The Awkward Guest

[Roe]

Yep, I agree with PP's...taken individually, she's a bad guest and one I wouldn't invite over again.

[Margo]

I agree with PPs 3 & 5 would each, alone, be enough on their own to ask her to leave!

You mentioned that this was a couple of years ago - what did you do? Did ever invite her to anything again?

[auntmeegs]

Was she drunk? 
Not that that would excuse her behavior but she sounds like one of those people that gets belligerent when she's had a few too many. 

[LadyR]

Was she drunk? 
Not that that would excuse her behavior but she sounds like one of those people that gets belligerent when she's had a few too many.

Nope, stone cold sober. She doesn't really drink, actually, which is a good thing, as she has no filter while sober, I can't even imagine her drunk.

I agree with PPs 3 & 5 would each, alone, be enough on their own to ask her to leave!

You mentioned that this was a couple of years ago - what did you do? Did ever invite her to anything again?

No, I haven't. She attended a join graduation party for me and a friend, that was at friend's house and she was fine. I haven't had them here since, though and honestly, the next oppertunity would be the low-key BBQ we plan to introduce our friends to our second son, but obviously, I'd be nursing again and I'm not sure I want to deal with that.

2 and 4 are very typical of Nora, as she has no social filter, really. I don't think she is aware that either of those things (speaking about events where people present aren't invited, helping yourself to left overs after what is basically a pot luck) aren't ok. As for 3, Nora has a strange hatred for breasts. She has commented multiple times that they freak her out, she finds bikinis and low cut tops "gross" as well. I definitely didn't appreciate her calling me nursing my son "gross" though. 1 is more of her being clueless (and the least serious of her offenses). But 5 really upset me. As I said Nora has met my mother twice. Now, she'd probably heard some of the more extreme stories of my mom and my mom dislikes Nick, which I know she is aware of, but it was still completely out of line.

Just curious though, how did the other couple(s?) who actually WERE going to be invited to her upcoming birthday party react to her talking about it at your house?

They were uncomfortable, my friend Cara is the one who kept trying to change the subject (her birthday party was also a pot luck, btw, which is how the subject came up, she was telling Cara to make the same dish she'd made for Turkey Day).

[Cami]

Nora wasn't awkward, she was insulting and belligerent. I don't care how little of a filter you have, you don't insult someone's mother. 

[Editeer]

Even if your mother were the Wicked Witch of the West, it would be totally inappropriate for Nora to speak badly of her to you.

[magician5]

As I said, individually, nothing she did is that bad, but together they definitely rubbed me the wrong way.

Then you're a much more tolerant person than I am.

Lose Nora. If you have to lose Nick along with her, that's just too bad.

[hobish]

How could you consider someone feeding a baby "disgusting"? Goodness knows, if you look at where your own food comes from, it's probably worse.

Can we not start this? It never ends well. Anyone answering it would be just begging to get the thread locked. 

[hobish]

I have to agree with previous posters that Nora would not be welcome in my home again; but as she is the fiance of a good friend i am guessing that is not a good option. Is Nick even a little aware of how obnoxious she is? Could a quiet word be had about it?  I'm trying to think how that would even work and i just don't know. There is only one person i have ever told people, "Don't bring him to my house. I know inviting 2 people is like inviting 6 people sometimes, and that's cool; but i really don't like him." I never heard any drama blowback, and no one has brought him to my house; but he also is more of a fringe friend, not a longtime friend's fiance. That really is a pickle.

[VorFemme]

Any one of the stunts that she's pulled would be enough to seriously think about having her back a second time.  Any two of them would make a third visit unlikely (unless married to a close relative).  Nick is NOT a relative and is an ex-BF of some sort (the OP mentions a fling that they had that had her mother being chilly but apparently cordial to Nick at the OP's wedding to someone else).

