Author Topic: I don't text. Really, I don't.  (Read 17152 times)

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Roe

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #15 on: February 06, 2013, 03:10:53 PM »
Sorry OP but I do think this one is on you. They are using their preferred method and they aren't being rude about it. You use your preferred method. Because your method doesn't mesh well with theirs, sometimes you might miss something.  Like a PP said, that's just a consequence of using a method that is becoming obsolete.  And for me, I do think having to actually call someone is more than a minor inconvenience.

oceanus

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #16 on: February 06, 2013, 03:11:11 PM »
OP - on your home phone do you have voice mail/answering machine? (a way for people to leave a message?)

ETA - I have close relatives who (before cell phones) HATED my answering machine and later my voice mail - on my land line.  They flatly refused to leave a message – if I didn’t answer they hung up, repeatedly.  They said to my face “We don’t deal with answering machines”, and they were not nice about it at all.  Caused some problems.  Wellllllllll, about 10 yrs ago they finally got an answering machine themselves, and they NEVER answer their phone – always screen all calls.   Hmmmm.

« Last Edit: February 06, 2013, 03:19:34 PM by oceanus »

Tabby Uprising

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #17 on: February 06, 2013, 03:14:08 PM »
If everybody has Smart phones of some sort, it would be no less work for them to send you an email than it would be to send you a text.

Unless they're sending group texts, ie, one message to multiple numbers at the same time, in which case it would be twice as much work to then send an email aswell.

I do agree that it would be more work, but it's not a lot more work.  Maybe an extra couple of minutes of inconvenience? 

But why should they be inconvenienced at all? The OP is the one who isn't falling into step with the rest of the group or using modern methods of communication.

Quote
If they can't remember how to reach you, don't make the effort to reach you and aren't concerned about you missing events then maybe it's more of a friend issue than a technology one.

That could just as easily be said the other way around.

What's a bit of inconvenience amongst friends?  I have some friends who preferred to be reached through Facebook and some who prefer email or a text (no phone calls, please).  Arranging get togethers by reaching out through various means has never been cumbersome for me. 

I don't think this is something where hard and fast battle lines need to be drawn.  Reiterate what is needed, see how that works and if it doesn't, try to come up with a compromise. 

WillyNilly

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #18 on: February 06, 2013, 03:14:34 PM »
If everybody has Smart phones of some sort, it would be no less work for them to send you an email than it would be to send you a text.

Unless they're sending group texts, ie, one message to multiple numbers at the same time, in which case it would be twice as much work to then send an email aswell.

I do agree that it would be more work, but it's not a lot more work.  Maybe an extra couple of minutes of inconvenience? 

If they can't remember how to reach you, don't make the effort to reach you and aren't concerned about you missing events then maybe it's more of a friend issue than a technology one.

Its not a lot more work, but honestly its more work then just expecting OP to check her phone. Its not unreasonable to expect people to check their phones for text messages in a timely manner, its the reality of the times we live in. 

I am concerned about missing friends who don't text, but if they refuse to check their phones then that is them ignoring me, not me ignoring them. OP is the ignoring the texts - texts she receives for free with a phone she knowingly owns - if its a friend issue its on her, she's blatantly ignoring the texts despite knowing full well that's how everyone else communicates.

The reality is texting is here to stay, its not a passing fad.  Refusing to participate is refusing to join everyone else technically... and perhaps in some cases like this, physically.

Tabby Uprising

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #19 on: February 06, 2013, 03:22:28 PM »
If everybody has Smart phones of some sort, it would be no less work for them to send you an email than it would be to send you a text.

Unless they're sending group texts, ie, one message to multiple numbers at the same time, in which case it would be twice as much work to then send an email aswell.

I do agree that it would be more work, but it's not a lot more work.  Maybe an extra couple of minutes of inconvenience? 

If they can't remember how to reach you, don't make the effort to reach you and aren't concerned about you missing events then maybe it's more of a friend issue than a technology one.

Its not a lot more work, but honestly its more work then just expecting OP to check her phone. Its not unreasonable to expect people to check their phones for text messages in a timely manner, its the reality of the times we live in. 

I am concerned about missing friends who don't text, but if they refuse to check their phones then that is them ignoring me, not me ignoring them. OP is the ignoring the texts - texts she receives for free with a phone she knowingly owns - if its a friend issue its on her, she's blatantly ignoring the texts despite knowing full well that's how everyone else communicates.

