I don't text. Really, I don't.

[MrsJWine]

Yes, I think that unfortunately they're making it clear that inclusiveness is a lower priority than convenience, which is pretty lousy.

This cuts both ways, though. It could just as easily be said that the OP is prioritizing her own convenience over the established habits of all of her friends. The OP can receive texts, so she could compromise by checking them at set times and then calling or emailing her friends when she needs to communicate with them. I would have a hard time remembering specifically which friend of mine never checked Facebook messages (that's my friends' general method of communication) every time I wanted to do something with them.

It would be nice if they went out of their way to use different methods of communication, but it's not on them to accommodate the OP. In most things, the person who chooses to do things differently from everyone else is usually the one who needs to do what is necessary to get along in that group.

[Roe]

I am struck by one thing in all this, OP.  You'd like your friends to change the way they communicate with you, which means each of them would be actively doing *something* to fix this situation.  But the situation could easily be fixed by YOU doing one simple little thing each day. 

Instead of asking all your friends to do something, all you have to do is just look at your phone once a day.  Just once a day!  Problem solved.

Bingo/Disco/POD/Win!

Yep, yep, yep! 

[bonyk]

I agree with those who say that your preference does not trump your friends' preference.

[CluelessBride]

Yes, I think that unfortunately they're making it clear that inclusiveness is a lower priority than convenience, which is pretty lousy.

This cuts both ways, though. It could just as easily be said that the OP is prioritizing her own convenience over the established habits of all of her friends. The OP can receive texts, so she could compromise by checking them at set times and then calling or emailing her friends when she needs to communicate with them. I would have a hard time remembering specifically which friend of mine never checked Facebook messages (that's my friends' general method of communication) every time I wanted to do something with them.

It would be nice if they went out of their way to use different methods of communication, but it's not on them to accommodate the OP. In most things, the person who chooses to do things differently from everyone else is usually the one who needs to do what is necessary to get along in that group.

I agree. There are a ton of different methods of communication in this world. It's really not rude to prefer one method over another and use it primarily or even exclusively. But you only get to control your own behavior. If you choose to only communicate through text, then some people you might have liked to join in your activity may not make it. If you choose to refuse to ever check texts, you may miss activities.  It's not really rudeness. It's just life.

I'm a moderate texter. I have 200/month (received text count against the limit as well as sent), and almost never go over.  I've racked up less than $5 worth of overages in the last 5 years, most from the two major moves I had.  I prefer a phone call or email for most things. But I know texting is easier for many other people, and since friendship is a two-way street I tend to compromise on communication. I'll receive and read texts as they come in and try to respond within a reasonable amount of time. If I can give a short answer, I'll reply by text. But if it's a long answer I may call or email. My friends, because they are my friends, are happy to live with this compromise, even though some of them really hate the phone or dislike checking to email on the weekends. 

In the OPs case there is no budget issue - because the texts she receives are free and she can reply through other means. In fact, since there is a per minute charge for phone calls, the friends are saving her money by texting her.

But if there is a budget issue, I still don't think the friends are being rude. Just like it wouldn't be rude for my friends to organize a night a pricey 5star restaurant even though I can't afford it on my budget.

[Specky]

Our cell plan doesn't include texting, and to add it in (without changing the whole plan to something way more expensive), we would pay a fee for each text, both sent and received, and a fee per certain number of characters.  Not inexpensive, therefore, no texting.  A friend would repeatedly text me despite frequent reminders that we didn't have texting.  She would call and yell at me for not responding to her texts and not showing up for things.  I could not get through to her.  Eventually decided to let the friendship die--less expensive than paying for texting. 

[Moray]

Our cell plan doesn't include texting, and to add it in (without changing the whole plan to something way more expensive), we would pay a fee for each text, both sent and received, and a fee per certain number of characters.  Not inexpensive, therefore, no texting.  A friend would repeatedly text me despite frequent reminders that we didn't have texting.  She would call and yell at me for not responding to her texts and not showing up for things.  I could not get through to her.  Eventually decided to let the friendship die--less expensive than paying for texting.

