How long after moving out can you ask for items back?

[Perfect Circle]

I would dig them out of my attic just for the space aspect. If she could come and pick them up I would absolutely give them to her. If you are going to see her anyway and you have the space again I would just give them to her.

Honestly at this point we do not even know what baby stuff is in the attic and it is hard to check because it is blocked by a stack of other things and we also have primary custody of their son and he makes any task(especially one involving a ladder into a location he hasn't seen before) more difficult.

I don't quite understand this as an issue. There's two of you - surely one of you could entertain the child while the other one got the things out of the attic.

Unless you are planning to use the things yourself in the future I don't see any reason not to return them to her.

[Sharnita]

What does DH want to do? 

[Jocelyn]

I think it would be fine to tell her that, as you ready for your move, you'll keep an eye out for the items, and when/if you find them, you'll let her know when she can pick them up before you move.
I can see her expecting that you will either deliver them to her house, or that you will move them to your new home so she can get them at a convenient time...say, in another couple of years. Neither one should be an option. If these things are important enough to her that you should make a special effort to find them when it's NOT convenient for you, then she should be expected to inconvenience herself a little to come get them when you DO find them.

I moved into my current house in late July, but I actually rented the house in mid-June. It was vacant at that time. After I'd been here a couple of months, a guy knocked on the door and said that he was the previous tenant (he gave the name of the previous tenant, which I knew because of misdelivered mail) and that his girlfriend wanted back the pots and pans she'd left behind when they moved out. Four months earlier. I told him that there was nothing in the cabinets when I'd rented the house. He muttered about the landlord stealing their stuff. Seriously. He also asked about assorted stuff he'd left in the garage, including a workbench he'd built from scrap lumber. I told him that the other items were not in the garage when I rented the house, and that I was using the workbench as storage shelving. (I only admitted it was still there because it's visible from a window). I wanted to say, 'Sir, you should have taken it with you when you left. At the very least, you could have carried it out of the garage and left it in the driveway, so you could come back and get it at your convenience during the weeks prior to my moving in.' (we had a horrible drought last summer, there was very little risk that it could have been damaged due to rain during that time) There was no way I was going to go out to the garage and move all my stuff so he could get to it...especially since I could see he didn't have a suitable vehicle for removing it! I suppose he expected me to make an appointment so he could come get it...whenever. I was not about to have it standing in the driveway for me to drive around...

[LeveeWoman]

What does DH want to do?

'Zactly. His ex-wife. His baby's things.

[Shoo]

I would dig them out of my attic just for the space aspect. If she could come and pick them up I would absolutely give them to her. If you are going to see her anyway and you have the space again I would just give them to her.

Honestly at this point we do not even know what baby stuff is in the attic and it is hard to check because it is blocked by a stack of other things and we also have primary custody of their son and he makes any task(especially one involving a ladder into a location he hasn't seen before) more difficult.

I don't quite understand this as an issue. There's two of you - surely one of you could entertain the child while the other one got the things out of the attic.

Unless you are planning to use the things yourself in the future I don't see any reason not to return them to her.

I agree.  This sounds like a pretty weak excuse to me.

If you don't want the woman to have her child's things, then just tell her no.  But I can't imagine why you wouldn't just give them to her. You don't mention why the child lives with his father and you, but unless the mother abandoned him at birth, she was around to receive these things as gifts or purchase them with her husband for the child, which makes me think she has just as much right to them as your husband does.  I wouldn't go to any extra trouble, other than getting them out of the attic, though.  I certainly wouldn't mail them to her.  If she's willing to come and get them, I think you should give them to her.

[LadyR]

I would think it odd that you would want the clothing that she and her husband used for their child?  Let's face it, the mother has more sentimentality than the father in most cases.   Since you are moving soon, I thikn it would be nice to sort through them at that time, but you don't have to go to any big effort until then.

Why is this so odd? Considering that the OP and her husband have primary custody of the child in question, it's probably less "things my husband's ex used for her child" and more "things my husband and I used for his son, who we have primary custody of".

I understand why the child's mother wants them too. I don't think either one is particularly 'odd'.

Yes, that makes sense.  Personally, if I were in the situation and I was to have another child of my own, I wouldn't want to use the clothes from the first child.  I would want to have fun choose clothes, allowing family to buy them b/c it is fun for them etc. 

I think the clothes were a serpeate issue, the OP says the mother wanted the stuff teh son was outgrowing to pass onto her nephews, even though it was stuff the OP had picked out.

In this case with the baby items, I feel like she has some claim to them as they belonged to her son, but I can't understand the annoyance/inconvience. I also agree with the PP who mentioned expiry dates. Cribs have changed regulations in the last couple years, car seats expire after 5-6 years, etc.

[mich3554]

If you are trying to clear items out of the house so you can sell it, why not give her the items she wants?

I wouldn't mail them to her, but there is no reason why she can't pick them up (or have someone else pick them up) herself.

Other than the items may be a pain to get to (and like others have said, the child seeing a ladder really is no excuse), it seems like this is a win-win situation for you. 