The reality is texting is here to stay, its not a passing fad.  Refusing to participate is refusing to join everyone else technically... and perhaps in some cases like this, physically.

Oh I completely see your point!  I guess my first real question is if the OPs friends really understand her "no texting" position.  They might not have an issue reaching out to her another way.  Or they're forgetful.  That's an easier fix.

Now if they do understand, but rely on texting anyway that's a different issue where compromise comes into play.  And I do agree that the bulk of that falls on the OP to match them (like me joining Facebook).


ettiquit

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #20 on: February 06, 2013, 03:30:55 PM »
This is an interesting thread.

My mom won't use FB, but will sometimes complain when I mention something funny or neat that a family member posted because she was "left out".  I will occasionally send her stuff that I've posted, but only when I remember to, which isn't often.

A friend of mine "left" FB for G+ (FB account is still active) and she almost missed a party I had because I had used FB to do the invites since everyone I was inviting uses FB.  I'm glad she made it to the party, but honestly, it's frustrating to have to remember that she no longer uses FB.

I see both sides to this, I guess.  No one should partake in a practice they don't want to just because it's the "norm", but I don't think we can reasonably expect friends to remember that you're not in the norm.

If they're like me, I truly forget most of the time - so any slights are completely unintentional.

NyaChan

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #21 on: February 06, 2013, 03:39:17 PM »
I feel your pain - I don't use FB and most events & get-togethers are created on FB.  Sometimes I miss things and a lot of the time I don't know about what's happening until someone clues me in.  But I quickly realized that the people who genuinely wanted to invite me to an event or include me in their plans made a point of calling, texting, emailing, or asking me in person in addition to inviting everyone else on FB. 

You kinda have to take the lumps that come with your choice to not use certain technology.  You can't make people go out of their way to accommodate you, but the ones that really want to see you will.  Your friends who don't listen to your circumstances are basically saying that they're willing to take the risk that you won't get their invite & miss the outing if it means not having to contact you separately.  As a solution, I suggest finding one person in the group who you are closer to and ask them to give you a heads up if there is something being planned. 
« Last Edit: February 06, 2013, 03:42:13 PM by NyaChan »

TootsNYC

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #22 on: February 06, 2013, 03:40:45 PM »
If everybody has Smart phones of some sort, it would be no less work for them to send you an email than it would be to send you a text.

Unless they're sending group texts, ie, one message to multiple numbers at the same time, in which case it would be twice as much work to then send an email aswell.

I do agree that it would be more work, but it's not a lot more work.  Maybe an extra couple of minutes of inconvenience? 

If they can't remember how to reach you, don't make the effort to reach you and aren't concerned about you missing events then maybe it's more of a friend issue than a technology one.

Yes, I think that unfortunately they're making it clear that inclusiveness is a lower priority than convenience, which is pretty lousy.

I'm glad someone said this!

But if you give up, OP, you might look into whether Google Voice will forward texts to your email.

I think this is different than ettiquit's issue w/ her mom who is annoying because she doesn't know something other people do.

TootsNYC

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #23 on: February 06, 2013, 03:43:09 PM »
The other thing the OP could do is to tell everyone her phone broke, and that she's decided not to use a cell phone anymore.

Lynn2000

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #24 on: February 06, 2013, 03:46:01 PM »
I feel your pain - I don't use FB and most events & get-togethers are created on FB.  Sometimes I miss things and a lot of the time I don't know about what's happening until someone clues me in.  But I quickly realized that the people who genuinely wanted to invite me to an event or include me in their plans make a point of calling, texting, emailing, or asking in person i addition to inviting everyone else on FB. 

You kinda have to take the lumps that come with your choice to not use certain technology.  You can't make people go out of their way to accommodate you, but the ones that really want to see you will.  Your friends who don't listen to your circumstances are basically saying that they're willing to take the risk that you won't get their invite & miss the outing if it means not having to contact you separately.  As a solution, I suggest finding one person in the group who you are closer to and ask them to give you a heads up if there is something being planned. 

I think I agree most with this. I don't think it's "obsolete" to not text, at least not yet; the OP has multiple phones and email, so it's not like she's a hermit in a mountaintop cave. If she's made people aware of her preferences and they don't make an effort to contact her through them--well, I don't necessarily think that's rude either, but it's just something that happens. Maybe she will miss out on a few gatherings; maybe her absence will be noted and people will remember/realize they should call or email her next time, if they really want her there.

