Author Topic: At the grocery with my 2-year old  (Read 10518 times)

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Millionaire Maria

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Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #90 on: January 31, 2013, 01:29:27 PM »
Other people should be watching out. But there is a de facto since of order to shopping. Where I am its hang to the right, but I imagine that's regional, probably varying with driving customs. But I used to live in the same region the OP has identified living in - and there was definitely a traffic flow of stay to the right, unless passing there.

I've never experienced this. If that is the case I will concede that what the OP's son is doing could be irritating. I still am not convinced that a person being short makes them more responsible to watch where they are going than other people. There are always children in the grocery store. It makes no sense to not be just as aware of them as the adults.

The more I think about it, the fact that the OP doesn't apologize speaks volumes to me.

To me, it says that she doesn't think letting her son walk in the grocery store is wrong. I happen to agree with her.
People everywhere enjoy believing in things they know are not true. It spares them the ordeal of thinking for themselves and taking responsibility for what they know. –Brooks Atkinson

Perfect Circle

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Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #91 on: January 31, 2013, 01:30:36 PM »
Small children absolutely are difficult to see and move unpredictably. I do not want to spend my shopping trip watching out for them. I want to do my shopping. I expect parents to keep their children safe.
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Moray

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Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #92 on: January 31, 2013, 01:32:11 PM »
Other people should be watching out. But there is a de facto since of order to shopping. Where I am its hang to the right, but I imagine that's regional, probably varying with driving customs. But I used to live in the same region the OP has identified living in - and there was definitely a traffic flow of stay to the right, unless passing there.

I've never experienced this. If that is the case I will concede that what the OP's son is doing could be irritating. I still am not convinced that a person being short makes them more responsible to watch where they are going than other people. There are always children in the grocery store. It makes no sense to not be just as aware of them as the adults.

The more I think about it, the fact that the OP doesn't apologize speaks volumes to me.

To me, it says that she doesn't think letting her son walk in the grocery store is wrong. I happen to agree with her.

No one is saying that shygirl's toddler should be expected to maintain an adult level of awareness. We're saying that, as a toddler, he can't. Therefore, his parent needs to watch where he's going.
Utah

Millionaire Maria

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Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #93 on: January 31, 2013, 01:33:48 PM »
Small children absolutely are difficult to see and move unpredictably. I do not want to spend my shopping trip watching out for them. I want to do my shopping. I expect parents to keep their children safe.

Whether or not you want to do it is irrelevent. As per etiquette, you are obligated to do it. There are a great many people in this world. A lot of them are short. You don't get to not watch out for them just because they are slightly harder to see. That's part of being a polite member of society.
People everywhere enjoy believing in things they know are not true. It spares them the ordeal of thinking for themselves and taking responsibility for what they know. –Brooks Atkinson

WillyNilly

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Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #94 on: January 31, 2013, 01:35:03 PM »
True.  However, a two year old doesn't look both ways when they dart across aisles, is way below eye level for most people, and doesn't walk in a straight line making them difficult for most people to see.  Add to that carts full of groceries which may totally obstruct the view of a small child.

I don't think that's true at all. I have a 21 month old, so I'm quite familiar with how big a two year old is. They are not difficult to see. The OP's son is not running, moving quickly, or darting across isles. He is moving at a normal pace and if other shoppers fail to see him it is because they are not paying attention.

I pay attention, but mostly to eye level.  A child that is shorter then the cart, which is about 3 feet high, is not easy to see.  They just aren't.  If my cart is full I can't see through it and therefore anything - person or object - that is shorter then the cart and in front of the cart is totally out of my sight line.  Yes I need to pay attention but its absolutely absurd to think I should stand on tip toes to get a better angle at looking over the front of my cart to the floor directly in front of it.

Millionaire Maria

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Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #95 on: January 31, 2013, 01:35:47 PM »
No one is saying that shygirl's toddler should be expected to maintain an adult level of awareness. We're saying that, as a toddler, he can't. Therefore, his parent needs to watch where he's going.

She is watching where he is going. I'm responding to posters who think that her watching where he is going, and verbally redirecting him, is not enough.
People everywhere enjoy believing in things they know are not true. It spares them the ordeal of thinking for themselves and taking responsibility for what they know. –Brooks Atkinson

wolfie

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Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #96 on: January 31, 2013, 01:37:30 PM »
There are always children in the grocery store. It makes no sense to not be just as aware of them as the adults.

Not really - I don't remember the last time I saw a child in the grocery store.

Perfect Circle

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Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #97 on: January 31, 2013, 01:37:59 PM »
Small children absolutely are difficult to see and move unpredictably. I do not want to spend my shopping trip watching out for them. I want to do my shopping. I expect parents to keep their children safe.

Whether or not you want to do it is irrelevent. As per etiquette, you are obligated to do it. There are a great many people in this world. A lot of them are short. You don't get to not watch out for them just because they are slightly harder to see. That's part of being a polite member of society.

Actually I think it's far more polite to make sure children aren't at danger in the shop. I am tall. I cannot watch the floor when shopping. I may not see a small child. It is the responsibility of the parent to make sure their child is not in danger.

I would never intentionally run into a child or a short person, of course not, but I make sure my child is always in my control when in a supermarket for her and everyone else's safety. It's my job as her parent.
Maybe he's caught in the legend
maybe he's caught in the mood
Maybe these maps and legends
Have been misunderstood

The map that you painted didn't seem real
He just sings whatever he's seen
Point to the legend, point to the east
Point to the yellow, red, and green

LeveeWoman

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Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #98 on: January 31, 2013, 01:38:19 PM »
Small children absolutely are difficult to see and move unpredictably. I do not want to spend my shopping trip watching out for them. I want to do my shopping. I expect parents to keep their children safe.

