Author Topic: Who's Ticket Should I Cover?  (Read 2977 times)

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WillyNilly

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Re: Who's Ticket Should I Cover?
« Reply #15 on: February 05, 2013, 01:50:29 PM »
I don't think it was Emma inviting herself in the traditional sense because this is an event that Melanie is inviting all to, and that you and Jan are being open about attending, and that you yourself say you would have enjoyed attending in the past if other co-workers were going to.  It was hardly a private outing kept quiet by you and Jan.  Emma asking to go with you was akin to her walking up to your lunch table in the company cafeteria and saying "hi, can I sit with you?"

She wasn't inviting herself over to your house for dinner (which would be rude), she was asking to attend an open event along side you.

This clarification makes more sense and your delivery is much more appreciated. In fact, I find myself more on the fence now. Thank you for wording things this way.


I apologize for my initial harshness.  Because this was how I was thinking of it I was getting a real "mean girl" and "wielding etiquette as a weapon" vibe from your initial post.  Emma was invited by Melanie and heard you and Jan were going and wanted to go along with you all.  To me that's such a friendly overture on Emma's part, like "oh hey we're all going the same place, lets all go together!",  it really came across as nasty to me for you to seemingly be snickering behind her back at her apparent ignorance of social graces.  For you to take an "of course this was rude of Emma!" stance just came across as cruel and cliquish to me and really got my hackles up.

DaDancingPsych

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Re: Who's Ticket Should I Cover?
« Reply #16 on: February 05, 2013, 02:00:53 PM »
I don't think it was Emma inviting herself in the traditional sense because this is an event that Melanie is inviting all to, and that you and Jan are being open about attending, and that you yourself say you would have enjoyed attending in the past if other co-workers were going to.  It was hardly a private outing kept quiet by you and Jan.  Emma asking to go with you was akin to her walking up to your lunch table in the company cafeteria and saying "hi, can I sit with you?"

She wasn't inviting herself over to your house for dinner (which would be rude), she was asking to attend an open event along side you.

This clarification makes more sense and your delivery is much more appreciated. In fact, I find myself more on the fence now. Thank you for wording things this way.


I apologize for my initial harshness.  Because this was how I was thinking of it I was getting a real "mean girl" and "wielding etiquette as a weapon" vibe from your initial post.  Emma was invited by Melanie and heard you and Jan were going and wanted to go along with you all.  To me that's such a friendly overture on Emma's part, like "oh hey we're all going the same place, lets all go together!",  it really came across as nasty to me for you to seemingly be snickering behind her back at her apparent ignorance of social graces.  For you to take an "of course this was rude of Emma!" stance just came across as cruel and cliquish to me and really got my hackles up.

Oh dear! That is certainly not my intentions and I feel terrible that I came across that way. I think the "of course that's rude" was meant mainly to steer readers to my real question... "who should I pay for?". But in my mind, the tone was more lighthearted. For what it's worth, there's no clique or snickering behind anyone's back. Jan and I are building a lovely friendship that will likely outlast our employment there, but we are certainly not discluding anyone. The reality of the situation is that Emma is good friends with a fourth coworker "Lily", so Jan and I are not the only little friendship that has blossomed. I really don't think we have a "mean girls" situation going on, but I suppose it never hurts to step back and ensure that we don't appear to be that way!!!

audrey1962

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Re: Who's Ticket Should I Cover?
« Reply #17 on: February 05, 2013, 02:01:26 PM »
So, my etiquette question involves tickets. If Emma ends up joining us, do I need to offer to pay her ticket?

No, you do not have to buy Emma's ticket.

This sort of situation is similar to my workplace, which often offers discounted baseball tickets to all employees. Co-workers then go around and ask, "are you going? Can I sit next to you?" Other times co-workers even say to others, "Susie and I are going. Do you want to join us?" It's just a fun, informal event that we're all invited to.

Emma most likely has no idea you are buying Jan's ticket.

WillyNilly

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Re: Who's Ticket Should I Cover?
« Reply #18 on: February 05, 2013, 02:18:00 PM »
I don't think it was Emma inviting herself in the traditional sense because this is an event that Melanie is inviting all to, and that you and Jan are being open about attending, and that you yourself say you would have enjoyed attending in the past if other co-workers were going to.  It was hardly a private outing kept quiet by you and Jan.  Emma asking to go with you was akin to her walking up to your lunch table in the company cafeteria and saying "hi, can I sit with you?"

She wasn't inviting herself over to your house for dinner (which would be rude), she was asking to attend an open event along side you.

This clarification makes more sense and your delivery is much more appreciated. In fact, I find myself more on the fence now. Thank you for wording things this way.


I apologize for my initial harshness.  Because this was how I was thinking of it I was getting a real "mean girl" and "wielding etiquette as a weapon" vibe from your initial post.  Emma was invited by Melanie and heard you and Jan were going and wanted to go along with you all.  To me that's such a friendly overture on Emma's part, like "oh hey we're all going the same place, lets all go together!",  it really came across as nasty to me for you to seemingly be snickering behind her back at her apparent ignorance of social graces.  For you to take an "of course this was rude of Emma!" stance just came across as cruel and cliquish to me and really got my hackles up.

Oh dear! That is certainly not my intentions and I feel terrible that I came across that way. I think the "of course that's rude" was meant mainly to steer readers to my real question... "who should I pay for?". But in my mind, the tone was more lighthearted. For what it's worth, there's no clique or snickering behind anyone's back. Jan and I are building a lovely friendship that will likely outlast our employment there, but we are certainly not discluding anyone. The reality of the situation is that Emma is good friends with a fourth coworker "Lily", so Jan and I are not the only little friendship that has blossomed. I really don't think we have a "mean girls" situation going on, but I suppose it never hurts to step back and ensure that we don't appear to be that way!!!

So we both misunderstood  :)
It happens.  I'm glad you don't really think that way (I was shocked to be honest, I've read your posts before).  It is always good to get outside perspective (because Emma might have taken the whole "let me ask Jan" thing weirdly).

YummyMummy66

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Re: Who's Ticket Should I Cover?
« Reply #19 on: February 05, 2013, 07:05:35 PM »
You only purchase a ticket for you and Jan.  You tell Emma that the ticket will cost this much and that you need the money by this date.  If she says she will be pay you back, say, "I am sorry. That will not be possible.  I will need your share in order to purchase your ticket for you". 

DaDancingPsych

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Re: Who's Ticket Should I Cover?
« Reply #20 on: February 06, 2013, 11:31:56 AM »
Thanks everyone for your perspectives! It appears that things are not going to work out for Emma to join us, but I appreciate knowing how to handle paying if this situation should ever occur again. However I have decided that the next time Melanie has a concert that I will attempt to organize a group outing!

Thank you!!!

audrey1962

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Re: Who's Ticket Should I Cover?
« Reply #21 on: February 06, 2013, 11:55:32 AM »
I have decided that the next time Melanie has a concert that I will attempt to organize a group outing!

That's a really great idea! I hope you have a great time at the concert.