But that's not the OP's situation at all. The OP doesn't pay for texts received, only sent. There is literally no financial impact to her friends sending her texts. She doesn't have to respond via text, she can use email or call them.

[bansidhe]

OP, you might also consider that there IS a middle ground.

I get it, that you don't want to consider yourself "on call" to your phone.

But now that you've seen that you wish you hadn't missed stuff, maybe you can add it to your routine in a SMALL way.

Maybe every morning, as you leave your house, you check to see if your phone is charged *and whether there are any texts or missed calls*.

Or every night just before bed, maybe you do this--that way the phone is charged in the a.m. and you get messages once.

I agree with this approach. Check your phone and call or e-mail people as necessary. It won't cost you anything but a few minutes of your time to do this and then you're in the loop.

I am puzzled, however, as to why your friends continue to text you when you've repeatedly asked them not to. I don't text for multiple reasons - one of which being that I hate it and another that it costs me to send texts - and have had no problem getting people to understand this. Of course, texting is not the norm in my circle anyway, so perhaps that it why.

Still, there are multiple methods of communication out there and texting is hardly the default or only method so I don't understand why they continue to do it.

[CakeEater]

My mobile is often out of charge, or turned off, or in my car. 'Im a bit slack about checking it. So I understand when I miss messages and don't hold it against the person who sent them.  I don't expect the texter to call me if they haven't heard from me and deliver the same message another way.

I wouldn't leave all my mail in the letterbox and then complain because I didn't receive an invitation.

[oceanus]

The other thing the OP could do is to tell everyone her phone broke, and that she's decided not to use a cell phone anymore.

Then the OP would be lying to her friends. I wouldn't recommend going this route.

I agree - bad idea.  It's a dodge/evasion, not a solution. (Similar to avoiding calls from someone with the "I'm sooooo busy" excuse.)  Sooner or later people should realize they need to deal with a problem instead of making up lies and running from them.

I feel your pain - I don't use FB and most events & get-togethers are created on FB.  Sometimes I miss things and a lot of the time I don't know about what's happening until someone clues me in.  But I quickly realized that the people who genuinely wanted to invite me to an event or include me in their plans made a point of calling, texting, emailing, or asking me in person in addition to inviting everyone else on FB. 

You kinda have to take the lumps that come with your choice to not use certain technology.  You can't make people go out of their way to accommodate you, but the ones that really want to see you will. Your friends who don't listen to your circumstances are basically saying that they're willing to take the risk that you won't get their invite & miss the outing if it means not having to contact you separately.  As a solution, I suggest finding one person in the group who you are closer to and ask them to give you a heads up if there is something being planned.

This is excellent, NyaChan.

imo the best reply in the thread thus far.

[WillyNilly]

OP, you might also consider that there IS a middle ground.

I get it, that you don't want to consider yourself "on call" to your phone.

But now that you've seen that you wish you hadn't missed stuff, maybe you can add it to your routine in a SMALL way.

Maybe every morning, as you leave your house, you check to see if your phone is charged *and whether there are any texts or missed calls*.

Or every night just before bed, maybe you do this--that way the phone is charged in the a.m. and you get messages once.

I agree with this approach. Check your phone and call or e-mail people as necessary. It won't cost you anything but a few minutes of your time to do this and then you're in the loop.

I am puzzled, however, as to why your friends continue to text you when you've repeatedly asked them not to. I don't text for multiple reasons - one of which being that I hate it and another that it costs me to send texts - and have had no problem getting people to understand this. Of course, texting is not the norm in my circle anyway, so perhaps that it why.

Still, there are multiple methods of communication out there and texting is hardly the default or only method so I don't understand why they continue to do it.

Well it could be a couple of things.

* They might forget OP doesn't text.
* Each might assume someone else in the group is calling her.
* There might some back-n-forth going on (when, where, etc) and they are waiting until they have all the info to call (and then, see above reasons)
* They might know darn well that OP has a cell, and receives texts for free, and don't think its necessary to call

[LilacGirl1983]

We do not text either. Our phones are basic as well. We tell people to call or send an email. We went to our company and asked them to block all incoming/outgoing texts so we wouldnt be charged for anyone who texted us. I would keep telling your friends "Sorry my phone blocks texts. Call or email me please!"

