficult to see and move unpredictably. I do not want to spend my shopping trip watching out for them. I want to do my shopping. I expect parents to keep their children safe.

Whether or not you want to do it is irrelevent. As per etiquette, you are obligated to do it. There are a great many people in this world. A lot of them are short. You don't get to not watch out for them just because they are slightly harder to see. That's part of being a polite member of society.

Obligated? Obligated to do a parent's job in keeping her child safe? To keep people with mobility problems safe from her toddler?

[Moray]

Small children absolutely are difficult to see and move unpredictably. I do not want to spend my shopping trip watching out for them. I want to do my shopping. I expect parents to keep their children safe.

Whether or not you want to do it is irrelevent. As per etiquette, you are obligated to do it. There are a great many people in this world. A lot of them are short. You don't get to not watch out for them just because they are slightly harder to see. That's part of being a polite member of society.

As per etiquette, you should not let your child wander into the paths of others. Will it happen occasionally? Absolutely, but per etiquette you need to take steps to prevent your child, who you are solely responsible for, from bumping into others. I pay a great deal of attention to where I'm going in the store, but by virtue of actually, you know, shopping, my eyes are frequently going between my list and the shelves.

[QueenfaninCA]

I think you need to present your son with exactly two options: Sit in the shopping cart or walk but always hold on to the shopping cart. And yes, we will not leave the store until we have bought everything we need. He can switch from one to the other, but leaving early is absolutely not an option. Talk to him about this before heading to the store. Agree on a reward if the shopping trip goes well (a special snack, going to the park,...).

I work full time so I always had to take my son shopping. We only went once a week which meant spending 30 to 45 minutes gathering everything. We would go to the coffee place next door afterwards and if he behaved himself he would get a hot chocolate. Worked like a charm. When he would try to climb out of the shopping cart: Me:"You want your hot chocolate?" Son:"Yes" Me:"Then you better stay seated". Only once did he not get his hot chocolate.

[bah12]

Shygirl, it really seems like you're just looking for validation at this point, and I don't know that you're going to find it. Many posters, including quite a few that either have toddlers currently, or who have already raised their children, are telling you that you and your son's shopping behavior is both counterproductive and impolite.

Actually, I asked if I was rude to yell "watch out".  (And I wouldn't really say I'm yelling, but it is with a raised voice.)

I think most people have said it might be rude, or it might not be rude, depending on how I do it.  My original question wasn't about whether it was counterproductive or impolite to let him walk in the grocery store next to me or ahead of me.  Definitely wasn't asking about whether it's counterproductive to let him eat french fries while shopping.

I think people's point is though, the "watch out" is not rude if its part of a bigger plan to teach your son to be more mindful and behave appropriately, etc.

If its the only thing you are doing, only saying "watch out" occasionally while otherwise letting him wander/not learn, then it can be  problem.  Because ultimately the goal should be for him to always be watching, not only watching when alerted to a potentially harming situation (harmful to either him or the other person).

So people are commenting on the big picture, not the one detail.

I think it's unfair to suggest that the OP is not teaching her son to behave appropriately.  I'm sure it could be argued that if she forced him to sit in the cart with a book every time they are out in public, she wouldn't be teaching him how to behave appropriately, because he'd never get the chance to try.

Yes, kids in public can be a hassle and an inconvenience.  It totally sucks when someone else's kid gets in my way.  I don't like it.  But, it's not just kids who don't always pay attention.  And paying attention to kids doesn't guarantee that an accident won't occur.  I was in a grocery store once, turned a corner and ran into another cart coming my way.  It was neither of our faults.  The aisles were small, we couldn't see around the corner, and even trying to be careful, we still had an accident.

Having to watch out for others (of any age/size) is just something that we have to do because we share the world with other people.  The inconvenience of it doesn't make it rude.  Whether or not a parent chooses to let their kid walk and in what circumstances, is a parenting issue, not an etiquette one.

To me, the basic question in this post is "Is it rude to yell 'watch out' when I see a collision about to occur" or more so "Will the person who is not at fault for potential collision be offended because someone yells 'watch out'."  And my thought is...that's a pretty benign thing to get all up in arms about. 

[DottyG]

Will it happen occasionally? Absolutely, but per etiquette you need to take steps to prevent your child, who you are solely responsible for, from bumping into others.

Moray, I agree with you completely.  But, may I add another sentence to your post?

"And, if they do bump into others, you are responsible for apologizing for them."

[Moray]

Will it happen occasionally? Absolutely, but per etiquette you need to take steps to prevent your child, who you are solely responsible for, from bumping into others.

Moray, I agree with you completely.  But, may I add another sentence to your post?

"And, if they do bump into others, you are responsible for apologizing for them."

Absolutely! I'd like to think it goes without saying, but I've been wrong before

[DottyG]

I'd like to think it goes without saying

I would, too!  But, unfortunately, it doesn't always!

[DottyG]

Dandy Andy's Daddy's Love, I do understand what you're getting at.  I do.

But can we at least agree that the child's holding onto the cart is a good idea?  That that might remedy a lot of the problems right now and keep both the child and the other shoppers safe?

[snowdragon]

True.  However, a two year old doesn't look both ways when they dart across aisles, is way below eye level for most people, and doesn't walk in a straight line making them difficult for most people to see.  Add to that carts full of groceries which may totally obstruct the view of a small child.

I don't think that's true at all. I have a 21 month old, so I'm quite familiar with how big a two year old is. They are not difficult to see. The OP's son is not running, moving quickly, or darting across isles. He is moving at a normal pace and if other shoppers fail to see him it is because they are not paying attention.

