Author Topic: Funeral pictures on your Timeline  (Read 10240 times)

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DottyG

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Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
« Reply #75 on: February 11, 2013, 01:52:56 PM »
Jumping on the Bah bandwagon.

MERUNCC13

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Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
« Reply #76 on: February 11, 2013, 11:29:01 PM »
After just getting over the funeral of my mom (actually step but I was closer to her than my real mother!)  I am of the opinion that a picture of someone in their coffin on someone's Fb timeline is just in bad taste.  Now before my fellow e-hellions get on my case, please hear me out.  If someone gets permission from the family to take a picture to give to someone who could not make the funeral that is one thing, but to just take one just to post it on their timeline is the height of tackiness. 

Now it just so happens that we do have a picture of my husband's grand mom in her coffin, taken in 1966, when it just a little more acceptable to do that.  Plus, it shows her church in the early days after the current sanctuary was built.  Thank God we don't have any more of them!
Life likes to be taken by the hand and told, I'm with you, let's go! Maya Angelou

Hmmmmm

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Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
« Reply #77 on: February 12, 2013, 11:24:13 AM »
snip
I think the biggest differential here is how people view FB.  While I don't necessarily agree that FB has an etiquette standard all it's own, I don't liken it to being out in public.  If we have to make an analogy between it and real life, I would say FB is like your home.  And I believe that in our homes we have a lot more freedom of what we choose to hang on the walls, etc, than say a public building or our work office.  We have greater freedoms of what we discuss at home than maybe what we would discuss at work.  We also choose who to invite into our homes and those we invite choose whether or not to accept the invitation and whether or not to ever come back.  There is a wide variety of what people consider appropriate and not inside their own homes, even on this board, but it doesn't make any one of them wrong.  What is wrong is telling someone else what they can/can't display in their homes.

I wouldn't invite someone to my house and then insult them personally...just like I wouldn't purposely insult one of my FB friends on FB.  But, I will speak to and display my religious beliefs freely regardless of what others say and if I were the type of person to take pictures of open caskests (and I'm not), then I would do that in my home as I see fit.

What FB isn't like, is going out in public, grabbing someone by the arm and forcing them to look at pictures after they expressly said they didn't want to.  When you (general) choose to use FB, you are basically accepting a peek into someone's personal life...and what part of their personal life they choose to share with you also varies widely.  But, you do so taking the risk that you may see something you don't like.  It's part of life.  Etiquette guides us into attempting to be considerate of others and it also guides our own behavior when we are faced with less than pleasant things.  But, IMO, etiquette does not set up a black and white list of what people should and should not be bothered by, nor does it protect you (again general) from never being offended or disturbed.

Snip

I agree with everything Bah has said except that I think facebook isn't as private as a home.  It is more like what your front yard or maybe even your home with the windows wide open and all the lights on. You have rights to post/plant/display just about anything you want on your property or your Facebook page.  But with Facebook, because of the newsfeed option, it is sending out to your friends the contents of your page. Unlike your home where the only way I might see a disturbing photo is to accept and invitation to visit and make the decision to enter your home.  If Facebook did not do the newsfeed option and instead required people to "go visit" a person's home page to see their content, then I would agree that it would be exactly like the analogy of someone's home. 

bah12

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Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
« Reply #78 on: February 12, 2013, 12:50:10 PM »
I can see your point, though FB doesn't send out your photos to everyone who happens to be on FB at the time (i.e. whoever happens to be walking down your street when you're out in your front yard).  It only appears on the walls of those who have accepted friends requests...so, I still sort of see it as an invitation to come inside your home.   The difference is on FB, you accept the invitation once and have access to everything your 'friend' chooses to share with you.  It's like a come/go relationship without having to get express permission everytime.  Though at any point in time you can choose to leave (hide) or someone can kick you out (defriend). 

