Author Topic: "Hanging out" in Public.  (Read 7208 times)

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onyonryngs

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Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
« Reply #45 on: February 04, 2013, 05:46:12 PM »
What Moray said.  It was no big deal in the sense that it was an accident; the kind of thing that could happen to anyone.  There is no need to assume evil intent on his part - in fact, I think it's pretty rude to jump to a conclusion that he's some sort of pervert based on this accident.  Still, in our society, we cover our genitals in public, so in order to save embarassment for him and onlookers, the decent thing to do to bring it to his attention so he can make adjustments.  No. Big. Deal.

This sort of thing really can happen to anyone.  Back in the 1990's, we used to wear romper dresses -- short sundresses with very full shorts instead of skirts.  I was at a party in an outdoor bar and one of my romper legs got flipped up in the back.  I was wearing thong underwear, so one of my buttcheeks was fully exposed.  Another partygoer whispered to me, "Hey, flip your dress down -- your @&& is hanging out."  I was glad that someone brought it to my attention so I could fix the problem before I flashed the entire room.

This.  I've accidentally flashed people before.  I can assure you that there was no intent involved.  I worry when people start to jump to the worst possible conclusion.   It just seems somewhat paranoid to jump to the "he must be a pervert" rather than "dude, you're having a clothing malfunction."

bansidhe

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Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
« Reply #46 on: February 05, 2013, 07:01:51 PM »
I have had swimsuit malfunctions before (ten years on a team; the wrong suit and an enthusiastic start off the blocks can do that to you), and I am so glad no one else ever deal with it by going and telling someone else. That would make an embarrassing situation about ten times worse. There's no need to spread the word; just quietly tell the person, avoid eye contact, and walk away.

But how do you know that no one ever did that? If someone asked me to tell another woman about a clothing malfunction, I'm not going to march up to her and say, "That guy over there wanted me to tell you that your nipple is showing."  Though that would make for a good sitcom scenario, now that I think about it...

If I suffered a clothing malfunction, I would be a lot less embarrassed hearing about it from another woman, personally - even if I somehow did find out that a man had asked her to tell me. Everyone's mileage varies in this regard, however.
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Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
« Reply #47 on: February 05, 2013, 08:33:50 PM »
I have had swimsuit malfunctions before (ten years on a team; the wrong suit and an enthusiastic start off the blocks can do that to you), and I am so glad no one else ever deal with it by going and telling someone else. That would make an embarrassing situation about ten times worse. There's no need to spread the word; just quietly tell the person, avoid eye contact, and walk away.

But how do you know that no one ever did that? If someone asked me to tell another woman about a clothing malfunction, I'm not going to march up to her and say, "That guy over there wanted me to tell you that your nipple is showing."  Though that would make for a good sitcom scenario, now that I think about it...

If I suffered a clothing malfunction, I would be a lot less embarrassed hearing about it from another woman, personally - even if I somehow did find out that a man had asked her to tell me. Everyone's mileage varies in this regard, however.

Not to make this a lose-lose situation, but I'd be a bit deer-in-the-headlights if I'm at a pool minding my own business and suddenly a strange guy is asking me, "Hey, can you go tell that lady over there her nipple is showing?".  Ummm... what? 


johelenc1

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Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
« Reply #48 on: February 05, 2013, 11:08:49 PM »
I've seen this happen to a girl's swim top.  It happens pretty easily.  I'm trying to imagine how this happens to a guy...

squeakers

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Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
« Reply #49 on: February 06, 2013, 12:03:17 AM »
I've seen this happen to a girl's swim top.  It happens pretty easily.  I'm trying to imagine how this happens to a guy...

Baggy swim shorts and jumping in the pool causes the material to balloon and lift.  Tight trunks the same thing happens and since guys dress to one side.. the wedgie can expose certain parts. Cold water, cold air.. makes it hard to notice something is out for viewing.

(Baggy shorts fall back down and you won't see anything.. usually.  Tight swim trunks.. hello.)

(Hot tubs and two piece fat lady swimsuits has me "burping" my suit the whole time.)
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Gyburc

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Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
« Reply #50 on: February 06, 2013, 06:38:15 AM »
DH and I went on a camping holiday with his sister and her BF once, many years ago. BF wore baggy shorts and baggy trunks underneath, and kept on having... ahem... unscheduled appearances whenever he sat down on the grass. He was pretty much clueless, until Sis took him aside and persuaded him to change his underwear. It can definitely happen without the gentleman in question noticing.