[JenJay]

I would tell her she could come over and look in the attic, see what was still useable and take what she could use. I would not dig it out for her or haul it to her. That is, unless your DH is looking forward to using the items for your future child(ren), in which case he should tell her no.

[lynnetteleigh]

Just to clarify a few things.

We are fairly sure there are no baby clothes in the attic(think she gave them away years ago). If she wanted those I wouldn't mind. I don't really want to be dressing any future children in clothes she picked out for her son. However she didn't really ask for clothes. She asked for us to pretty much go find any baby related item and bring it to her within a week. Also regarding expired items I'm pretty sure she gave the carseats away. We tossed the crib soon as stepson grew out of it.

 I know I had some weak excuses around going into the attic. However it is a 2 person job to get anything out of there and it's winter and freezing up there. We just really don't want to go in there and weren't planning on it anytime in the near future. Having the extra storage up there isn't really an issue either as it's no where near full. DH also really doesn't want to give her these because in his mind it's like giving her money and he did want to reuse some of these items.

Also we would have to pack any of these items up and take them with us when we were picking up/dropping off their son. Plus the phrasing of it wasn't "Could you please look for these items when you get a chance". It was more "I want you to check the attic within the next week for these items."

[Perfect Circle]

I think she's unreasonable with her week timeline but I don't think she's unreasonable in asking for those items. Just bite the bullet and get them to her at your convenience. I mean what else will you do with them and why antagonise her over some baby items? As there is a child involved I assume she is going to be in your lives for a long time yet and something like this really does not seem worth it to jeopardise that relationship.

[Amara]

Is your husband willing to go through the attic with her while you are out somewhere with your children? That way, they could decide who takes or keeps what. I know the attic would be cold, but if this is something that could be done in less than an hour it would make your eventual clean-out (required for the sale) easier.

[JenJay]

Just to clarify a few things.

We are fairly sure there are no baby clothes in the attic(think she gave them away years ago). If she wanted those I wouldn't mind. I don't really want to be dressing any future children in clothes she picked out for her son. However she didn't really ask for clothes. She asked for us to pretty much go find any baby related item and bring it to her within a week. Also regarding expired items I'm pretty sure she gave the carseats away. We tossed the crib soon as stepson grew out of it.

 I know I had some weak excuses around going into the attic. However it is a 2 person job to get anything out of there and it's winter and freezing up there. We just really don't want to go in there and weren't planning on it anytime in the near future. Having the extra storage up there isn't really an issue either as it's no where near full. DH also really doesn't want to give her these because in his mind it's like giving her money and he did want to reuse some of these items.

Also we would have to pack any of these items up and take them with us when we were picking up/dropping off their son. Plus the phrasing of it wasn't "Could you please look for these items when you get a chance". It was more "I want you to check the attic within the next week for these items."

Your husband should just tell her no. I'd say "I don't have anything to give you. There are only a couple of Son'sName's things in the attic and I'm planning to use them. Everything else was tossed or donated a long time ago." Actually, he should leave it at "I don't have anything to give you." The rest of it is none of her business. 

[GrammarNerd]

"Oh, it's quite a production to get the stuff out of the attic, and we just didn't have time this week.  Why don't you let me know specifically what you're interested in and we'll see.  We'll eventually want some of those things too, so we'll figure out a way to split them up."

I suppose that unless it was specified in the divorce, they might be technically yours.  But it would be nice to give her a token few things that you don't care about, and then she can't say that you didn't give her anything; you can say that you split them.  But don't jump through hoops to do it.  Make her tell you what she wants, specifically, and then get it out of the attic on your own schedule, whatever that may be.  And then make her pick it up.  You're not a furniture store with on-demand delivery.

[WillyNilly]

When I lived in a house with an attic, we never opened it up in the winter.  It would have taken a big emergency to do so, as it would have resulted in quite a bit of heat loss.  The roof wasn't insulted, rather the attic floor was, so opening the trap door and moving the insulation would have meant tons of expensive heat would go up and out freezing the whole home.  And it would be so cold up there, one would have to wear their coat, hat & gloves no different then being outside or in a shed.  The ladder would also block off 2 rooms and a closet rendering them useless as long as the ladder was down. The trap door could not be closed while the ladder was down, and it would not be safe to pull the ladder up while someone was up there (they would be trapped).

If your set up is even remotely like that, I see no reasonable argument for you going up and searching through random boxes and crates looking for the vague instruction of "any baby stuff".  If she asked for something specifically, like a particular piece of furniture or specific toys, maybe she'd have a reasonable request, but even then unless there was something pressing in regard to timeline, it wouldn't be happening in the winter!

[Sharnita]

But were any of the baby related items gifts they got or purchases they made when they were still together? Might some of them have been gifts specifically from "her side"? Denying her a baby item her aunt might have given her because it would be like giving her money strikes me as petty. Even if it was a purchase they made together, it would be their mobey, not his money. Obviously their are a lot of background details that might make a big difference, this is just a bit confusing to me.