Onyx_TKD

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Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
« Reply #79 on: February 12, 2013, 01:38:45 PM »
I can see your point, though FB doesn't send out your photos to everyone who happens to be on FB at the time (i.e. whoever happens to be walking down your street when you're out in your front yard).  It only appears on the walls of those who have accepted friends requests...so, I still sort of see it as an invitation to come inside your home.   The difference is on FB, you accept the invitation once and have access to everything your 'friend' chooses to share with you.  It's like a come/go relationship without having to get express permission everytime.  Though at any point in time you can choose to leave (hide) or someone can kick you out (defriend).

I agree. Facebook has settings to control whether you want a particular person's posts to show on your newsfeed. If you friend someone and leave the settings to show their posts on your newsfeed, it's kind of like they put up a webcam in their house and you chose to have the live feed on your homepage. They are acting in their own "home" and have invited you to watch whatever they share in front of the webcam whenever you like. By friending them and having their posts appear on your newsfeed, you have implicitly said that you want to view whatever they choose to share any time you log on to facebook. If you would rather remain friends and only see into their "home" when you actually go "visiting" in person, then facebook gives you that option--you just have to tell facebook you don't want that person's posts on your newsfeed and you'll only see them when you go to that person's own facebook page.

For an example of exactly that sort of watch-the-webcam-at-your-own-risk scenario:
There's another thread on eHell about a live webcam of a litter of kittens being fostered until adoption. Apparently, some viewers have complained about having seen kitten poop, vomit, etc., on the feed, to the point that the guy running it had to make a post saying not to watch if those things bother you, because that's just what life with young kittens is like. If you choose to make the kitten-cam your homepage, then you may seem some unpleasant aspects of kitten life without warning when you open your browser. It's your responsibility to decide how and when you want to access that sort of live-feed, or if you want to do access at all.

RingTailedLemur

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Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
« Reply #80 on: February 12, 2013, 01:42:59 PM »
I can see your point, though FB doesn't send out your photos to everyone who happens to be on FB at the time (i.e. whoever happens to be walking down your street when you're out in your front yard).  It only appears on the walls of those who have accepted friends requests...so, I still sort of see it as an invitation to come inside your home.   The difference is on FB, you accept the invitation once and have access to everything your 'friend' chooses to share with you.  It's like a come/go relationship without having to get express permission everytime.  Though at any point in time you can choose to leave (hide) or someone can kick you out (defriend).

I agree. Facebook has settings to control whether you want a particular person's posts to show on your newsfeed. If you friend someone and leave the settings to show their posts on your newsfeed, it's kind of like they put up a webcam in their house and you chose to have the live feed on your homepage. They are acting in their own "home" and have invited you to watch whatever they share in front of the webcam whenever you like. By friending them and having their posts appear on your newsfeed, you have implicitly said that you want to view whatever they choose to share any time you log on to facebook. If you would rather remain friends and only see into their "home" when you actually go "visiting" in person, then facebook gives you that option--you just have to tell facebook you don't want that person's posts on your newsfeed and you'll only see them when you go to that person's own facebook page.

For an example of exactly that sort of watch-the-webcam-at-your-own-risk scenario:
There's another thread on eHell about a live webcam of a litter of kittens being fostered until adoption. Apparently, some viewers have complained about having seen kitten poop, vomit, etc., on the feed, to the point that the guy running it had to make a post saying not to watch if those things bother you, because that's just what life with young kittens is like. If you choose to make the kitten-cam your homepage, then you may seem some unpleasant aspects of kitten life without warning when you open your browser. It's your responsibility to decide how and when you want to access that sort of live-feed, or if you want to do access at all.

