Canceling Plans

[msulinski]

A group of acquantences and I have been planning to have a Mead Tasting for some time. We all went in together to purchase some hard-to-find stuff. It has been difficult finding time to do this, but we finally agreed on Feb 10. It took a lot of planning for me, as I was possibly going to host, so my wife was planning on taking the kids and the dogs to her parents' house.

Anyway, the organizer, who is a bit immature, called yesterday and indicated that he would have to cancel, as he was not getting back from his extended road trip until Friday night. At that point, he thought the tasting was on Friday. I corrected him, and indicated that it was Saturday. He hemmed and hawed a bit, but then said he still wouldn't be able to make it because he would be too tired.

It has taken 6 months just to get to the point where we could all agree on a date. I turned down 2 other invites for the same weekend. My wife is going out-of-town for no good reason now.

I am unsure how much of a stink to make of this. I suspect I am not the only one frustrated by this whole thing. In theory, if he feels bad enough, he could still easily attend the event this weekend. I am tempted to just ask if anyone wants to buy out my share so I can be done with this mess. Would it be rude to effectively call him out and ask about someone buying me out (assuming they have a friend who would want in)?

[charlatan]

Are you the host? Can the rest of you carry on the tasting without the organizer being present? You could find out if everyone else still wanted to go ahead with it, and if so, tell the organizer that the rest of you will be attending with or without him.

Has he already paid for his portion? Is he holding onto any of the bottles?

[msulinski]

Are you the host? Can the rest of you carry on the tasting without the organizer being present? You could find out if everyone else still wanted to go ahead with it, and if so, tell the organizer that the rest of you will be attending with or without him.

Has he already paid for his portion? Is he holding onto any of the bottles?

I am not even sure if I would be the host yet. This is just another example of the poor planning. However, with my wife and kids and dogs out of the house, I can easily host at the last minute if need be. Unfortunately, the organizer has all of the bottles.

[charlatan]

Hmm - him having all the bottles could be a problem. Did he specifically say he wanted to reschedule? Perhaps you could see if he'd be willing to just forfeit his participation/money since he's the one wrecking everyone's planned activity.

[Hmmmmm]

I think you contact the other participants and ask their preference on rescheduling to another date or going ahead without the guy who has decided he can't be there on Saturday.

If the majority want to go ahead, contact this guy and let me know you guys are going ahead as planned, you'll be by to pick up the bottles, and you'll drop off is portion of the cost after you collect from the other participants.

[Lynn2000]

Well, one thing you can do is try to take charge, since the organizer (who didn't do much organizing, it seems) is dropping out. I would email everyone, including the drop-out, and say, "Since we've been planning this for six months and the time is getting close, we need to hammer out a few final details. I volunteer to host the event at my house [address, date, time]. Joe is now unable to make it, but he has all the bottles; Joe, since you'll be out of town during the party, can you arrange for someone to bring the bottles to me on [date before Joe leaves town]? For everyone else, please get back to me ASAP and confirm you'll be attending." Or whatever is relevant for your situation.

[JenJay]

I think you contact the other participants and ask their preference on rescheduling to another date or going ahead without the guy who has decided he can't be there on Saturday.

If the majority want to go ahead, contact this guy and let me know you guys are going ahead as planned, you'll be by to pick up the bottles, and you'll drop off is portion of the cost after you collect from the other participants.

I agree! And if everyone else wants to reschedule then have them buy you out and either join your wife and kids or enjoy having the house to yourself for the weekend. 

[WillyNilly]

Joe drank the mead and thought he could replace it before this weekend but failed.

[Melxb]

Joe drank the mead and thought he could replace it before this weekend but failed.

Yup, I believe that too.  First thing I'd do is get the word out that Joe will not be making it to the meet up, make other plans to host because this is now an emergency, and then get the stuff to make the mead.

[Deetee]

Well, one thing you can do is try to take charge, since the organizer (who didn't do much organizing, it seems) is dropping out. I would email everyone, including the drop-out, and say, "Since we've been planning this for six months and the time is getting close, we need to hammer out a few final details. I volunteer to host the event at my house [address, date, time]. Joe is now unable to make it, but he has all the bottles; Joe, since you'll might be out of town during the party, I'll come pick up the bottles [b]can you arrange for someone to bring the bottles to me on [/b] [date before Joe leaves town]? For everyone else, please get back to me ASAP and confirm you'll be attending." Or whatever is relevant for your situation.

This is absolutely what I would do. I would step up and (attempt to) organise the whole thing. The "organisers" excuse is pathetic and I just would not dignify it with any respect or real response. I would not ask the organiser to do anything but make the bottles available. I often find it can be easier to just take care of things myself so I don't need to worry about anyone else dropping the ball.


Generally I find people are pretty grateful to be told a time/place and date. If people don't RSVP etc.. then I would back off and not help with this event anymore (though I may invite a few closer people over for a simple wine tasting or poker game)

[buvezdevin]

Joe drank the mead and thought he could replace it before this weekend but failed.

That's what I am thinking.

As Joe is holding (or has consumed) the goods bought with group funds, I would suggest telling him you need him to either bring the group-owned goods prior to the group-agreed date, or he can pay back your portion of the group costs. 

[JenJay]

Joe drank the mead and thought he could replace it before this weekend but failed.

Doh! I hadn't thought of that.

Msulinski, if the rest of your group is still up for the tasting I'd call him back and say "I've already made arrangements to host the party at my house and everyone is planning on coming. I hope you'll be feeling up to joining us but if not we can buy out your share or leave a portion with you. I can swing by and pick up our shares either Friday evening between 6 and 9pm or Saturday between 11am and 3pm, what works for you?"

[doodlemor]

Joe drank the mead and thought he could replace it before this weekend but failed.

I'm afraid that this is the only explanation that makes sense, with his reluctance to get together with the group.

I think that you need to be proactive here, or he will just keep giving excuses, hoping that you all will forget about it and he won't have to replace the mead or repay his friends.

I like the idea of telling him that you are coming by to pick up the mead, and maybe you could take another group member or 2 to "help."  It would be harder for him to lie if there are more people involved. 

At some point, you are likely going to have to ask him outright if he drank the stuff.  Then the group will have to decide if they want payment, or for him to replace the mead.

[msulinski]

Thanks for the advice. I am probably going to offer to host the event at my house this weekend, assuming everyone else is still up for it.

I really don't think he drank it though, as it was a one-off release, and we would have little, if any chance, of ever replacing it.

[DollyPond]

it was a one-off release, and we would have little, if any chance, of ever replacing it.

Which is precisely why he may be trying to get out of actually having a meet up.