Without an escort....

[White Lotus]

Sprout1, our daughter, is between boyfriends.  She has been invited (with a guest) to a wedding which isn't just a BWW but a HUGE WW, and it is formal, as in men will wear black tie.  She plays a sport with the bride, and other team members are also invited. The teammates she knows are going as of right now are married/partnered and thus have male escorts.  Sprout1 might be able to dig up a friend to escort her, but she does not want to take a "date", and the man will either have to own or rent (she would pay for a rental, but it is a pain, and a lot to ask of a buddy) black tie attire so her list of possibles is very short, and she has already run through most of it.  She wonders if she really needs to find an escort so she won't stick out like a sore thumb, and if she doesn't have an escort she should decline. The HC knows about her recent breakup, and she thinks the "and guest" means they'd prefer she attend with an escort.  Her brothers, cousins and dad live too far away to attend.  A woman friend would also have to have appropriate clothes, which could pose a problem, but her hang-up with that is that this sport is often thought of as being populated exclusively by Lesbians, which is of course not true, though there are certainly Lesbians on the team, and there will likely be some same-sex couples attending.  She doesn't want anybody to think a woman companion is her date/GF and that she is staging a big "coming out" moment -- at her friend's wedding!  So she doesnt want to ask a woman friend either.  I think she is overthinking and should go alone.  Opinions?

[Outdoor Girl]

I think she's fine to go alone, in light of her recent break up.  'And Guest' doesn't mean you have to bring a guest; it just means you can.  I go solo to weddings all the time since I don't like to take a date who doesn't know anyone else; I'd rather be on my own.  It isn't a problem for seating plans, really.  Either they squish an extra plate setting in or they spread it out.

Is it far enough out that she could talk to the bride?  I think it would be fine to take a female friend, too, if she knows some of the group.  And just spread the word through the team that she's just a friend.  I took a female friend to a wedding, with the bride's approval.  She's the one who suggested it, in fact.

[nuit93]

I don't think it would be a big deal for her to go alone.  I doubt she'd be the only one.

[TurtleDove]

You don't say how old she is, but I am assuming she is an adult. I would say under the circumstances she should go alone.  She will have a lot more fun if she doesn't have to entertain someone she is not actually dating and does not have to answer uncomfortable questions about their relationship (or lack thereof).

[Hmmmmm]

It would absoultely, never, ever occur to me that a "and guest" means that they prefer for the person to attend with a guest. Only that they are allowed to bring one if they prefer. I'm of the opinion that if she has a few acquaintences (as in her other teammates) she would be more comfortable attending alone. She has a ready made social group to hang out with and doesn't need to worry about a date being entertained.

I've been watching a ton of "Four Weddings" and what has jumped out at me is that there seems to be a 4 to 1 ratio of women to men on the dance floor. And when I think back to the most recent weddings I've attended, groups of females went out to dance and the occasional man danced too. The only exception was one that had a really good country/western band and an older crowd and there was a lot more partner dancing. But even then, once a line dance started, the dance floor was crowded with females.

So a little off topic... where do the men hide out during wedding receptions?

[White Lotus]

Thanks.  I will pass this on.  And, Hmmmmmm, I'll ask her to keep an eye out!
I also like the idea of her taking a woman friend her teammates know.  Because the stereotype is widespread and the (mixed) team members find it funny, they are the ones who would joke about it, and there will be booze flowing.  But a woman they already know would probably change that dynamic.
Fast and good.  Thanks.

[whiterose]

 What's wrong with going to a wedding alone? Please explain why you "need" an escort.

[Sharnita]

Being SIngle is an acceptable state.  Referring to somebody as "between boyfriends" or "between girlfriends" kind of strikes me as implying that they are just marking time until they get into another romantic relationship.  The in depth pondering of what to do about a guest kind of underscores that.  There is nothing wrog with going alone.  I honestly wouldn't bring a teammate who  wasn't already invited because the HC had the chance  and didn't. The teammates who already were invited will be there to socialize with.

[LifeOnPluto]

I echo the notion that she should attend alone. What's the HC doing to do - turn her away from the door because she is "unescorted"?

And if anyone is rude enough to ask her where her escort is, she's perfectly ok with replying "I don't need one", or "I prefer to attend solo".

[Deetee]

Like everyone else, I think the "and Guest" means that she can bring a guest if she wishes, not that they would prefer her to bring one.

I also think she is free to being any guest that she prefers: No-one, a girlfriend, a family member etc...

Me? Unless, I had a friend that was really good in these situations, I would attend alone, especially if I had friends there, as I would rather enjoy the company of my friends than worry about my escort.

[Seiryuu]

Whoa, I was thinking of a totally different escort...

It's totally fine if she goes out by herself. Is the invitation she received a generic one (that is, essentially the same wording as others only with the name changed)? I would think that appending "and guest" is just telling the invitee that they may bring a guest, not that they are expected to.

[Yvaine]

I would think that appending "and guest" is just telling the invitee that they may bring a guest, not that they are expected to.

Yes, this. They're just leaving it open-ended in case she does want to bring someone, because if she's between boyfriends they don't know who she'd bring as a date if she did bring one. It doesn't mean they'll have any issue whatsoever with her going stag. Tell her she can RSVP for one without guilt!

[mmswm]

If it's a Huge White Wedding, I would assume the invites went out before the break up, so the HC was making sure the boyfriend was invited, not dictating that she had to bring a guest.  If she's already RSVP'd for two, then the polite thing to do would be to inform the HC that she will be attending alone, but it sounds like they're close enough friends that they might already be thinking along those lines anyway.  I think she's find to attend alone.  She'll probably have more fun if she's not trying to entertain a guest she's dragged along to be a "slot filler".

[WillyNilly]

The HC knows about her recent breakup, and she thinks the "and guest" means they'd prefer she attend with an escort.

What culture do you live in?  Because that is such a bizarre out there thought process I'm having trouble coming with a polite response.

The HC probably were just A) giving all single folks an "and guest" option and B) especially not wanting to rub in the recent break-up by essentially highlighting "hey your single now!"

In normal US culture, your daughter is fine, absolutely unconditionally, perfectly fine attending without an "escort".

[Texas Mom]

She's fine attending alone & might have more fun than taking someone she doesn't know well, since she's going to be in the company of friends.