No, it's not the same.  As a reasonable person I would expect to see poop when there are animals.  I would be absolutely stunned that someone had taken pictures of a cadaver (and posted them to FB!!!) because it is so far outisde my experience.  I don't think I should expect it.
« Last Edit: February 12, 2013, 01:50:32 PM by RingTailedLemur »

DottyG

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Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
« Reply #81 on: February 12, 2013, 01:44:30 PM »
There's a webcam like this?!  Where?!  I want to see it.  :)

RingTailedLemur

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Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
« Reply #82 on: February 12, 2013, 01:51:16 PM »
There's a webcam like this?!  Where?!  I want to see it.  :)

I assume you mean kittens, not coffin pics...  ;)

Here: http://new.livestream.com/FosterKittenCam/RipleysKittens

Onyx_TKD

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Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
« Reply #83 on: February 12, 2013, 02:14:01 PM »
I can see your point, though FB doesn't send out your photos to everyone who happens to be on FB at the time (i.e. whoever happens to be walking down your street when you're out in your front yard).  It only appears on the walls of those who have accepted friends requests...so, I still sort of see it as an invitation to come inside your home.   The difference is on FB, you accept the invitation once and have access to everything your 'friend' chooses to share with you.  It's like a come/go relationship without having to get express permission everytime.  Though at any point in time you can choose to leave (hide) or someone can kick you out (defriend).

I agree. Facebook has settings to control whether you want a particular person's posts to show on your newsfeed. If you friend someone and leave the settings to show their posts on your newsfeed, it's kind of like they put up a webcam in their house and you chose to have the live feed on your homepage. They are acting in their own "home" and have invited you to watch whatever they share in front of the webcam whenever you like. By friending them and having their posts appear on your newsfeed, you have implicitly said that you want to view whatever they choose to share any time you log on to facebook. If you would rather remain friends and only see into their "home" when you actually go "visiting" in person, then facebook gives you that option--you just have to tell facebook you don't want that person's posts on your newsfeed and you'll only see them when you go to that person's own facebook page.

For an example of exactly that sort of watch-the-webcam-at-your-own-risk scenario:
There's another thread on eHell about a live webcam of a litter of kittens being fostered until adoption. Apparently, some viewers have complained about having seen kitten poop, vomit, etc., on the feed, to the point that the guy running it had to make a post saying not to watch if those things bother you, because that's just what life with young kittens is like. If you choose to make the kitten-cam your homepage, then you may seem some unpleasant aspects of kitten life without warning when you open your browser. It's your responsibility to decide how and when you want to access that sort of live-feed, or if you want to do access at all.

No, it's not the same.  As a reasonable person I would expect to see poop when there are animals.  I would be absolutely stunned that someone had taken pictures of a cadaver (and posted them to FB!!!) because it is so far outisde my experience.  I don't think I should expect it.

Do you disagree with my analogy that including someone in your facebook newsfeed is similar to viewing someone's webcam, or are you disagreeing only that my specific example is comparable to the OP?

The point of my post was not that kitten poop and people in coffins are equivalent. They're obviously two very different things. My point was that including someone on your facebook newsfeed, like viewing someone's live webcam, is accepting their invitation to view what they choose to share in their own space. In the case of the facebook newsfeed, this is an ongoing invitation/acceptance rather than one you proactively accept each and every time--similar to putting a webcam feed on your homepage, instead of specifically typing in the web address or clicking a link when you want to see it. Accepting the invitation to view everything someone else chooses to share, whether that takes the form of including them in your facebook newsfeed, viewing the live feed from their webcam, visiting their blog, etc., carries a risk of seeing things you don't want to see and/or things you did not expect to see. The fact that you saw something you did not want to see does not necessarily mean that the person who posted it was wrong, whether it's poop or an open coffin. Seeing certain things may make you decide that you no longer want to follow them, or make you decide that you don't want to be friends, or even that you don't want to associate with that person at all. That still doesn't mean it was necessarily wrong for them to have posted it.

RingTailedLemur

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Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
« Reply #84 on: February 12, 2013, 02:19:01 PM »
I can see your point, though FB doesn't send out your photos to everyone who happens to be on FB at the time (i.e. whoever happens to be walking down your street when you're out in your front yard).  It only appears on the walls of those who have accepted friends requests...so, I still sort of see it as an invitation to come inside your home.   The difference is on FB, you accept the invitation once and have access to everything your 'friend' chooses to share with you.  It's like a come/go relationship without having to get express permission everytime.  Though at any point in time you can choose to leave (hide) or someone can kick you out (defriend).

