Author Topic: Without an escort....  (Read 7915 times)

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Twik

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Re: Without an escort....
« Reply #15 on: February 01, 2013, 09:37:51 AM »
White Lotus, what is the reason you think they would "prefer she has an escort"? Are they rigidly wedded to the Victorian convention of seating Man - Woman - Man - Woman, and having someone attend without a partner would throw off the pattern? Because otherwise, I can't see why they'd be happier if she drags along a stranger to them rather than simply attend herself.
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lowspark

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Re: Without an escort....
« Reply #16 on: February 01, 2013, 10:31:37 AM »
I think she is overthinking and should go alone.  Opinions?

I think she is way overthinking.
Most likely the bride put "and guest" on all invitations to single people as a courtesy to those guests who may want to bring an escort. That's pretty common. It certainly doesn't mean the guest cannot come unescorted.

My husband and I recently got invited to a destination wedding. Unfortunately, he couldn't make the trip, but I could so I went. Alone. No one batted an eye. So even if your daughter had a boyfriend, it wouldn't be that big a deal to attend without him if for some reason he couldn't go.

And I also agree with PP who said she'll probably have a much better time attending alone than bringing along someone who doesn't even know the B&G or anyone else at the wedding.

Lynn2000

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Re: Without an escort....
« Reply #17 on: February 01, 2013, 10:47:22 AM »
I think she is overthinking and should go alone.

I agree.
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jmarvellous

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Re: Without an escort....
« Reply #18 on: February 01, 2013, 10:54:59 AM »
Hope it's not piling on at this point to say she's overthinking it. But boy, I'd hate for any of my guests who see "& guest" to feel obligated.

Just speaking for myself, I'd strongly prefer that my guests without serious significant others attend without a date/escort. (Then again, they also all know other guests as well as or better than we do, so it isn't a case of them being completely isolated, which I think is a fine reason to feel more comfortable with a +1.)

Tea Drinker

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Re: Without an escort....
« Reply #19 on: February 01, 2013, 11:46:17 AM »
Somewhere, Miss Manners points out that if a person isn't currently dating but would like to be, going alone gives them the chance to meet other single people, one of whom they might like better than any of their current acquaintances.

It's generous of the hosts to offer "and guest," and makes sense to accept if you're seeing someone seriously or if you are anxious and want the emotional support, but that sort of "and guest" is an offer, not a demand. Even if you specifically send an invitation "Ms. Tea Drinker and Mr. Coffee Drinker, ourstreet, Big City," we can both accept, both decline, or either one of us accept while the other declines.
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Winterlight

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Re: Without an escort....
« Reply #20 on: February 01, 2013, 11:58:36 AM »
"and guest" is an option, not a requirement.
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Twik

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Re: Without an escort....
« Reply #21 on: February 01, 2013, 12:09:58 PM »
Somewhere, Miss Manners points out that if a person isn't currently dating but would like to be, going alone gives them the chance to meet other single people, one of whom they might like better than any of their current acquaintances.

That might be the reason why Sprout1 is reluctant to go alone. If some of the women at the event are the "single women are out to steal my man" types, they might prefer she come with a date of some sort. However, I don't think one would be obligated to support such foolishness.
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bah12

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Re: Without an escort....
« Reply #22 on: February 01, 2013, 12:10:24 PM »
"and guest" is an option, not a requirement.

Exactly.  Not only do I think that she isn't required to bring a date, but I'd encourage her to go without  one...especially if she isn't interested in a "date".  I have never played into the "I'm the only single one and everyone will notice/think something awful of me/feel sorry for me" thing.  She's single.  She can be proud of that.  Go to the wedding, have a great time with her friends, and who knows...maybe she'll meet someone there.  But if not, no bid deal.

nrb80

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Re: Without an escort....
« Reply #23 on: February 01, 2013, 12:11:45 PM »
Sprout1, our daughter, is between boyfriends.  She has been invited (with a guest) to a wedding which isn't just a BWW but a HUGE WW, and it is formal, as in men will wear black tie.  She plays a sport with the bride, and other team members are also invited. The teammates she knows are going as of right now are married/partnered and thus have male escorts.  Sprout1 might be able to dig up a friend to escort her, but she does not want to take a "date", and the man will either have to own or rent (she would pay for a rental, but it is a pain, and a lot to ask of a buddy) black tie attire so her list of possibles is very short, and she has already run through most of it.  She wonders if she really needs to find an escort so she won't stick out like a sore thumb, and if she doesn't have an escort she should decline. The HC knows about her recent breakup, and she thinks the "and guest" means they'd prefer she attend with an escort.  Her brothers, cousins and dad live too far away to attend.  A woman friend would also have to have appropriate clothes, which could pose a problem, but her hang-up with that is that this sport is often thought of as being populated exclusively by Lesbians, which is of course not true, though there are certainly Lesbians on the team, and there will likely be some same-sex couples attending.  She doesn't want anybody to think a woman companion is her date/GF and that she is staging a big "coming out" moment -- at her friend's wedding!  So she doesnt want to ask a woman friend either.  I think she is overthinking and should go alone.  Opinions?

She's overthinking and should go alone.

Unless she has a crush who happens to have his own tux at the ready (lots of men do...) and it becomes a way to get a low pressure date....

ilrag

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Re: Without an escort....
« Reply #24 on: February 01, 2013, 12:52:57 PM »
  A woman friend would also have to have appropriate clothes, which could pose a problem, but her hang-up with that is that this sport is often thought of as being populated exclusively by Lesbians, which is of course not true, though there are certainly Lesbians on the team, and there will likely be some same-sex couples attending.  She doesn't want anybody to think a woman companion is her date/GF and that she is staging a big "coming out" moment -- at her friend's wedding!  So she doesnt want to ask a woman friend either.

Let me just say as some one who's played "lesbian" sports my entire life your daughter needs to get over that hang up right away. You can't stop what people think about you and there's really no reason to care unless that person is some one you want to date.

If I was in that situation (like the time a girl I played ice hockey with in college asked me to be in her wedding and offered me a plus one invite) I would go alone, knowing that I'd have a bunch of friends there anyway, or ask a friend of either gender that I would have a good time with.

audrey1962

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Re: Without an escort....
« Reply #25 on: February 01, 2013, 01:02:38 PM »
Another vote for going alone.

NestHolder

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Re: Without an escort....
« Reply #26 on: February 01, 2013, 01:18:27 PM »
So a little off topic... where do the men hide out during wedding receptions?

At the bar.

White Lotus

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Re: Without an escort....
« Reply #27 on: February 01, 2013, 02:40:25 PM »
She is over thinking it and I do think she should go alone.  It is a different culture than she is used to, and I think she is unsure of expectations or how to navigate solo in a huge crowd.  I didn't mean anything by "between boyfriends" except that she isn't dating anybody right now.  Thanks for the input, which I will pass on.

cicero

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Re: Without an escort....
« Reply #28 on: February 01, 2013, 03:26:07 PM »
chiming in a little late but she should definately go.

If i would wait till i had an escort, i would never go to anything.

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magicdomino

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Re: Without an escort....
« Reply #29 on: February 01, 2013, 05:35:03 PM »
If going without an escort is wrong, then I've been wrong for almost every wedding that I've ever attended.  Much better to go alone than to scare up a space-filler.