Author Topic: Replace a gift that someone else 'stole'?  (Read 8507 times)

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bah12

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Replace a gift that someone else 'stole'?
« on: February 04, 2013, 03:45:23 PM »
DH and I threw a superbowl party yesterday.  One of the guests "Janet" makes amazing cheesecakes and brought DH and I one as a host/hostess gift.  It was a small cake just really big enough for the two of us to share.  Janet handed me the cake when she arrived and after thanking her, I put the cake in our refrigerator.  I didn't tell DH about it immediately, because he was busy with other guests. 

Later, I noticed that the cheesecake was sitting on our kitchen table and had been completely eaten.  Janet was visibly upset.  I asked her what happened and she told me that the guests ate the cake.  DH came in about that time and told us that another guest (a friend of a friend that wasn't on our invite list, but had permission to attend), Robert, came to him and told him that Janet had brought a cheesecake and told him he could have a slice.  DH, at the time, wasn't aware that the cake existed or that it was a gift meant for the two of us.  He was confused why Robert was asking him if it was ok to eat a cake that someone else "said it was ok" for him to have.  Basically, Robert took the cake out of our refrigerator, cut himself a peice, and then left the cake out with the other desserts.  So one or two more guests helped themselves, not knowing the cake wasn't meant to share. Robert's claim was that DH said it was ok.

We had plenty of food and desserts out (though no cheesecake), so there was no reason for Robert to seek out something new.  I'm not even sure how he knew that this chessecake existed except for the possibility that he saw Janet give it to me and me put it away.

There is no question that what Robert did was wrong.  But once we figured out what happened, Janet feels that she "owes" us a new cake.  Of course, I wouldn't turn down the cake (I am disappointed that we didn't get the one that she made), but I also know that Janet works hard throughout the week.  She commented to me (before the cake was stolen) how stressed out she's been and that she doesn't have the time for baking that she would like.  I don't want her to feel obligated to replace this gift, but also don't want her to think that we wouldn't appreciate a replacement.  I told her last night that she didn't have to make another cake and she looked disappointed that I turned her down, so I took another approach and added that I didn't want her to go out of her way to make a new one but that we love her cakes and would always welcome them in our bellies.  And of course, now, I feel like she feels obligated to make us another one.

What's done is done and if Janet brings by a new cake, we'll obviously accept and be thrilled with it.  My question is, could I have handled this differently?  How would I let Janet know that we would always love her cakes but that we don't expect her to replace something when it wasn't her fault that it was gone. 

LeveeWoman

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Re: Replace a gift that someone else 'stole'?
« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2013, 03:56:05 PM »
I'd graciously accept the replacement cake and reconsider ever letting Robert in my door.

otterwoman

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Re: Replace a gift that someone else 'stole'?
« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2013, 03:56:23 PM »
I think you've done everything you can. If she ends up making another cheesecake, you could offer her a delicious dinner and friendly companionship to go along with it.

I'd leave Robert off the guest list in the future.

WillyNilly

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Re: Replace a gift that someone else 'stole'?
« Reply #3 on: February 04, 2013, 03:59:09 PM »
What's done is done and if Janet brings by a new cake, we'll obviously accept and be thrilled with it.  My question is, could I have handled this differently?  How would I let Janet know that we would always love her cakes but that we don't expect her to replace something when it wasn't her fault that it was gone.

I don't know how you could have handled it any better.  You were gracious, you were eager to want a cake but clear about not expecting one.

Robert is the only boor in this story.

JenJay

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Re: Replace a gift that someone else 'stole'?
« Reply #4 on: February 04, 2013, 04:10:11 PM »
I think you've done everything you can. If she ends up making another cheesecake, you could offer her a delicious dinner and friendly companionship to go along with it.

I'd leave Robert off the guest list in the future.

Perfect!

Amava

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Re: Replace a gift that someone else 'stole'?
« Reply #5 on: February 04, 2013, 04:15:56 PM »
It seems pretty obvious from your post that she /wants/ to make you another cheesecake.
She enjoys making them and wants you to have one.
So let her. :) Don't feel bad about accepting something that someone insists on offering.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Replace a gift that someone else 'stole'?
« Reply #6 on: February 04, 2013, 04:18:39 PM »
I've had this happen to my gifted desserts. 