I agree. Facebook has settings to control whether you want a particular person's posts to show on your newsfeed. If you friend someone and leave the settings to show their posts on your newsfeed, it's kind of like they put up a webcam in their house and you chose to have the live feed on your homepage. They are acting in their own "home" and have invited you to watch whatever they share in front of the webcam whenever you like. By friending them and having their posts appear on your newsfeed, you have implicitly said that you want to view whatever they choose to share any time you log on to facebook. If you would rather remain friends and only see into their "home" when you actually go "visiting" in person, then facebook gives you that option--you just have to tell facebook you don't want that person's posts on your newsfeed and you'll only see them when you go to that person's own facebook page.

For an example of exactly that sort of watch-the-webcam-at-your-own-risk scenario:
There's another thread on eHell about a live webcam of a litter of kittens being fostered until adoption. Apparently, some viewers have complained about having seen kitten poop, vomit, etc., on the feed, to the point that the guy running it had to make a post saying not to watch if those things bother you, because that's just what life with young kittens is like. If you choose to make the kitten-cam your homepage, then you may seem some unpleasant aspects of kitten life without warning when you open your browser. It's your responsibility to decide how and when you want to access that sort of live-feed, or if you want to do access at all.

No, it's not the same.  As a reasonable person I would expect to see poop when there are animals.  I would be absolutely stunned that someone had taken pictures of a cadaver (and posted them to FB!!!) because it is so far outisde my experience.  I don't think I should expect it.

Do you disagree with my analogy that including someone in your facebook newsfeed is similar to viewing someone's webcam, or are you disagreeing only that my specific example is comparable to the OP?

I disagree with the specific example.


Quote
The point of my post was not that kitten poop and people in coffins are equivalent. They're obviously two very different things. My point was that including someone on your facebook newsfeed, like viewing someone's live webcam, is accepting their invitation to view what they choose to share in their own space. In the case of the facebook newsfeed, this is an ongoing invitation/acceptance rather than one you proactively accept each and every time--similar to putting a webcam feed on your homepage, instead of specifically typing in the web address or clicking a link when you want to see it. Accepting the invitation to view everything someone else chooses to share, whether that takes the form of including them in your facebook newsfeed, viewing the live feed from their webcam, visiting their blog, etc., carries a risk of seeing things you don't want to see and/or things you did not expect to see. The fact that you saw something you did not want to see does not necessarily mean that the person who posted it was wrong, whether it's poop or an open coffin. Seeing certain things may make you decide that you no longer want to follow them, or make you decide that you don't want to be friends, or even that you don't want to associate with that person at all. That still doesn't mean it was necessarily wrong for them to have posted it.

Except I include people in my newsfeed that I assume will behave in a "reasonable" way.  In my opinion, photos of dead relatives in coffins is utterly bizarre and so far beyond what I consider "normal" that I would be shocked.  It's not my fault I am offended by something so offensive.
« Last Edit: February 13, 2013, 04:30:06 PM by RingTailedLemur »

Onyx_TKD

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Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
« Reply #85 on: February 12, 2013, 03:59:55 PM »
I can see your point, though FB doesn't send out your photos to everyone who happens to be on FB at the time (i.e. whoever happens to be walking down your street when you're out in your front yard).  It only appears on the walls of those who have accepted friends requests...so, I still sort of see it as an invitation to come inside your home.   The difference is on FB, you accept the invitation once and have access to everything your 'friend' chooses to share with you.  It's like a come/go relationship without having to get express permission everytime.  Though at any point in time you can choose to leave (hide) or someone can kick you out (defriend).

