General Etiquette > Life...in general

Friend does not get "ladies only"

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PennyandPleased:
I’ve posted before about my friend “Sarah” who, when invited to a “girls night”, always brought her (male) fiancé. No matter how blunt I have told her “no men allowed at girls night” she shows up with him.
 
I should add that Sarah is not friends with any of the other girls who are in my group of friends, she just knows me, although she is facebook friends with most of them.
 
Since the incident at my house where we did a girls night in and she brought him, I have given her 2 more chances to come to our girls night and she brought the fiancé. One was at my house, the other at a restaurant. The 2 events were in the same week and I had invited her ahead of time and again told her outright “no significant others/men were invited”. She would always say “okay sounds great” as if she understood that it was ladies only and then showed up with him.
 
At these girls events Sarah and her fiancé seemed 100% oblivious to the fact that none of the other women brought their significant others and she never said a word about it. After these two recent events she would text me the next day and gush about how much fun she had and how she loved hanging out with us etc. I didn’t respond to the text after the first event but after the second I responded with “I am glad that you had a great time, but we wish we could have kept it ladies only though. We don’t invite our husbands and boyfriends to our girls nights” She responded back with “I can’t wait to go back to that restaurant, it was delicious”.
 
After the last offense the other women at the event were pretty peeved that Sarah had brought her fiancé and I agreed. Since then we have not been inviting her out with us. (We do a girls ‘thing’ about 3 -5 times per month). Thanks to the evil’s of facebook it usually gets made public that we are all out together.
 
Last night one of the girls posted a group photo of us out over the weekend. This morning Sarah texted me: “Oh did you all go to “Fancy Bar”? I wish I could have come, I heard it is a great place. I had so much fun the last time we all went out. Let me know next time you go out, you all seem to go out often. I love hanging out with your friends, I miss having girlfriends close by”.
 
I don’t know how to respond or handle this situation. There are 12 of us total that go out and do our girls night – 10 of those women are married/engaged/have a boyfriend. It’s never an issue for them to make it out without the men folk. I do really like Sarah and like hanging out with her and her fiancé very much. But my friends and I have been doing our girls nights since high school/college and it’s a wonderful time and I don’t feel like we should have to compromise that for one person.
 
I have not responded to Sarah yet and I do not know how. Thoughts? Help?

Two Ravens:
Maybe you could say, "Oh, Sarah, we were all having a girls night, no men allowed! We know how you don't like to  go out without Bob. But I'll let you know the next time we have a couples night."

Perhaps that would give her the chance to say she can leave Bob at home.

lowspark:
I have no problem with honesty. It's not rude to tell someone the truth, it's only rude if you say it, well, rudely.

Sarah, I'd love to invite you to girls' night out as I have in the past but since you don't respect the fact that they are specifically "ladies only" the group has decided that they are no longer comfortable with me inviting you. Maybe we can go to “Fancy Bar” together with the guys sometime. Please feel free to organize that as I'd love to join you!

Black Delphinium:
Offer to pick her up, then only unlock the one car door?  >:D

WillyNilly:
I think you need to be blunt with her "Sarah, you won't be invited again.  While we really like you, when we have 'girls nights' it means girls only.  I've spoken to you about this before, and yet you have consistently brought your fiance.  He is not a female, and while he's a nice enough guy, he is not welcome.  Since you can't respect our plans we cannot include you."

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