For me, making one phone call or email to invite one good friend would not be a terrible inconvenience; but I'd be less inclined to do it for a lot of people, or people I'm not as close to.
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bah12

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #25 on: February 06, 2013, 03:47:38 PM »
So, if the majority of your circle uses a more modern form of communication than you do and you are unwilling to use that same form of communication to keep track of them, then you are within your right to ask them nicely, like through email, to use something else.

However, it boils down to whether or not including you is worth the extra effort (or even remembering) of communicating with you in a different way and separately from everyone else.  In some cases and with certain people, I would guess that it would be worth it and in others not. 

So, I think you need to accept that you might miss some stuff sometimes.  Either that, or check your cell phone once before you go to bed at night to see if anyone sent you something.  You can always email them your RSVP if you don't want to text back.

yokozbornak

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #26 on: February 06, 2013, 03:47:53 PM »
I feel your pain - I don't use FB and most events & get-togethers are created on FB.  Sometimes I miss things and a lot of the time I don't know about what's happening until someone clues me in.  But I quickly realized that the people who genuinely wanted to invite me to an event or include me in their plans make a point of calling, texting, emailing, or asking in person i addition to inviting everyone else on FB. 

You kinda have to take the lumps that come with your choice to not use certain technology.  You can't make people go out of their way to accommodate you, but the ones that really want to see you will.  Your friends who don't listen to your circumstances are basically saying that they're willing to take the risk that you won't get their invite & miss the outing if it means not having to contact you separately.  As a solution, I suggest finding one person in the group who you are closer to and ask them to give you a heads up if there is something being planned.

I agree with this.  I have texting blocked on my phone so I don't even get texts.  I also am not on Facebook by choice.  I am not anti-technology, but I don't like being tied to a phone and I have major issues with Facebook (privacy related).  Most of my friends respect that and know they can always call or email me.  They know it's one of my quirks, and we work through it.  Occasionally I am out of the loop, but I often find that's a good thing.  Much less drama!

I think your friends are not being respectful of your choices which would bother me.  I would gently mention to them again that you really don't do texting and specifically ask them to call you instead of texting you.  Maybe they really don't get the fact the you don't text.

Sophia

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #27 on: February 06, 2013, 03:48:51 PM »
I would ask your friends to remove your cell number from their phones, and just have your landline. 

One thing I found helpful to wean my friends off my cell phone, was to get Vonage at home.  It has a feature called "simultaneous ring".  So, if someone calls my home phone, my cell phone also rings.  Then present your home phone as THE number to reach you.  Friends had been reluctant to remove the cell number until they knew it would also call my cell.  It was as if the call number was the only "real" number.  It will also email you a text version of voicemails that are left.  It might have the ability to forward text messages too, I don't know. 

I have a pay-by-the-minute plan too.  I pay $0.1 minutes with $0.1 per text whether sending or receiving. 

A friend at work said the other day that his daughter has never seen a phone connected to a phone wire except in a hotel.

MariaE

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #28 on: February 06, 2013, 03:50:03 PM »
The other thing the OP could do is to tell everyone her phone broke, and that she's decided not to use a cell phone anymore.

I think she might have more luck with this. People are more inclined to remember "she doesn't have a cell phone" than "she does have one, but doesn't check it", because that quickly turns into "she can't be bothered to check it".

In my circle of friends one person doesn't have email - we'll text or call her when we're trying to arrange something, but yes, it's a hassle and yes, sometimes she accidentally gets left out because we forget. If we knew she had an email account but just didn't check it - not because she couldn't, but because she just didn't for no apparent reason? We'd be a lot less likely to work around it.
 
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TootsNYC

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #29 on: February 06, 2013, 03:50:19 PM »
OP, you might also consider that there IS a middle ground.

I get it, that you don't want to consider yourself "on call" to your phone.

But now that you've seen that you wish you hadn't missed stuff, maybe you can add it to your routine in a SMALL way.

Maybe every morning, as you leave your house, you check to see if your phone is charged *and whether there are any texts or missed calls*.

Or every night just before bed, maybe you do this--that way the phone is charged in the a.m. and you get messages once.