I agree. Facebook has settings to control whether you want a particular person's posts to show on your newsfeed. If you friend someone and leave the settings to show their posts on your newsfeed, it's kind of like they put up a webcam in their house and you chose to have the live feed on your homepage. They are acting in their own "home" and have invited you to watch whatever they share in front of the webcam whenever you like. By friending them and having their posts appear on your newsfeed, you have implicitly said that you want to view whatever they choose to share any time you log on to facebook. If you would rather remain friends and only see into their "home" when you actually go "visiting" in person, then facebook gives you that option--you just have to tell facebook you don't want that person's posts on your newsfeed and you'll only see them when you go to that person's own facebook page.

For an example of exactly that sort of watch-the-webcam-at-your-own-risk scenario:
There's another thread on eHell about a live webcam of a litter of kittens being fostered until adoption. Apparently, some viewers have complained about having seen kitten poop, vomit, etc., on the feed, to the point that the guy running it had to make a post saying not to watch if those things bother you, because that's just what life with young kittens is like. If you choose to make the kitten-cam your homepage, then you may seem some unpleasant aspects of kitten life without warning when you open your browser. It's your responsibility to decide how and when you want to access that sort of live-feed, or if you want to do access at all.

No, it's not the same.  As a reasonable person I would expect to see poop when there are animals.  I would be absolutely stunned that someone had taken pictures of a cadaver (and posted them to FB!!!) because it is so far outisde my experience.  I don't think I should expect it.

Do you disagree with my analogy that including someone in your facebook newsfeed is similar to viewing someone's webcam, or are you disagreeing only that my specific example is comparable to the OP?

I disage with the specific example.


Quote
The point of my post was not that kitten poop and people in coffins are equivalent. They're obviously two very different things. My point was that including someone on your facebook newsfeed, like viewing someone's live webcam, is accepting their invitation to view what they choose to share in their own space. In the case of the facebook newsfeed, this is an ongoing invitation/acceptance rather than one you proactively accept each and every time--similar to putting a webcam feed on your homepage, instead of specifically typing in the web address or clicking a link when you want to see it. Accepting the invitation to view everything someone else chooses to share, whether that takes the form of including them in your facebook newsfeed, viewing the live feed from their webcam, visiting their blog, etc., carries a risk of seeing things you don't want to see and/or things you did not expect to see. The fact that you saw something you did not want to see does not necessarily mean that the person who posted it was wrong, whether it's poop or an open coffin. Seeing certain things may make you decide that you no longer want to follow them, or make you decide that you don't want to be friends, or even that you don't want to associate with that person at all. That still doesn't mean it was necessarily wrong for them to have posted it.

Except I include people in my newsfeed that I assume will behave in a "reasonable" way.  In my opinion, photos of dead relatives in coffins is utterly bizarre and so far beyond what I consider "normal" that I would be shocked.  It's not my fault I am offended by something so offensive.

It is not your fault that you are offended. But nor is it the fault of your friends that you misjudged what they find reasonable and normal. You assumed that they shared your opinions on what is reasonable and normal and inoffensive. If they post photos of open coffins, then your assumption was wrong. It's unfortunate, but that doesn't make it their fault. I doubt that the people posting photos of their relatives' open coffins would agree with you that these photos are inherently "so offensive." When they friended you, they likely assumed that you shared their definition reasonable and normal and inoffensive as well. If so, they misjudged you just as you misjudged them. Misjudgement all around--why is their misjudgement more wrong than yours?

Hmmmmm

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Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
« Reply #86 on: February 12, 2013, 04:27:37 PM »
Staying with the webcam analogy, knowing that people are viewing my activities via a webcam would make me try and not do something that would offend the majority of people that I have invited to watch my homebased activities.  If I've allowed them to watch me at any time, then I feel some responsibility to behave in a certain way.  Yes, they can turn off the webcam if they feel offended.  But if I've invited them to be a voyeur in my life, why would I choose to do something that would make many feel uncomfortable. Like I would make sure that my bathroom door was closed because most people would not want to see what occurs behind that door.