I know it's a gift, but would you be willing to purchase the ingredients needed to make another cheesecake? 


ETA: or what otterwoman said :)

jpcher

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Re: Replace a gift that someone else 'stole'?
« Reply #7 on: February 04, 2013, 06:33:31 PM »
I think you've done everything you can. If she ends up making another cheesecake, you could offer her a delicious dinner and friendly companionship to go along with it.

I'd leave Robert off the guest list in the future.

Perfect!

Perfect!2 ;D

I do think you handled the situation correctly. I don't know what you should/could have done differently.


What on earth was Robert doing looking through your fridge when there was plenty of food on the table? I agree with other posters. Give it a good long think before inviting allowing him into your home again.



mmswm

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Re: Replace a gift that someone else 'stole'?
« Reply #8 on: February 04, 2013, 08:17:02 PM »
I make a killer cheesecake and often bake them as gifts for friends.  If she's anything like me, most of the enjoyment from baking comes from seeing the recipients so happy when they get a chance to eat them. She might have felt rejected, in a sense, when you said she didn't have to bake you a replacement cake.  I think you did fine though.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

Hmmmmm

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Re: Replace a gift that someone else 'stole'?
« Reply #9 on: February 04, 2013, 08:50:16 PM »
Is this typical of Robert? Is it possible that he asked Janet about the cake and she made an off handed comment like "oh, you'll have to try some some time" and he took that to mean now.

It just seems so odd that he knew about it,that he said she could have some, and that she was so upset that it got eaten.  How did she know you and DH hadn't had any or that you guys hadn't meant to put the gift out to share?

I think you handled it as best as you could.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Replace a gift that someone else 'stole'?
« Reply #10 on: February 04, 2013, 09:12:03 PM »
Is this typical of Robert? Is it possible that he asked Janet about the cake and she made an off handed comment like "oh, you'll have to try some some time" and he took that to mean now.

It just seems so odd that he knew about it,that he said she could have some, and that she was so upset that it got eaten.  How did she know you and DH hadn't had any or that you guys hadn't meant to put the gift out to share?

I think you handled it as best as you could.

I agree. Either Robert's behaviour was outrageously rude (in lying about having Janet's permission to have the cake) or something in this story doesn't add up.

Anyway, I think you weren't rude in your response to Janet. I like the idea of inviting her for dinner, if she does end up making a new cake.

Raintree

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Re: Replace a gift that someone else 'stole'?
« Reply #11 on: February 04, 2013, 10:01:42 PM »
Unbelievable that Robert would lie about someone saying he could have some cheesecake. It's like a little kid saying to Daddy, "Mommy said I could" when Mommy said no such thing.


You handled it well. She wanted you to have that cake. Some version of, "We absolutely delight in your cakes and are always eager to receive them, but PLEASE, don't feel obligated if you're busy; it wasn't your fault the cake disappeared."

kudeebee

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Re: Replace a gift that someone else 'stole'?
« Reply #12 on: February 04, 2013, 10:58:15 PM »
Next time you have any sort of get together I would make it clear to the friend who brought Robert that Robert is no longer invited to anything at your house. And if friend asks, tell him why very matter of factly.

JoieGirl7

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Re: Replace a gift that someone else 'stole'?
« Reply #13 on: February 04, 2013, 11:47:22 PM »
It doesnt make sense that Robert lied.

He probably knew about the cheesecake because Janet told him and proably did tell him he should have a slice.  Why else would he go and clear it with the OPs DH?

And Janet seemed to know right away what happened to the cheesecake.

 I don't think anyone did anything wrong here except maybe Janet who must have told Robertt about how wonderful her cheesecakes were and encouraged him to take a slice not considering the consequences.

delabela

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Re: Replace a gift that someone else 'stole'?
« Reply #14 on: February 05, 2013, 12:46:27 AM »
You and Janet handled the situation as best as you could.

(Even if Robert somehow believes he was told he could have some cheesecake, I would still be taken aback that he went in the fridge to get it.  I wouldn't take food out of the fridge of anyone but close friends and family.)