Replace a gift that someone else 'stole'?

[jaxsue]

I love to bake and it's common for people to request that I bring one of my popular desserts to a party. Once in a while the host will say that, due to being busy with hosting duties, my dessert is usually gone before she/he had a chance to have some. So I offer to bring a second, smaller version just for the host.

What I can't fathom is going through someone's fridge, unless the host specifically tells me to get something out of it. I was brought up that way, and it could be that Robert was not raised the same way. Doesn't mean that I give him a pass. He's an adult now, and he's responsible for his actions.

[Scuba_Dog]

I actually find it a little rude that a guest would bring a food item to a party - especially something like a Superbowl party where everyone often brings a little something - and then insists the host hide it in the fridge from the other guests.

I don't understand that at all.  If you were providing all the food for the party, I find it odd she would bring a food item for a hostess gift.  Actually, I find it odd anyone would bring a "hostess gift" to a Superbowl party at all. 

POD. This whole situation is so odd to me, perhaps because I just cannot see getting bent out of shape over a cheesecake, either from Robert's perspective of wanting to eat it or from Janet's perspective of wanting the OP and her DH to eat it.  It's a cheesecake!     I also think it is quite strange to bring food to this type of party and then expect it not to be shared at the party.

I feel the same way. 

[Yvaine]

I actually find it a little rude that a guest would bring a food item to a party - especially something like a Superbowl party where everyone often brings a little something - and then insists the host hide it in the fridge from the other guests.

I don't understand that at all.  If you were providing all the food for the party, I find it odd she would bring a food item for a hostess gift.  Actually, I find it odd anyone would bring a "hostess gift" to a Superbowl party at all. 

POD. This whole situation is so odd to me, perhaps because I just cannot see getting bent out of shape over a cheesecake, either from Robert's perspective of wanting to eat it or from Janet's perspective of wanting the OP and her DH to eat it.  It's a cheesecake!     I also think it is quite strange to bring food to this type of party and then expect it not to be shared at the party.

Actually, don't we talk all the time on here about how a hostess gift need not actually be served at the party, i.e. you don't have to open that bottle of wine someone gave you as a hostess gift? There's a difference between a hostess gift and a dish for potluck, and this was the former.

As for getting "bent out of shape" over cake, I remember the thread also going in that direction last time we had a thread about someone eating someone else's gift cake. The fact that it's cake is kind of a red herring. It's using up someone else's gift, before the recipient has a chance to enjoy it, that's the issue, no matter what form the gift takes.

[TurtleDove]

Actually, don't we talk all the time on here about how a hostess gift need not actually be served at the party, i.e. you don't have to open that bottle of wine someone gave you as a hostess gift? There's a difference between a hostess gift and a dish for potluck, and this was the former.

For me it is strange because it is a Super Bowl Party, which in my experience is not at all like a formal dinner party - more of a smorgasboard or potluck type feel, regardless of who supplied the food.  That's why I find it strange in this instance (and why I said, "I also think it is quite strange to bring food to this type of party and then expect it not to be shared at the party.") Otherwise I agree with you!

[KarenK]

I actually find it a little rude that a guest would bring a food item to a party - especially something like a Superbowl party where everyone often brings a little something - and then insists the host hide it in the fridge from the other guests.

I don't understand that at all.  If you were providing all the food for the party, I find it odd she would bring a food item for a hostess gift.  Actually, I find it odd anyone would bring a "hostess gift" to a Superbowl party at all. 

POD. This whole situation is so odd to me, perhaps because I just cannot see getting bent out of shape over a cheesecake, either from Robert's perspective of wanting to eat it or from Janet's perspective of wanting the OP and her DH to eat it.  It's a cheesecake!     I also think it is quite strange to bring food to this type of party and then expect it not to be shared at the party.

Actually, don't we talk all the time on here about how a hostess gift need not actually be served at the party, i.e. you don't have to open that bottle of wine someone gave you as a hostess gift? There's a difference between a hostess gift and a dish for potluck, and this was the former.

As for getting "bent out of shape" over cake, I remember the thread also going in that direction last time we had a thread about someone eating someone else's gift cake. The fact that it's cake is kind of a red herring. It's using up someone else's gift, before the recipient has a chance to enjoy it, that's the issue, no matter what form the gift takes.

POD Yvaine. I understand wanting to think the best of people who may inadvertently commit gauche acts, but by the same token, I don't agree with casting aspersions on innocent parties to accomplish this. Janet made the OP a lovely cheesecake as a hostess gift. There is no possible way to spin that so that either Janet or OP is at fault at all. The only behavior in question here is Robert's.

[bah12]

Actually, don't we talk all the time on here about how a hostess gift need not actually be served at the party, i.e. you don't have to open that bottle of wine someone gave you as a hostess gift? There's a difference between a hostess gift and a dish for potluck, and this was the former.

For me it is strange because it is a Super Bowl Party, which in my experience is not at all like a formal dinner party - more of a smorgasboard or potluck type feel, regardless of who supplied the food.  That's why I find it strange in this instance (and why I said, "I also think it is quite strange to bring food to this type of party and then expect it not to be shared at the party.") Otherwise I agree with you!