With this OP, I don't know if sharing photos of of deceased people is common in her background.  I do know that in my experience and background, photos of deceased are not common.  Newspapers and news programs have historically tried to always avoid showing photos of deceased individuals. So I would be startled to come upon a photo on my newsfeed of a person's family member in a casket and I would wonder about why they chose to share that with all of their friends on facebook. It would feel very out of the norm for me. It wouldn't cause me distress because I've seen way too many people in confins. But just very odd and out of the norm of my expectations.

(As a side note, I remember when my father's mother passed away.  One of his brother's was unable to attend the funeral and Dad took a photo of his mom in the casket to send to his brother to show him how peaceful she looked at rest. Dad kept a copy of the photo but it wasn't put in our family photo album because it would have seen out of place amongst the holiday, vacation, and birthday photos. So maybe that exprience is what is coloring my view of this.)

RingTailedLemur

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Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
« Reply #87 on: February 12, 2013, 05:36:22 PM »
I can see your point, though FB doesn't send out your photos to everyone who happens to be on FB at the time (i.e. whoever happens to be walking down your street when you're out in your front yard).  It only appears on the walls of those who have accepted friends requests...so, I still sort of see it as an invitation to come inside your home.   The difference is on FB, you accept the invitation once and have access to everything your 'friend' chooses to share with you.  It's like a come/go relationship without having to get express permission everytime.  Though at any point in time you can choose to leave (hide) or someone can kick you out (defriend).

I agree. Facebook has settings to control whether you want a particular person's posts to show on your newsfeed. If you friend someone and leave the settings to show their posts on your newsfeed, it's kind of like they put up a webcam in their house and you chose to have the live feed on your homepage. They are acting in their own "home" and have invited you to watch whatever they share in front of the webcam whenever you like. By friending them and having their posts appear on your newsfeed, you have implicitly said that you want to view whatever they choose to share any time you log on to facebook. If you would rather remain friends and only see into their "home" when you actually go "visiting" in person, then facebook gives you that option--you just have to tell facebook you don't want that person's posts on your newsfeed and you'll only see them when you go to that person's own facebook page.

For an example of exactly that sort of watch-the-webcam-at-your-own-risk scenario:
There's another thread on eHell about a live webcam of a litter of kittens being fostered until adoption. Apparently, some viewers have complained about having seen kitten poop, vomit, etc., on the feed, to the point that the guy running it had to make a post saying not to watch if those things bother you, because that's just what life with young kittens is like. If you choose to make the kitten-cam your homepage, then you may seem some unpleasant aspects of kitten life without warning when you open your browser. It's your responsibility to decide how and when you want to access that sort of live-feed, or if you want to do access at all.

No, it's not the same.  As a reasonable person I would expect to see poop when there are animals.  I would be absolutely stunned that someone had taken pictures of a cadaver (and posted them to FB!!!) because it is so far outisde my experience.  I don't think I should expect it.

Do you disagree with my analogy that including someone in your facebook newsfeed is similar to viewing someone's webcam, or are you disagreeing only that my specific example is comparable to the OP?

I disage with the specific example.


Quote
The point of my post was not that kitten poop and people in coffins are equivalent. They're obviously two very different things. My point was that including someone on your facebook newsfeed, like viewing someone's live webcam, is accepting their invitation to view what they choose to share in their own space. In the case of the facebook newsfeed, this is an ongoing invitation/acceptance rather than one you proactively accept each and every time--similar to putting a webcam feed on your homepage, instead of specifically typing in the web address or clicking a link when you want to see it. Accepting the invitation to view everything someone else chooses to share, whether that takes the form of including them in your facebook newsfeed, viewing the live feed from their webcam, visiting their blog, etc., carries a risk of seeing things you don't want to see and/or things you did not expect to see. The fact that you saw something you did not want to see does not necessarily mean that the person who posted it was wrong, whether it's poop or an open coffin. Seeing certain things may make you decide that you no longer want to follow them, or make you decide that you don't want to be friends, or even that you don't want to associate with that person at all. That still doesn't mean it was necessarily wrong for them to have posted it.

