I had a previous post titled "help in dealing with sister", and now I have an update and some additional advice is requested. Thanks to all who responded in the previous thread, it helped a great deal .
After I sent her that last email where I attempted to explain myself she wrote back. She basically said the same things she said before, not in so many words, but made the comment that it's been hard for EVERYONE to respect the decisions and 'mistakes that you and DH made". Then she said . 'not just one decision , but a series of decisions".
In my last email I brought up my older brother and sister in a very minor way as an example, saying nothing negative about that. She told me that I , "Clearly do not know these people anymore. Older brother (who was formally on the family 'black list') is now great and he has raised a , ' wonderful, self sufficient , successful daughter with her head on good and straight and he is raising a lovely young man." Which reads to me that she is saying , Brother has done a much better job than you, HIS DD is perfect!". It should be noted that this DD we are talking about (mine and my sister's niece) was previously on the 'black list ' as well and now all of a sudden they are cleared and perfect. She went on to say that our other sister has hardly any flaws at all and is constantly working on bettering herself.
THEN she decided to ask me , "Why did DH apologize to your DD if you guys think you didn't raise her wrong? I am confused? Are you saying you did or didn't do right by DD?" For one, she has absolutely no idea what DH (or I ) apologized to DD for. She has no business asking me these personal questions after I told her one email previously that I would NOT discuss how I raised DD with her.
She also said some other minor things , such as referring to her and everyone else in the family as the people in " DD's circle" .
I sent her this email back , " I feel I owe it to you to let you know that this discussion is now over for me. It is sad, but it is clear to me that we will not be able to repair our relationship. I think it is best that we stop trying. I wish you nothing but the best , (her name) ."
She responded back , " I am disappointed to hear that . Why did you decided to stop trying? You hurt me why are you shutting me out because I hurt you?I don't think you should close the door on me just yet. I tried to be respectful. I think you are ending this discussion because it isn't easy for you. "
I did not respond back. Comments? Advice? Suggestions?