Replace a gift that someone else 'stole'?

[Perfect Circle]

I don't think there's anything strange about it.

I would happily accept the cheesecake and enjoy every morsel of it. I'd also never invite Robert again and would seriously consider doing the same to the person who brought him over uninvited.

[TurtleDove]

Why? 

I think we've been pretty clear why we think that.  You obviously disagree.  My opinion is that it was odd to present a food item in front of other quests at a super bowl party and expect it not to be assumed that it was for consumption at the party.  My opinion has to do with the specifics of the OP, not hostess gifts in general.

[bah12]

I don't think there's anything strange about it.

I would happily accept the cheesecake and enjoy every morsel of it. I'd also never invite Robert again and would seriously consider doing the same to the person who brought him over uninvited.

Well, to be clear, the person that brought him over did ask us if it was ok first....and a few days before the party. 

[bah12]

Why? 

I think we've been pretty clear why we think that.  You obviously disagree.  My opinion is that it was odd to present a food item in front of other quests at a super bowl party and expect it not to be assumed that it was for consumption at the party.  My opinion has to do with the specifics of the OP, not hostess gifts in general.

Yes, I disagree....and even more so, I think it's strange that just because someone sees one guest hand a box to another guest, that it would be ok to go into their refrigerator (where no food and drinks for the party were kept) and take it because I "assumed" it must have been for me too.

Seriously...I met Janet at the door.  I took her purse and a box out of her hand.  She said "Here, I made yo and your DH your favorite cheesecake.  Enjoy!"  She didn't exactly make an announcement "Hey Everyone!  Here's a cheesecake that I'm giving Bah...just so you know."

[Perfect Circle]

I don't think there's anything strange about it.

I would happily accept the cheesecake and enjoy every morsel of it. I'd also never invite Robert again and would seriously consider doing the same to the person who brought him over uninvited.

Well, to be clear, the person that brought him over did ask us if it was ok first....and a few days before the party.

I'm sorry I'd missed that before. So you can safely invite that person, he just can't bring the cheesecake stealer again ;-)

[Scuba_Dog]

Why? 

I think we've been pretty clear why we think that.  You obviously disagree.  My opinion is that it was odd to present a food item in front of other quests at a super bowl party and expect it not to be assumed that it was for consumption at the party.  My opinion has to do with the specifics of the OP, not hostess gifts in general.

I also agree with TD's opinion, for the same reason she explains.  I don't think Janet was rude - I just find it easier to understand why the cheesecake was eaten in this scenario.

[DottyG]

I see TurtleDove and Scuba_Dog's point.  It does make it easier to understand what might have happened.

[Lynn2000]

Why? 

I think we've been pretty clear why we think that.  You obviously disagree.  My opinion is that it was odd to present a food item in front of other quests at a super bowl party and expect it not to be assumed that it was for consumption at the party.  My opinion has to do with the specifics of the OP, not hostess gifts in general.

I also agree with TD's opinion, for the same reason she explains.  I don't think Janet was rude - I just find it easier to understand why the cheesecake was eaten in this scenario.

It strikes me as a tad bit odd as well. Again, not calling Janet rude, or saying her actions are extremely weird, or anything like that. I think bringing gifts of food to a party, which are not meant to be shared at the party, has the potential to cause some confusion among the other guests. However, a polite guest would keep that confusion to themselves, and eat what was clearly set out by the hosts, and not ask for something additional (barring extreme circumstances). Even if Robert was genuinely confused/clueless, I still think he showed greed by asking for something that hadn't (yet, in his mind) been set out for everyone. Even if the OP fully intended to serve the cheesecake to everyone at some point, he was still angling to get the first piece with some kind of insider knowledge, to the point of taking it out of the OP's fridge unsupervised and cutting himself a piece. That's just way too pushy for a party at which plenty of other food that he can eat has been laid out.

[JenJay]

Whereas if I was at a party and saw, in the refrigerator, a small food item obviously intended to serve only two people, I'd never imagine it was intended to be served to everyone. How would you even serve it? With those tiny sampling spoons they use at ice cream parlors? 

I could see the confusion if Janet set it on the counter but she handed it directly to bah who put it directly into the fridge. The only way a guest could have even known it existed was if they either saw Janet give it to bah (which means they also overheard Janet say it was for bah and her DH) or went looking in bah's fridge without permission.

[TootsNYC]

Robert had to have seen Janet give it to me to even know that it was in the refrigerator. 

Not necessarily--he may have been rummaging.

And he could have mentioned the box, or the cake, and if anyone else there knew about the cheesecake, they might have said it was probably Janet's.

But yeah, I don't think there's any reason to think that either Janet or your DH were lying.

[artk2002]

I see TurtleDove and Scuba_Dog's point.  It does make it easier to understand what might have happened.

Easier to understand, perhaps. But Robert is still entirely in the wrong. Sadly, what I'm reading in TD's and other similar posts sounds like an attempt to absolve Robert because the situation was somehow out of the norm. Janet could have brought the cake in with flashing lights and announced its delivery with a bull horn and Robert would still be wrong.

Janet: Not wrong in any way, shape or form.
Robert: Entirely wrong.

[bah12]

I see TurtleDove and Scuba_Dog's point.  It does make it easier to understand what might have happened.

Easier to understand, perhaps. But Robert is still entirely in the wrong. Sadly, what I'm reading in TD's and other similar posts sounds like an attempt to absolve Robert because the situation was somehow out of the norm. Janet could have brought the cake in with flashing lights and announced its delivery with a bull horn and Robert would still be wrong.

Janet: Not wrong in any way, shape or form.
Robert: Entirely wrong.

And to me, it doesn't even matter how wrong Robert is.  If I wanted to say something to Robert, or decided not to invite him to a party again, or I don't know, press charges for stealing cheesecake, it would be one thing.  I think it's totally fine to think "maybe Robert took it innocently." 

But, to say that Janet shouldn't have brought the cake (or it was strange to), or that I should have just put it out to begin with, or even that somehow my DH was lying (which is absurd) is just crazy. 

I know a lot of people have weird hang ups about food that I don't understand.  But, I have never attended a party where I paid too much attention to what guests handed the hosts when they walk through the door, and I certainly never go rummaging through their kitchen looking for food that wasn't put out.  And even if I notice that someone brings food (or any gift) to host, I still don't jump to the conclusion that it must be for me too...and that if the host didn't put it out with everything else, I have some right/obligation to go find it. 

But, even saying all that...it doesn't matter.  Because Robert's part is over.  Until he somehow ends up at my house again and does something like this again, it just doesn't matter.  What does matter is Janet.  And she is not wrong, strange, weird, or odd in any way to give me a gift that I absolutely love for any reason or in any setting.