She makes delicious cheesecakes...everyone loves her cheesecakes and she brought a small cake for me and DH as a thank you for throwing a party and providing all the food and drinks. If you want to think she's strange and/or rude to do so, go ahead.  She's a good friend and I find no fault in her for doing so.

As for Robert, like I said, it doesn't matter to me what his motivations were, innocent or otherwise, for going into my refrigerator and taking the cake out.  I'm not going to prosecute him.  I don't know him to invite or not invite to future parties.  I may be disappointed that I didn't get the cake that Janet made, but that's pretty much where it ends for me.  My question was how to communicate to Janet that I want her cake without making her feel obligated to go to the extra time and expense to replace the cake....and many people have answered that wonderfully. 

While I see no values in the theories of how Robert may have been innocent, I don't mind them being thrown out there.  It doesn't change anything because we were never going to 'punish' Robert to begin with. I would even let him come to a future party if his friend asks to bring him again. As a matter of fact, I didn't even tell the guy that brought him what happened.  It's done.

[BabyMama]

Some people want their cake and they want it NOW, even if it's not theirs. Some people get really weird about food.

Like Jim Harbaugh.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zce-QT7MGSE&list=UU67f2Qf7FYhtoUIF4Sf29cA&index=3

[crella]

That's funny!

[EnoughAlready22]

Some people want their cake and they want it NOW, even if it's not theirs. Some people get really weird about food.

Like Jim Harbaugh.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zce-QT7MGSE&list=UU67f2Qf7FYhtoUIF4Sf29cA&index=3

That is hilarious! I'm laughing so hard I'm crying.

[Mikayla]

Actually, don't we talk all the time on here about how a hostess gift need not actually be served at the party, i.e. you don't have to open that bottle of wine someone gave you as a hostess gift? There's a difference between a hostess gift and a dish for potluck, and this was the former.

For me it is strange because it is a Super Bowl Party, which in my experience is not at all like a formal dinner party - more of a smorgasboard or potluck type feel, regardless of who supplied the food.  That's why I find it strange in this instance (and why I said, "I also think it is quite strange to bring food to this type of party and then expect it not to be shared at the party.") Otherwise I agree with you!

I'm in the middle.  I don't think it's ever strange or wrong to bring a hostess gift (meant only for the hosts), but if I was doing this at a party, I would not have presented it in front of the guests.  That's where this whole thing started going south. 

But, imo, none of this excuses Robert's actions.  Hers were a minor execution flaw.

[DottyG]

OT, but watch the "Shadow Pico" video from BadLipReading as well!

[turnip]

Actually, don't we talk all the time on here about how a hostess gift need not actually be served at the party, i.e. you don't have to open that bottle of wine someone gave you as a hostess gift? There's a difference between a hostess gift and a dish for potluck, and this was the former.

For me it is strange because it is a Super Bowl Party, which in my experience is not at all like a formal dinner party - more of a smorgasboard or potluck type feel, regardless of who supplied the food.  That's why I find it strange in this instance (and why I said, "I also think it is quite strange to bring food to this type of party and then expect it not to be shared at the party.") Otherwise I agree with you!

I agree with this too - obviously I've never been to the OP's house for a party, but at the super bowl parties I've gone to it would be incredibly difficult to bring a cheesecake and delineate it in such a way that the guests would know not to eat it.   I'd have put it out in the garage or something until the party was over.

So having said that, if I were the OP, I'd tell Janet that _of_course_ she doesn't need to make another cake - it was so lovely that she brought one and I'm just glad my guests got to enjoy it.   I'd give her a big smile and a hug and thank you and tell her to not worry about it for another moment.  No one is allowed to be unhappy over cheesecake!

[bah12]

It blows my mind that in this whole scenario, anyone would conclude that Janet is the rude one for bringing the cheesecake to begin with.  Or that bringing a host/hostess gift to a casual party is somehow uncouth.

I'm all about giving Robert the benefit of the doubt (and we have dropped it), but not at the expense of accusing someone who did a kind thing of being rude. 

[TurtleDove]

It blows my mind that in this whole scenario, anyone would conclude that Janet is the rude one for bringing the cheesecake to begin with.  Or that bringing a host/hostess gift to a casual party is somehow uncouth.
 

That isn't what we are saying.  We are saying that to bring it and expect it to not be shared at the party is striking some of us as odd. 

[bah12]

It blows my mind that in this whole scenario, anyone would conclude that Janet is the rude one for bringing the cheesecake to begin with.  Or that bringing a host/hostess gift to a casual party is somehow uncouth.
 

That isn't what we are saying.  We are saying that to bring it and expect it to not be shared at the party is striking some of us as odd.

Why?  You've never given someone a bottle of wine that they didn't open at the party? This cheesecake was big enough for only two people to share over a dessert.  Not a large cake that would feed us for weeks.  She made the cheesecake for us because this particular one (that she's made in the past) is our favorite and she wanted to thank us for having everyone over and providing all the food/drinks (instead of the normal superbowl potlucks our friends are used to attending).
 I've brought a hostess a single cupcake (from her favorite bakery) before as a thank you for hosting a casual party.  How is it odd to think whe wouldn't set it out to "share" with everyone else?

Of all the strange and surprising stances I've seen to things on this board, this "takes the cake."