How wrong was I?

[CakeBeret]

In my experience visitations are much more casual than the funeral. Jeans would not be out of place in my circle, and it's expected that people show up in whatever they wore to work/school that day. So I don't see a problem there.

I also don't see a problem with a close friend gently expressing concern, honestly. I would not fault a friend mentioning what is, to her, a social gaffe; even if I disagree with her.

[magician5]

If you owed anyone an apology (I say IF you did) it would be owed to the departed friend's spouse or immediate family, and no one else. And it would be enough to say "I'm sorry I came dressed like this, but I really didn't have the opportunity to change."

It's a bit like a lawsuit the court refuses to hear: nobody else has standing to be offended.

[cheyne]

Jeans, a nice jacket and shoes?  Sounds perfectly fine to me.  I attended several visitations at a previous place of employment.  I lived 15 miles out of town so I would wear my work clothes into the funeral home.  No one ever said a word to me or even looked askance at my attire.  Of course most of the deceased's co-workers were there wearing their work clothes.

I have seen many people wear jeans to wakes and funerals.  The one who took the cake was the guy who wore bib overalls and work boots that still had cow carp on them.  No one would have cared about the bibs, but the boots were a bit odoriferous.

ETA:  The co-workers were not deceased, sigh.

[LifeOnPluto]

I think the key word here is "distracting".

I would find things like pyjamas and smelly boots distracting, so on that basis, I think it would be rude to wear them to a viewing.

However, a smart pair of jeans I wouldn't find distracting at all.

[Bast]

You weren't out of line at all.

A close relative of mine died.  The vast majority of people wore nice clothes to the funeral (no visitation was held).  A few people wore their everyday clothing.  Frankly, I didn't care what they wore; it was nice that they made the time to show up when they really didn't have to.

[Gyburc]

OP, I would say that you committed a very minor social error, which you realized yourself.  Now you know that if you have to go to another viewing, it's better not to wear jeans. That being said, though, I suspect that the family won't have thought twice about it.

For what it's worth, my MIL and FIL arrived for my mother's funeral slightly late and wearing everyday clothes. I didn't mind in the least, because I knew they had driven four straight hours to get there, and were going to drive four hours back again that evening. It was just so good to see them there.

[LibraryLady]

As everyone else has stated, it is a "know your audience" sort of situation.  Here in West Texas, you will get everything from formal Western suits with hats and ties to jeans/boots/shirts to Sunday Best to Capri pants and t-shirts in the winter and scrubs worn - especially if the person was under hospice care.

When we attend my uncle's funeral in Baltimore/Catonsville, we were all dressed in Sunday Best, and no one had jeans on; even at the funeral luncheon at
relatives homes - only khakis and button-down shirts.  This side of the family is the 'formal' side