Whether or not you want to do it is irrelevent. As per etiquette, you are obligated to do it. There are a great many people in this world. A lot of them are short. You don't get to not watch out for them just because they are slightly harder to see. That's part of being a polite member of society.

Obligated? Obligated to do a parent's job in keeping her child safe? To keep people with mobility problems safe from her toddler?

Moray

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Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #99 on: January 31, 2013, 01:39:38 PM »
Small children absolutely are difficult to see and move unpredictably. I do not want to spend my shopping trip watching out for them. I want to do my shopping. I expect parents to keep their children safe.

Whether or not you want to do it is irrelevent. As per etiquette, you are obligated to do it. There are a great many people in this world. A lot of them are short. You don't get to not watch out for them just because they are slightly harder to see. That's part of being a polite member of society.

As per etiquette, you should not let your child wander into the paths of others. Will it happen occasionally? Absolutely, but per etiquette you need to take steps to prevent your child, who you are solely responsible for, from bumping into others. I pay a great deal of attention to where I'm going in the store, but by virtue of actually, you know, shopping, my eyes are frequently going between my list and the shelves.
Utah

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Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #100 on: January 31, 2013, 01:39:50 PM »
I think you need to present your son with exactly two options: Sit in the shopping cart or walk but always hold on to the shopping cart. And yes, we will not leave the store until we have bought everything we need. He can switch from one to the other, but leaving early is absolutely not an option. Talk to him about this before heading to the store. Agree on a reward if the shopping trip goes well (a special snack, going to the park,...).

I work full time so I always had to take my son shopping. We only went once a week which meant spending 30 to 45 minutes gathering everything. We would go to the coffee place next door afterwards and if he behaved himself he would get a hot chocolate. Worked like a charm. When he would try to climb out of the shopping cart: Me:"You want your hot chocolate?" Son:"Yes" Me:"Then you better stay seated". Only once did he not get his hot chocolate.

bah12

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Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #101 on: January 31, 2013, 01:40:21 PM »
Shygirl, it really seems like you're just looking for validation at this point, and I don't know that you're going to find it. Many posters, including quite a few that either have toddlers currently, or who have already raised their children, are telling you that you and your son's shopping behavior is both counterproductive and impolite.

Actually, I asked if I was rude to yell "watch out".  (And I wouldn't really say I'm yelling, but it is with a raised voice.)

I think most people have said it might be rude, or it might not be rude, depending on how I do it.  My original question wasn't about whether it was counterproductive or impolite to let him walk in the grocery store next to me or ahead of me.  Definitely wasn't asking about whether it's counterproductive to let him eat french fries while shopping.

I think people's point is though, the "watch out" is not rude if its part of a bigger plan to teach your son to be more mindful and behave appropriately, etc.

If its the only thing you are doing, only saying "watch out" occasionally while otherwise letting him wander/not learn, then it can be  problem.  Because ultimately the goal should be for him to always be watching, not only watching when alerted to a potentially harming situation (harmful to either him or the other person).

So people are commenting on the big picture, not the one detail.

I think it's unfair to suggest that the OP is not teaching her son to behave appropriately.  I'm sure it could be argued that if she forced him to sit in the cart with a book every time they are out in public, she wouldn't be teaching him how to behave appropriately, because he'd never get the chance to try.

Yes, kids in public can be a hassle and an inconvenience.  It totally sucks when someone else's kid gets in my way.  I don't like it.  But, it's not just kids who don't always pay attention.  And paying attention to kids doesn't guarantee that an accident won't occur.  I was in a grocery store once, turned a corner and ran into another cart coming my way.  It was neither of our faults.  The aisles were small, we couldn't see around the corner, and even trying to be careful, we still had an accident.

Having to watch out for others (of any age/size) is just something that we have to do because we share the world with other people.  The inconvenience of it doesn't make it rude.  Whether or not a parent chooses to let their kid walk and in what circumstances, is a parenting issue, not an etiquette one.

To me, the basic question in this post is "Is it rude to yell 'watch out' when I see a collision about to occur" or more so "Will the person who is not at fault for potential collision be offended because someone yells 'watch out'."  And my thought is...that's a pretty benign thing to get all up in arms about. 

DottyG

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Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #102 on: January 31, 2013, 01:41:25 PM »
Quote
Will it happen occasionally? Absolutely, but per etiquette you need to take steps to prevent your child, who you are solely responsible for, from bumping into others.

Moray, I agree with you completely.  But, may I add another sentence to your post?

"And, if they do bump into others, you are responsible for apologizing for them."

Moray

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Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #103 on: January 31, 2013, 01:42:36 PM »
Quote
Will it happen occasionally? Absolutely, but per etiquette you need to take steps to prevent your child, who you are solely responsible for, from bumping into others.

Moray, I agree with you completely.  But, may I add another sentence to your post?

"And, if they do bump into others, you are responsible for apologizing for them."

Absolutely! I'd like to think it goes without saying, but I've been wrong before :)
Utah

DottyG

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Re: At the grocery with my 2-year old
« Reply #104 on: January 31, 2013, 01:43:36 PM »
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I'd like to think it goes without saying

I would, too!  But, unfortunately, it doesn't always!