I'd suggest telling Nick that Nora just doesn't seem to enjoy her visits to your house and you'll miss seeing him but you just can't put someone to so much trouble to come see you all when she doesn't enjoy it.  She wants free travel, doesn't want to chip in for fuel when getting a ride, doesn't want to go by bus, and doesn't see any problem in letting people know that coming to see them is just such a hassle to arrange....?   

Let me make it easier for you and drop you off the invitation list!   

[LifeOnPluto]

She was not an awkward guest. An awkward guest is someone who may accidentally knock over a glass of wine, or get their cutlery mixed up.

Nora was a RUDE guest, plain and simple.

I have to ask, how was Nick reacting to her behaviour? Did he look sheepish? Did he apologise on her behalf later? Or did he think it was fine for her to be so rude to old friends of his?

[LadyR]

I have to ask, how was Nick reacting to her behaviour? Did he look sheepish? Did he apologise on her behalf later? Or did he think it was fine for her to be so rude to old friends of his?

Honestly, I'm not sure Nick was even aware. He was at the opposite end of the room for most of her comments. I don't think he saw anything wrong with the soup thing (though as I said, he baked a pie so he might have been making sure they were still covered food wise), he did step in with the breast-feeding comment and seemed put-out by her comment, though he didn't step in and say anything, as for the tupperware thing, he didn't say anything, but again he was deep in conversation with my DH on the other side of the room, so he may not have been aware that it wasn't offered, especially as I did pack up food for everyone else.

I'm not sure we'll include them in any future invitations, but we are also scaling way back on our hosting, so it hasn't been much of an issue lately. We are not in a position to avoid them completely as they are pretty tightly ingrained in our social group. Plus Nick is a nice guy.

Nick is NOT a relative and is an ex-BF of some sort (the OP mentions a fling that they had that had her mother being chilly but apparently cordial to Nick at the OP's wedding to someone else

Nick is not really an ex-BF. He and I had a brief fling right after I graduated high school (so quite a while ago). It was a little messy because the fling had some overlap with his no-strings attached relationship with a good friend of mine, that I was not aware of (and while it was no-strings and they were free to see other people, she was not ok with him seeing one of her friends). It was not a high point in my life, but it was over a decade ago now and ancient history. Nick and I have put it behind us and become very good friends. He is also a good friend of my husband's from their college days. We are all part of the same wider circle.

My mom was not chilly to Nick at our wedding, but several years before that at a party at my house (I lived at home with my parents at the time). Nick was there and when my mother figured out exactly who he was, she went from friendly to cold in an instant. Nick finds this story amusing. I'm not sure my mother interacted with Nick and Nora at my wedding except for the receiving line.

[Raintree]

I'd never invite Nora to anything again. Of course, that means not inviting Nick. Since he's so ingrained in your social circle, that means plenty of opportunity to see Nick elsewhere, right?

Nora sounded like too much work already in the other thread, ie expecting you to figure out how they were going to get to your house (incidentally, I'm not at all surprised that nobody else "stepped up" to offer them a ride).

As I said, individually, nothing she did is that bad, but together they definitely rubbed me the wrong way

Actually, I think several things she did were "that bad"; I was floored by the breastfeeding comment. Of course, everyone has different feelings about seeing a woman breastfeed, but she was in your home!!!! And receiving your hospitality!! I don't know what I'd have said (I'd probably be too shocked to say anything at all) but "Well you could always leave" comes to mind.

[delabela]

I usually try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but that's pretty bad. Way beyond clueless to just downright unpleasant.

[Allyson]

I was reading 5 and wondering if maybe you tended to vent about your mom a lot or something, but that's obviously not the case here, so I don't even know what she was thinking! I mean, I have friends where I might say that about their parents but only because of what they've told me. That's just...wow, out of line.

1, 2 and 4 would be annoying but individually not reason for me to react particularly strongly. All of it together would be someone I'd just never want to deal with again. Unfortunately I can picture this person far too well now! I've known people like this. She sounds like the type who will be insulting and then say 'What? I'm just being honest!'