Except I include people in my newsfeed that I assume will behave in a "reasonable" way.  In my opinion, photos of dead relatives in coffins is utterly bizarre and so far beyond what I consider "normal" that I would be shocked.  It's not my fault I am offended by something so offensive.

It is not your fault that you are offended. But nor is it the fault of your friends that you misjudged what they find reasonable and normal. You assumed that they shared your opinions on what is reasonable and normal and inoffensive. If they post photos of open coffins, then your assumption was wrong. It's unfortunate, but that doesn't make it their fault. I doubt that the people posting photos of their relatives' open coffins would agree with you that these photos are inherently "so offensive." When they friended you, they likely assumed that you shared their definition reasonable and normal and inoffensive as well. If so, they misjudged you just as you misjudged them. Misjudgement all around--why is their misjudgement more wrong than yours?

As I have repeatedly said, I come from a culture where open coffins at funerals just don't happen.  Viewings, except perhaps by the spouse, do not happen.  I have never seen a body, for that reason.  Therefore it is reasonable that a photograph of one would be seen as beyond the pale.

The only "assumption" I have made is that my friends are from the same cultural background as me - and that isn't an assumption.

bah12

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Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
« Reply #88 on: February 12, 2013, 06:32:42 PM »
As I have repeatedly said, I come from a culture where open coffins at funerals just don't happen.  Viewings, except perhaps by the spouse, do not happen.  I have never seen a body, for that reason.  Therefore it is reasonable that a photograph of one would be seen as beyond the pale.

The only "assumption" I have made is that my friends are from the same cultural background as me - and that isn't an assumption.

In this case, I don't see how you would possibly run into this particular situation (seeing a picture of an open casket).  But, that doesn't mean that anyone who does post such a picture (like the OP's friend) is wrong or rude.  It just means that they are different from you and your friends.  And if one of your friends did happen to post such a picture, it still doesn't necessarily make them wrong or rude.  It makes your assumption (the one where you believe that everyone you know thinks, behaves, and has the same feelings on what is and isn't offensive and appropriate as you) incorrect. 


Onyx_TKD

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Re: Funeral pictures on your Timeline
« Reply #89 on: February 12, 2013, 06:37:39 PM »
I can see your point, though FB doesn't send out your photos to everyone who happens to be on FB at the time (i.e. whoever happens to be walking down your street when you're out in your front yard).  It only appears on the walls of those who have accepted friends requests...so, I still sort of see it as an invitation to come inside your home.   The difference is on FB, you accept the invitation once and have access to everything your 'friend' chooses to share with you.  It's like a come/go relationship without having to get express permission everytime.  Though at any point in time you can choose to leave (hide) or someone can kick you out (defriend).

I agree. Facebook has settings to control whether you want a particular person's posts to show on your newsfeed. If you friend someone and leave the settings to show their posts on your newsfeed, it's kind of like they put up a webcam in their house and you chose to have the live feed on your homepage. They are acting in their own "home" and have invited you to watch whatever they share in front of the webcam whenever you like. By friending them and having their posts appear on your newsfeed, you have implicitly said that you want to view whatever they choose to share any time you log on to facebook. If you would rather remain friends and only see into their "home" when you actually go "visiting" in person, then facebook gives you that option--you just have to tell facebook you don't want that person's posts on your newsfeed and you'll only see them when you go to that person's own facebook page.

For an example of exactly that sort of watch-the-webcam-at-your-own-risk scenario:
There's another thread on eHell about a live webcam of a litter of kittens being fostered until adoption. Apparently, some viewers have complained about having seen kitten poop, vomit, etc., on the feed, to the point that the guy running it had to make a post saying not to watch if those things bother you, because that's just what life with young kittens is like. If you choose to make the kitten-cam your homepage, then you may seem some unpleasant aspects of kitten life without warning when you open your browser. It's your responsibility to decide how and when you want to access that sort of live-feed, or if you want to do access at all.

