General Etiquette > Techno-quette

Would this upset you?

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JenJay:
I'd assume a Facebook relationship was all they really wanted with me and respond in kind. If I saw a big announcement I'd comment on it and if I didn't then they couldn't blame me for "ignoring" their news. I wouldn't call, send gifts, etc. Hopefully they're just lazy and maybe they'll notice the lack of enthusiasm and pick up the phone.

WillyNilly:
Well ho often is your DH calling them and asking about stuff?  I mean you found out about SIL's wedding a month later... does that mean you DH had called during the month of silence and said 'so anything new?" and got told "nah, same old, same old..." or does it mean your DH is so far out of touch with his family that he'd went months without speaking with them?  Same with the baby - did he know she was pregnant?  If so, was he calling 3 weeks before the baby was due "hey its getting close now!" or was the total pregnancy a surprise? And if it was does that mean he hadn't called her is 9 months either?

Why is it all on them to call him and tell him and not on him at all to pick up his phone and ask how their lives are?

Don't get me wrong - I don't call my brother, and he doesn't call me - I think that kind of relationship is perfectly acceptable.  But I certainly am not complaining that my brother isn't calling me with news, as I have no desire to start being obligated to call him - because it is absolutely a two way street.

Hmmmmm:

--- Quote from: WillyNilly on February 04, 2013, 11:22:10 AM ---Well ho often is your DH calling them and asking about stuff?  I mean you found out about SIL's wedding a month later... does that mean you DH had called during the month of silence and said 'so anything new?" and got told "nah, same old, same old..." or does it mean your DH is so far out of touch with his family that he'd went months without speaking with them?  Same with the baby - did he know she was pregnant?  If so, was he calling 3 weeks before the baby was due "hey its getting close now!" or was the total pregnancy a surprise? And if it was does that mean he hadn't called her is 9 months either?

Why is it all on them to call him and tell him and not on him at all to pick up his phone and ask how their lives are?

Don't get me wrong - I don't call my brother, and he doesn't call me - I think that kind of relationship is perfectly acceptable.  But I certainly am not complaining that my brother isn't calling me with news, as I have no desire to start being obligated to call him - because it is absolutely a two way street.

--- End quote ---

This.  If your DH is not actively staying in contact with them, why would they assume he cares about their news?

audrey1962:

--- Quote from: kitchcat on February 04, 2013, 10:25:02 AM ---If another family member asks us why we have not reacted to the news in some way (like sending a card, buying a gift, etc.) what should we say?

--- End quote ---

Is this a typical question you receive?

laceandbits:
If the family balance is such that they are more comfortable sending their news via Facebook, don't make them uncomfortable by sending them cards or gifts.  Just send them a congratulations using their favourite medium.

On the otherhand, as others have said, if you don't like this impersonal way of communication with your in-law family, DH and/or you need to phone them at least once a week with the "What's new" line.  Then you do have a legitimate grievance if you still only hear the important things via Facebook and you need to start thinking if they actually care much if you know things or not.

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