  I am an adult - I have just graduated to being able to walk a store after months of therapy.  As an adult in a motorized cart, I was often difficult to see in a grocery store.  My head came to the top of the handle bar on the cart - and there were still times that I almost got hit because People , were not able to see me because the display was too big or at the intersection of two aisles and so forth.  Yes, it was absolutely my responsibility to make sure I was being uberwatchful for everyone and everything around me and I don't move unpredictably, change direction on a dime or suddenly stop - those things are notoriously hard to stop.- if the kid is not capable of watching for themselves - then they need to be under the parent's control. 
  Everyone needs to watch out while shopping - that includes adults with or with out kids present and it includes the kids themselves. But if  the kid is too young to watch out for himself it falls to the parent to be that much more vigilant because of it.  Keeping him beside you is the safe and polite thing to do.  I am honestly surprised that the adults in this situation are not glaring at the pair or saying some to the OP along the lines of "you watch out yourselves!" or some such...she must shop with a very tolerant bunch of people
 

[Emmy]

True.  However, a two year old doesn't look both ways when they dart across aisles, is way below eye level for most people, and doesn't walk in a straight line making them difficult for most people to see.  Add to that carts full of groceries which may totally obstruct the view of a small child.

I don't think that's true at all. I have a 21 month old, so I'm quite familiar with how big a two year old is. They are not difficult to see. The OP's son is not running, moving quickly, or darting across isles. He is moving at a normal pace and if other shoppers fail to see him it is because they are not paying attention.

Well when somebody comes up to below your waist, you literally have to look down to see them when they are a few feet in front of you.  Several times, a young child (bigger than a toddler) strayed in my path and I had a near collision because I couldn't see them.  If they happen to be in front of your cart that is full, it would be nearly impossible to see them.  Are you saying you walk around looking at the ground or you look in front of your cart when stopped before moving it each and every time in case a toddler is in your way?

[WillyNilly]

There are always children in the grocery store. It makes no sense to not be just as aware of them as the adults.

Not really - I don't remember the last time I saw a child in the grocery store.

Me either... well no I do see them, just not very small children who are walking.  I see 10+ year olds often and I see small kids in carts often. A wandering toddler is not the norm by any means though in my grocery shopping experiences.

<snip quote tree>

I just don't understand this. Of course it's absurd to think that. But that's not what is happening. The only blind spot on a shopping cart is directly in front of it, so the only way to miss something going into your blind spot is if you are not looking forward. That's not a problem if your cart isn't moving, but in that case, you wouldn't hit the child anyway. If your cart is moving forward, and you aren't watching the front of it, then you are not watching where you are going.

And let's not lose sight of what is actually happening here. There is no toddler running around the store, darting out from the isles, and toppling displays. This is a small child, walking at a normal pace, beside his mother, and occasionally veering off by a few feet.

I don't know how you shop, but I stop my cart several times as I'm walking down the aisles, to you know, shop - take things off the shelves, compare prices, read ingredients & nutrition facts, etc.  So if a small child is wandering - even at a slow pace - and steps in front of my cart, they are directly in my blind spot and likely to get hit by my cart as I move forward because I'm not looking down directly in front of my cart, towards the floor, before I start moving again, only straight forward.

[Tabby Uprising]

True.  However, a two year old doesn't look both ways when they dart across aisles, is way below eye level for most people, and doesn't walk in a straight line making them difficult for most people to see.  Add to that carts full of groceries which may totally obstruct the view of a small child.

I don't think that's true at all. I have a 21 month old, so I'm quite familiar with how big a two year old is. They are not difficult to see. The OP's son is not running, moving quickly, or darting across isles. He is moving at a normal pace and if other shoppers fail to see him it is because they are not paying attention.

  I am an adult - I have just graduated to being able to walk a store after months of therapy.  As an adult in a motorized cart, I was often difficult to see in a grocery store.  My head came to the top of the handle bar on the cart - and there were still times that I almost got hit because People , were not able to see me because the display was too big or at the intersection of two aisles and so forth.  Yes, it was absolutely my responsibility to make sure I was being uberwatchful for everyone and everything around me and I don't move unpredictably, change direction on a dime or suddenly stop - those things are notoriously hard to stop.- if the kid is not capable of watching for themselves - then they need to be under the parent's control. 
  Everyone needs to watch out while shopping - that includes adults with or with out kids present and it includes the kids themselves. But if  the kid is too young to watch out for himself it falls to the parent to be that much more vigilant because of it.  Keeping him beside you is the safe and polite thing to do.  I am honestly surprised that the adults in this situation are not glaring at the pair or saying some to the OP along the lines of "you watch out yourselves!" or some such...she must shop with a very tolerant bunch of people
 

But the OP is telling her son to "watch out" and she will then tell explain to the other shoppers she was talking to her son.  She's not telling other shoppers to "watch out". 

If a parent told her 2 year old to get out of my way while I was in the store, I wouldn't think it necessary to glare and snap "watch out yourselves" on top of that exchange.  No harm was done. 

[mich3554]

I've never experienced this. If that is the case I will concede that what the OP's son is doing could be irritating. I still am not convinced that a person being short makes them more responsible to watch where they are going than other people. There are always children in the grocery store. It makes no sense to not be just as aware of them as the adults.

A free range toddler does not tend to move in patterns.

A few years ago, I was at an amusement park.  There was a toddler running at me, so I moved right so I'd was out of her path.  The child moved into my path.  So I moved again and again the child moved in the same direction I moved in.  Since I could not predict the child's movements, I just stopped and stepped aside, out of her current path.

Said toddler still ran smack into my legs and wound up on her tush, crying.  She ran into me, I was not moving and did not walk into her.  But *I* was at fault according to the parent and was told to "WATCH OUT".  I WAS watching out, and did what I could to avoid a collision. 

Add a shopping cart and a distracted shopper and the OP's child *could* wind up injured.  Carts (especially full ones) do not stop on a dime.