General Etiquette > Life...in general

Friend does not get "ladies only"

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Deetee:
If she is close enough, I vote for blunt.However, it sounds like you have been clear with the invites and the follow up so you would need to go with sledgehammer blunt.  "Sarah, when we get together it is girl's night only. You brought your fiance to the last three girls nights events, even when I told you before and after the event that we don't do that. We like to get together with just us girls and none of our significant others. As you don't like to come out by yourself we have stopped inviting you to these events."

But, if I wasn't close, I would just stop inviting her to the girls event and invite to the other events. You could also say "Oh that bar? Yes, that was a girl's night and I know you don't like those as you want to be with your fiance. We'll let you know if  we go as a group with boys."

Basically make it clear that it isn't that you don't invite her as that she did not accept the invitation as offered.

Outdoor Girl:
'Sarah, on three separate occasions, I invited you to a Ladies Night, specifically telling you that men were not welcome.  On all three of those occasions, you brought your fiance.  As a result, you are no longer being invited to any Ladies Night events.  If you want to go out with us on those nights, you must leave your fiance at home.  No ifs, ands or buts.  Or you can organize your own event and invite whomever you please.  I'd be happy to go out with you and your fiance any time.  Just not when it is Ladies Night.'

I don't see anything wrong with being blunt with the clueless.  You don't want to exclude her; she's excluding herself by her actions.

Lynn2000:
I like Two Ravens's wording. That seems like a very tactful way to handle it.

Since you've mentioned to Sarah directly that bringing Bob to ladies-only events is unwanted, I think you could say to her more bluntly, "You brought Bob to girls' nights three times even though I asked you not to. We couldn't be sure you wouldn't bring him again, therefore, we haven't invited you to these events." Honestly, if she has ignored invitation wording and follow-ups so blithely, it seems to me that this isn't a case of cluelessness but rather deliberately doing what she shouldn't. I'm sure we will all start to speculate on why quite soon. ;) But regardless of the reason I think your decision to stop inviting her was correct, and I see no reason not to lay that out for her, since she is asking for future invitations. Action, consequences.

bah12:
I don't think you need to handle this.  You aren't required to invite everyone to everything.  She's only friends with you and doesn't seem to understand/care/acknowledge that she's doing something that the rest of you asked her, repeatedly, not to do.  So, continue to not invite her to girls' night and don't answer her when she says to let her know 'next time.'

If she ever asks "why aren't you inviting me?" Then, yes, tell her the truth.  "We dont' invite you because you keep bringing your fiance to girls' night.  He's not invited and we asked you not to bring repeatedly, but you do it anyway."

siamesecat2965:

--- Quote from: bah12 on February 06, 2013, 12:14:17 PM ---I don't think you need to handle this.  You aren't required to invite everyone to everything.  She's only friends with you and doesn't seem to understand/care/acknowledge that she's doing something that the rest of you asked her, repeatedly, not to do.  So, continue to not invite her to girls' night and don't answer her when she says to let her know 'next time.'

If she ever asks "why aren't you inviting me?" Then, yes, tell her the truth.  "We dont' invite you because you keep bringing your fiance to girls' night.  He's not invited and we asked you not to bring repeatedly, but you do it anyway."

--- End quote ---

I like this approach. she hasn't yet asked why she wasn't invited, only commented that she'd love to go to fancy far, and how much she enjoys hanging out with the group. I'd only bring it up and be blunt if she specifically asks why you don't invite her out anymore. But for now, I'd let it be.

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