No, it's not the same.  As a reasonable person I would expect to see poop when there are animals.  I would be absolutely stunned that someone had taken pictures of a cadaver (and posted them to FB!!!) because it is so far outisde my experience.  I don't think I should expect it.

Do you disagree with my analogy that including someone in your facebook newsfeed is similar to viewing someone's webcam, or are you disagreeing only that my specific example is comparable to the OP?

I disage with the specific example.


Quote
The point of my post was not that kitten poop and people in coffins are equivalent. They're obviously two very different things. My point was that including someone on your facebook newsfeed, like viewing someone's live webcam, is accepting their invitation to view what they choose to share in their own space. In the case of the facebook newsfeed, this is an ongoing invitation/acceptance rather than one you proactively accept each and every time--similar to putting a webcam feed on your homepage, instead of specifically typing in the web address or clicking a link when you want to see it. Accepting the invitation to view everything someone else chooses to share, whether that takes the form of including them in your facebook newsfeed, viewing the live feed from their webcam, visiting their blog, etc., carries a risk of seeing things you don't want to see and/or things you did not expect to see. The fact that you saw something you did not want to see does not necessarily mean that the person who posted it was wrong, whether it's poop or an open coffin. Seeing certain things may make you decide that you no longer want to follow them, or make you decide that you don't want to be friends, or even that you don't want to associate with that person at all. That still doesn't mean it was necessarily wrong for them to have posted it.

Except I include people in my newsfeed that I assume will behave in a "reasonable" way.  In my opinion, photos of dead relatives in coffins is utterly bizarre and so far beyond what I consider "normal" that I would be shocked.  It's not my fault I am offended by something so offensive.

It is not your fault that you are offended. But nor is it the fault of your friends that you misjudged what they find reasonable and normal. You assumed that they shared your opinions on what is reasonable and normal and inoffensive. If they post photos of open coffins, then your assumption was wrong. It's unfortunate, but that doesn't make it their fault. I doubt that the people posting photos of their relatives' open coffins would agree with you that these photos are inherently "so offensive." When they friended you, they likely assumed that you shared their definition reasonable and normal and inoffensive as well. If so, they misjudged you just as you misjudged them. Misjudgement all around--why is their misjudgement more wrong than yours?

As I have repeatedly said, I come from a culture where open coffins at funerals just don't happen.  Viewings, except perhaps by the spouse, do not happen.  I have never seen a body, for that reason.  Therefore it is reasonable that a photograph of one would be seen as beyond the pale.

The only "assumption" I have made is that my friends are from the same cultural background as me - and that isn't an assumption.

OK, I'm confused. I promise I am not trying to be snarky, but I'm starting to think we're each debating a slightly different question here, so I'm going to try to clarify.

I am under the impression that you consider it rude in general to post a photo like the one described in the OP on facebook. Is that correct or am I misinterpreting you?

You said before: "I include people in my newsfeed that I assume will behave in a "reasonable" way." This is why I used the word assumption in my response. You know your friends come from the same culture as you do. You seem pretty certain that showing photos of the deceased is not common in any part of your culture. I believe you. I am not arguing otherwise. You assume (using your own word) that your facebook friends, who you know share your culture, also share your views that photos of the deceased are not acceptable to show publicly. If none of your own friends have posted such photos, then I see no reason to think that your assumption is wrong. However, the OP seemed to assume the same about her friends. The fact that one of those friends posted the photo suggests that this assumption was wrong, unless the friend is known for posting things for their shock value.

If, hypothetically, someone from a culture where it was common to take and share photos of the deceased posted such a photo on facebook, would you consider it rude? Would it still be rude if everyone on that person's friends list was from the same culture? If that person had a facebook friend from another culture, but honestly assumed that their friends shared their view that these photos were normal, would it be rude? If so, then why would that be different than you assuming the same?