Funeral pictures on your Timeline

[bah12]

Being aware of what might be contentious and being rude to post it aren't the same, IMO.  I think that there is a lot of stuff that's out there that is meant to be upsetting (the abused animals for instance).  The whole point of some of those pictures/ads is to upset people into action.  And as much as I dislike seeing them and they upset me, it's still their (general) right to post them.

I would assume that whoever posted the picture of their mom in her coffin was just documenting that part of their life/experience.  That person may or may not have been thinking "seeing my mom lying in a coffin might upset some of my friends."  Especially considering that their mom lying in the coffin to begin with was probably more upsetting to them than a random picture to someone who wasn't directly affected by the death. It's just like I don't necessarily think that posting pictures of my child may upset friends who are struggling having children of their own or posting a picture of a giant snake I found in my yard may upset someone who has a fear of snakes.  Or saying something about how wonderful my DH could possibly upset someone going through a divorce.

While I get that dead bodies is upsetting to a lot of people (I don't like seeing them either), I don't agree that people should be restrained not to post potentially upsetting things.  My FB is more for me than for anyone else.  Sure, I choose to share it with a few hundren people but that doesn't mean that I'm doing it for them or should have to consider their personal fears and discomforts when I choose to make posts.

Now, there is a huge difference, to me, between FB, and personal interaction.  If I'm spending time with a friend who is upset about infertility for example, I do think it would be pretty incosiderate to make her sit down and go through a photo album of my child.  But to put that same photo album on FB, where she will see it in her newsfeed, not so much.  THe same considerations don't necessarily apply.  If my child and my constant postings about my child upset her enough, she will probably hide my feed.  That's her choice.  (And yes, I realize I'm using an extreme example...but the point is that I don't think there is any absolute of what can and cannot be posted that isn't already illegal or banned by the site).

[CakeEater]

You know, the other thing that I find troubling about this issue is the lack of privacy for the deceased. You're not looking your best, surely, at that point.

So laying aside the issue of whether or not people would be disturbed by viewing them, I wonder if the deceased would have a problem with it? I guess if you knew that the decesaed wouldn't mind these sorts of images being shared with all and sundry, it might be OK.

I wouldn't want photos of me in my coffin showing up in my grand-daughter's basketball team-mate's newsfeed between a photo of someone's puppy and someone else's renovation.

I would assume that whoever posted the picture of their mom in her coffin was just documenting that part of their life/experience.  That person may or may not have been thinking "seeing my mom lying in a coffin might upset some of my friends."  Especially considering that their mom lying in the coffin to begin with was probably more upsetting to them than a random picture to someone who wasn't directly affected by the death. It's just like I don't necessarily think that posting pictures of my child may upset friends who are struggling having children of their own or posting a picture of a giant snake I found in my yard may upset someone who has a fear of snakes.  Or saying something about how wonderful my DH could possibly upset someone going through a divorce.

I don't understand these comparisons. A dead human body is such a different situation than posting a happy thought about your husband. I get that both things can be upsetting for different people, but they're just not the same thing.

I didn't want to see lots of pictures of kids after Newtown either, and I guess I'm lucky that no-one in my friends list posted anything like that. I actually, like you, spent a lot of that weekend upset, and had trouble sleeping just by seeing snippets on the news, and I live on a whole other continent! I would agree with you that those weren't appropriate for FB either.

There's a big variety of acceptable things to post on FB. I get that different people will find different things acceptable. This is something that is on my 'no' list.

[Sharnita]

The thing is, CakeEater's "no" list does not define the terms of use for fb.  I assume that if you personally feel that strongly about how you look after death and who sees you that way the chances are hight that you might have a closed casket and/or private funeral anyway. But the "I wouldn't want" just tells us waht your family should do after you die (assuming you've made your feelings clear), not what everyone else feels or should do.

[Giggity]

just as it would be rude to post pictures of the hairball my cat deposited on the carpet because it might make my friends feel ill.

See, I don't think that part is rude at all.

[MariaE]

just as it would be rude to post pictures of the hairball my cat deposited on the carpet because it might make my friends feel ill.

See, I don't think that part is rude at all.

Yet seeing something like that would be infinitely more disturbing to me than seeing a picture of an open coffin.

[CakeEater]

The thing is, CakeEater's "no" list does not define the terms of use for fb.  I assume that if you personally feel that strongly about how you look after death and who sees you that way the chances are hight that you might have a closed casket and/or private funeral anyway. But the "I wouldn't want" just tells us waht your family should do after you die (assuming you've made your feelings clear), not what everyone else feels or should do.

I'm not saying it can, or does. But we're discussing what we consider acceptable.

[White Lotus]

I cannot take animal abuse pictures either, and I support rescue organizations anonymously, because I cannot bear to read their mail.  I have blocked people who constantly post animal abuse pictures.  These are live beings, suffering.  I just can't do that.
I have yet to see a dead person photograph on FB, and open coffins are not usual at all in my circles.  I don't think I have ever seen one at a funeral.  I have seen dead people all too many times, however, and as they are not suffering, I find I can cope.  I would find such a posting weird and odd, but not specifically offensive.  It is also not something likely to be repeated.  If someone made a habit of it, though, I think I would find an intent to offend, because this kind of photograph is likely to upset many people, and I would consider blocking.

[squeakers]

If FB allows it.. it can not be rude.  No matter what our personal limits are.

I hate abuse photos, clowns, and many other "roll my eyes" photos/statuses/memes.

