General Etiquette > Dating

Without an escort....

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White Lotus:
Sprout1, our daughter, is between boyfriends.  She has been invited (with a guest) to a wedding which isn't just a BWW but a HUGE WW, and it is formal, as in men will wear black tie.  She plays a sport with the bride, and other team members are also invited. The teammates she knows are going as of right now are married/partnered and thus have male escorts.  Sprout1 might be able to dig up a friend to escort her, but she does not want to take a "date", and the man will either have to own or rent (she would pay for a rental, but it is a pain, and a lot to ask of a buddy) black tie attire so her list of possibles is very short, and she has already run through most of it.  She wonders if she really needs to find an escort so she won't stick out like a sore thumb, and if she doesn't have an escort she should decline. The HC knows about her recent breakup, and she thinks the "and guest" means they'd prefer she attend with an escort.  Her brothers, cousins and dad live too far away to attend.  A woman friend would also have to have appropriate clothes, which could pose a problem, but her hang-up with that is that this sport is often thought of as being populated exclusively by Lesbians, which is of course not true, though there are certainly Lesbians on the team, and there will likely be some same-sex couples attending.  She doesn't want anybody to think a woman companion is her date/GF and that she is staging a big "coming out" moment -- at her friend's wedding!  So she doesnt want to ask a woman friend either.  I think she is overthinking and should go alone.  Opinions?

Outdoor Girl:
I think she's fine to go alone, in light of her recent break up.  'And Guest' doesn't mean you have to bring a guest; it just means you can.  I go solo to weddings all the time since I don't like to take a date who doesn't know anyone else; I'd rather be on my own.  It isn't a problem for seating plans, really.  Either they squish an extra plate setting in or they spread it out.

Is it far enough out that she could talk to the bride?  I think it would be fine to take a female friend, too, if she knows some of the group.  And just spread the word through the team that she's just a friend.  I took a female friend to a wedding, with the bride's approval.  She's the one who suggested it, in fact.

I don't think it would be a big deal for her to go alone.  I doubt she'd be the only one.

You don't say how old she is, but I am assuming she is an adult. I would say under the circumstances she should go alone.  She will have a lot more fun if she doesn't have to entertain someone she is not actually dating and does not have to answer uncomfortable questions about their relationship (or lack thereof).

It would absoultely, never, ever occur to me that a "and guest" means that they prefer for the person to attend with a guest. Only that they are allowed to bring one if they prefer. I'm of the opinion that if she has a few acquaintences (as in her other teammates) she would be more comfortable attending alone. She has a ready made social group to hang out with and doesn't need to worry about a date being entertained.

I've been watching a ton of "Four Weddings" and what has jumped out at me is that there seems to be a 4 to 1 ratio of women to men on the dance floor. And when I think back to the most recent weddings I've attended, groups of females went out to dance and the occasional man danced too. The only exception was one that had a really good country/western band and an older crowd and there was a lot more partner dancing. But even then, once a line dance started, the dance floor was crowded with females.

So a little off topic... where do the men hide out during wedding receptions?


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