I think that generally a quick and very quiet word with the man in question is best.
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Emmy

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Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
« Reply #51 on: February 06, 2013, 08:01:59 AM »
What Moray said. It was no big deal in the sense that it was an accident; the kind of thing that could happen to anyone.  There is no need to assume evil intent on his part - in fact, I think it's pretty rude to jump to a conclusion that he's some sort of pervert based on this accident.  Still, in our society, we cover our genitals in public, so in order to save embarassment for him and onlookers, the decent thing to do to bring it to his attention so he can make adjustments.  No. Big. Deal.

This sort of thing really can happen to anyone.  Back in the 1990's, we used to wear romper dresses -- short sundresses with very full shorts instead of skirts.  I was at a party in an outdoor bar and one of my romper legs got flipped up in the back.  I was wearing thong underwear, so one of my buttcheeks was fully exposed.  Another partygoer whispered to me, "Hey, flip your dress down -- your @&& is hanging out."  I was glad that someone brought it to my attention so I could fix the problem before I flashed the entire room.

I agree and think the conclusion that he is a pervert who is doing this deliberately is unfair.  If a woman had her breast exposed in a similar situation, I think most people would assume it was an accident rather than she is a pervert who is deliberately flashing people. 

Most people would be embarrassed no matter how it is handled, but it would be much less embarrassing to have it handled quickly and discreetly.  I like the idea of quietly telling the man to adjust his swimsuit without making eye contact.  Some of the other comments were funny to read, but not a good idea to say in a real life situation.

Miss Unleaded

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Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
« Reply #52 on: February 06, 2013, 08:54:31 AM »
I agree and think the conclusion that he is a pervert who is doing this deliberately is unfair.  If a woman had her breast exposed in a similar situation, I think most people would assume it was an accident rather than she is a pervert who is deliberately flashing people. 

Most people would be embarrassed no matter how it is handled, but it would be much less embarrassing to have it handled quickly and discreetly.  I like the idea of quietly telling the man to adjust his swimsuit without making eye contact.  Some of the other comments were funny to read, but not a good idea to say in a real life situation.

I don't think anyone did conclude that a man with a wardrobe malfunction is always a pervert.  Here is one of the first comments addressing the possibility:

Quote
You assume it's unintentional - there are guys who get off on flashing strangers, especially women.  I won't hazard a guess about what percentage of indecent exposure is intentional and how much is accidental, but I'm guessing the chances are decently even.  Since I have absolutely no interest in actually approaching a guy who is getting his rocks off by including me in his fantasies without my approval, I would either ignore it or tell an appropriate authority (if it looks like the guy will be around that area for a while and I can't just leave).

It happened to me once that I was on a train, and a man sat across from me wearing baggy shorts and no underwear.  He sat with his legs spread wide apart and one of his legs raised in the air at an unnatural angle so that he was pretty much fully exposed.  He also had his hat pulled down so that I could not see his face clearly. 

Maybe if it was clearly a genuine accident and/or I knew the person I'd say something.  But otherwise not.  It's not because a penis is a big deal, but more because I don't want to escalate an unpleasant situation or be used by someone getting his jollies from my reaction.

Melde

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Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
« Reply #53 on: February 06, 2013, 02:30:31 PM »
I would just like to say, that as LIfeguards, we are in fact trained on how to deal with things exactly like this, so just tell the guard. Innocent or not, they will deal with it appropriately.

Slartibartfast

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Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
« Reply #54 on: February 06, 2013, 05:04:33 PM »
I agree and think the conclusion that he is a pervert who is doing this deliberately is unfair.  If a woman had her breast exposed in a similar situation, I think most people would assume it was an accident rather than she is a pervert who is deliberately flashing people. 

Most people would be embarrassed no matter how it is handled, but it would be much less embarrassing to have it handled quickly and discreetly.  I like the idea of quietly telling the man to adjust his swimsuit without making eye contact.  Some of the other comments were funny to read, but not a good idea to say in a real life situation.

I don't think anyone did conclude that a man with a wardrobe malfunction is always a pervert.  Here is one of the first comments addressing the possibility:

Quote
You assume it's unintentional - there are guys who get off on flashing strangers, especially women.  I won't hazard a guess about what percentage of indecent exposure is intentional and how much is accidental, but I'm guessing the chances are decently even.  Since I have absolutely no interest in actually approaching a guy who is getting his rocks off by including me in his fantasies without my approval, I would either ignore it or tell an appropriate authority (if it looks like the guy will be around that area for a while and I can't just leave).