It could be a plant, a puppy, a kitty or dead Aunt Martha, or an idea that I see on FB.

If FB allows it.. I have to accept it.  That does not mean I have to like it.. or ""like" it.

That means I have absorb it/read it it/ to roll past it.  With or without a comment on it.

Until FB makes a ruling that coffin photos are a "no post"...

Just like FB has made porno "no go"

and breastfeeding photos ;-P

But thong wearing butt photos, boobs with a tiny band-aids and .. well just about any _female_ nudiekee_body until reported pic can be on FB photo and scary guys in thongs or even just shorts, muskcely guys with no clothes on, puppies fawning, dolphins grinning, or letters dancing....

peanut butter without chocolate

caramel without popcorn

religious
political
environmental

toe hair

FB is a forum, nay.. a  world with etiquette rules of its own.

Some I get.. some make me HUH? and some I have to ask my kids about because it (internet culture) has already zoomed passed me.


Until FB says "nope" before/after I post something (and I get reprimanded for posting it).. it can't be rude in that environment. It can be annoying, scary, uncouth, "wrong", misogynistic, feminist, racist, "political stance A", political stance B"  religious stance A, religious stance B" and so on so on so on so on etc.

But not rude.... because rude is what one perceives according to ones social constructs. And FB is such a rainbow of constructs,

[RingTailedLemur]

Squeakers, I disagree wholeheartedly.

Facebook allows a whole bunch of things that we here have decided are rude.

Society also "allows" a lot of things which we here have decided are, nonetheless, rude.

[Amava]

Facebook is not a world with etiquette rules of its own.
Facebook is merely an online tool for real life people to keep contact with each other.
It is a part of society, not a society of its own.

Facebook rules have nothing whatsoever to do with etiquette. They are restrictions imposed to keep Facebook safe / legal, not to keep Facebook polite.

[JeanFromBNA]

You know, the other thing that I find troubling about this issue is the lack of privacy for the deceased. You're not looking your best, surely, at that point.

So laying aside the issue of whether or not people would be disturbed by viewing them, I wonder if the deceased would have a problem with it? I guess if you knew that the deceased wouldn't mind these sorts of images being shared with all and sundry, it might be OK.

I wouldn't want photos of me in my coffin showing up in my granddaughter's basketball teammate's newsfeed between a photo of someones puppy and someone Else's renovation.

CakeEater, I think these paragraphs summed up what bothered me the most.  It wasn't presented in a respectful context when it appeared on my newsfeed (how could it be?).  And am I supposed to "like" the picture?   I don't think that Friend was purposely irreverent.  In her case, I would guess that she believes that death is a part of life.  But it should be accorded some dignity, IMO.

I'm not squeamish about coffins or corpses and don't flinch at funerals, so although the picture was startling, the macabre aspects bothered me much less than what felt like the lack of consideration for privacy and respect.  I told DH that if he ever does that to me, he's next.

[bah12]

I think we have to assume that the picture didn't violate the wishes of the deceased. The person who's mother was in the picture would know more about her wishes than any of us would.  That's not what this thread is about.  If this were an issue of not respecting postmortem wishes and/or not considering what the deceased would have or would not have been ok with during life, it would be an entirely different conversation.

My basic problem with the assertion that this picture is not ok is that it seems that some are saying "This picture is disturbing to me, therefore it is universally disturbing, and blanketly wrong to post it on FB."  Yet, there are whole cultures of people who take these pictures regularly.  (Even if you don't know them and that's not the case in your circle.)

I think the biggest differential here is how people view FB.  While I don't necessarily agree that FB has an etiquette standard all it's own, I don't liken it to being out in public.  If we have to make an analogy between it and real life, I would say FB is like your home.  And I believe that in our homes we have a lot more freedom of what we choose to hang on the walls, etc, than say a public building or our work office.  We have greater freedoms of what we discuss at home than maybe what we would discuss at work.  We also choose who to invite into our homes and those we invite choose whether or not to accept the invitation and whether or not to ever come back.  There is a wide variety of what people consider appropriate and not inside their own homes, even on this board, but it doesn't make any one of them wrong.  What is wrong is telling someone else what they can/can't display in their homes.

I wouldn't invite someone to my house and then insult them personally...just like I wouldn't purposely insult one of my FB friends on FB.  But, I will speak to and display my religious beliefs freely regardless of what others say and if I were the type of person to take pictures of open caskests (and I'm not), then I would do that in my home as I see fit.

What FB isn't like, is going out in public, grabbing someone by the arm and forcing them to look at pictures after they expressly said they didn't want to.  When you (general) choose to use FB, you are basically accepting a peek into someone's personal life...and what part of their personal life they choose to share with you also varies widely.  But, you do so taking the risk that you may see something you don't like.  It's part of life.  Etiquette guides us into attempting to be considerate of others and it also guides our own behavior when we are faced with less than pleasant things.  But, IMO, etiquette does not set up a black and white list of what people should and should not be bothered by, nor does it protect you (again general) from never being offended or disturbed.

ETA: I want to clarify that I do not think it was innappropriate or wrong of anyone to post about the Newtown school shootings.  That's my point.  Even though that event disturbed me more than anything else that didn't directly affect me, and disturbed pretty much everyone I know, I still don't think it was inappropriate for people to choose to post pictures, stories. or opinions about it on FB. 

[MariaE]

I completely agree, bah

[Sharnita]

Bah, I agree as well

[Tabby Uprising]

Just piping in to say I agree wholeheartedly with your philosophy on this, Bah.