It happened to me once that I was on a train, and a man sat across from me wearing baggy shorts and no underwear.  He sat with his legs spread wide apart and one of his legs raised in the air at an unnatural angle so that he was pretty much fully exposed.  He also had his hat pulled down so that I could not see his face clearly. 

Maybe if it was clearly a genuine accident and/or I knew the person I'd say something.  But otherwise not.  It's not because a penis is a big deal, but more because I don't want to escalate an unpleasant situation or be used by someone getting his jollies from my reaction.

This.  It's a risk versus reward thing for me: if he's not a pervert, then the only reward is on the guy's end (he's not embarrassed).  If he is a pervert, the risk is to me: he leaves me feeling icky for the rest of the day, he leers at me, he follows me around the pool to the point I feel like I need to leave, I have to worry about whether I'll see him there again, etc.  As much as I'm happy to help a stranger when it's not too much of an inconvenience, I don't think the risk (to me) is worth the reward (to him).

I would feel differently about it if it were a woman, mostly because I think the chances of a woman intentionally flashing people to fulfill a personal fetish are much lower than they are of there just being a "wardrobe malfunction."  The risk/reward calculation is still there, but now the risk is much smaller and the reward is much more likely.

Mental Magpie

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Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
« Reply #55 on: February 06, 2013, 05:28:19 PM »
I would just like to say, that as LIfeguards, we are in fact trained on how to deal with things exactly like this, so just tell the guard. Innocent or not, they will deal with it appropriately.

Assuming there is a lifeguard there.  If not, then what?  I say handle it yourself, discreetly.
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Emmy

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Re: "Hanging out" in Public.
« Reply #56 on: February 07, 2013, 04:34:29 PM »
I agree and think the conclusion that he is a pervert who is doing this deliberately is unfair.  If a woman had her breast exposed in a similar situation, I think most people would assume it was an accident rather than she is a pervert who is deliberately flashing people. 

Most people would be embarrassed no matter how it is handled, but it would be much less embarrassing to have it handled quickly and discreetly.  I like the idea of quietly telling the man to adjust his swimsuit without making eye contact.  Some of the other comments were funny to read, but not a good idea to say in a real life situation.

I don't think anyone did conclude that a man with a wardrobe malfunction is always a pervert.  Here is one of the first comments addressing the possibility:

Quote
You assume it's unintentional - there are guys who get off on flashing strangers, especially women.  I won't hazard a guess about what percentage of indecent exposure is intentional and how much is accidental, but I'm guessing the chances are decently even.  Since I have absolutely no interest in actually approaching a guy who is getting his rocks off by including me in his fantasies without my approval, I would either ignore it or tell an appropriate authority (if it looks like the guy will be around that area for a while and I can't just leave).

It happened to me once that I was on a train, and a man sat across from me wearing baggy shorts and no underwear.  He sat with his legs spread wide apart and one of his legs raised in the air at an unnatural angle so that he was pretty much fully exposed.  He also had his hat pulled down so that I could not see his face clearly. 

Maybe if it was clearly a genuine accident and/or I knew the person I'd say something.  But otherwise not.  It's not because a penis is a big deal, but more because I don't want to escalate an unpleasant situation or be used by someone getting his jollies from my reaction.

This.  It's a risk versus reward thing for me: if he's not a pervert, then the only reward is on the guy's end (he's not embarrassed).  If he is a pervert, the risk is to me: he leaves me feeling icky for the rest of the day, he leers at me, he follows me around the pool to the point I feel like I need to leave, I have to worry about whether I'll see him there again, etc.  As much as I'm happy to help a stranger when it's not too much of an inconvenience, I don't think the risk (to me) is worth the reward (to him).

I would feel differently about it if it were a woman, mostly because I think the chances of a woman intentionally flashing people to fulfill a personal fetish are much lower than they are of there just being a "wardrobe malfunction."  The risk/reward calculation is still there, but now the risk is much smaller and the reward is much more likely.

I do think if the guy is acting suspiciously, like the train guy with the baggy shorts, I would avoid and ignore him.  If it really seemed like he didn't know, I would rather give him the benefit of the doubt and let him know his swimsuit needs adjusting.  I would do this although it would be easier to say nothing because I would want somebody to do it for me.