[lisastitch]

I almost missed a get together and did miss another one because my friends contacted me by text.  I didn't get the text until the next day (or in the latter case, two days later).  I never got a phone call or a followup email.  It's generally assumed that if you don't answer a text, you're not available.

One thing that strikes me about this is that it sounds as if the get-togethers are last-minute -- "Hey, let's get together for drinks tomorrow night".  One of the reasons that texts or email work well for this kind of gathering is that you can send a message to everyone, and then they all see the plans as they progress.   ("What about that new place on Main?" "No, I'd rather go back to the one on Second.")  So, is the person who sent the first text the "organizer", who is then responsible for contacting you?  Is it the person who suggests the place?  Is everyone in the group supposed to call you?  What happens if the plans change?
Texting also works well (better than email, in my opinion) in that your phone lets you know when you get a text but (at least on mine) not when you've got new email.  (and I get a lot more email than texts, so it would be less useful even if it alerted me).
Even with the best intentions, remembering to take extra steps can be hard.  We throw a fall party every year, with the vast majority of invitations going out by email.  There are a few people for whom I don't have email addresses (or I know they don't check email frequently), and I will usually send an invitation snailmail.  This year--after the party!--I suddenly realized that I had forgotten to send an invitation that I meant to send. 
Since you're able to get the texts, I really think it's up to you to check once a day, and then call or email someone to ask them to let you know how plans develop.

[Sootikin]

I feel your pain - I don't use FB and most events & get-togethers are created on FB.  Sometimes I miss things and a lot of the time I don't know about what's happening until someone clues me in.  But I quickly realized that the people who genuinely wanted to invite me to an event or include me in their plans made a point of calling, texting, emailing, or asking me in person in addition to inviting everyone else on FB. 

You kinda have to take the lumps that come with your choice to not use certain technology.  You can't make people go out of their way to accommodate you, but the ones that really want to see you will.  Your friends who don't listen to your circumstances are basically saying that they're willing to take the risk that you won't get their invite & miss the outing if it means not having to contact you separately.  As a solution, I suggest finding one person in the group who you are closer to and ask them to give you a heads up if there is something being planned.

If the OP would look at her phone once or twice a day no one would have to go out of their way to accommodate her. The only 'circumstances' the OP has is her refusal to look at her phone.

It's pretty self-centered to expect everyone else to change their behaviour to fit with your own self imposed restrictions on everyday communication.

If a friend told me that they didn't check their phone for texts when that is the accepted mode of contact in our group, I'd think they were either too lazy or too dis-interested in getting together and I'd stop inviting them at all.

[VorFemme]

I make joking comments about being married to a semi-Luddite who is still balking at leaving the Twentieth Century.  We have cell phones, no landline - but NO texting on our plans (would almost double the cost with three cell phones).  Several years ago, someone stalked a quasi-foster kid who was staying with us and sent over a hundred dollars worth of texts to him on a phone on loan from us.....texts that we ended up paying for as he was looking for a part time job after school (not easy to find when he had no driver's license and would have had to WALK to work & back).

We changed the plan to block texts - but VorGuy still doesn't want texting "right now". 

If I post something to Craigslist or Freecycle, I do not include my cell phone number until I know who is getting the number (buyer, seller, or person picking up the item) and that they are aware that I don't get or send texts, due to not having them on the plan.

I still get texted all too often by people who SEE the phone number but are so used to texting everyone that they just don't believe their eyes because "everyone" texts...if I get a text from a phone number, I call the number back.  If I get one without a phone number - I delete it.  I have a company sending me texts about their services - they go on the "do not use" list because I have no idea where & how they got that number.  It is supposed to be on the Do Not Call list for businesses that we have no ongoing business with.

But I digress - I agree with the OP - if I ask for no texts because I don't get them or have to pay extra to retrieve & return them - please don't send me a text or six......and it happened last week with Freecycle, so the annoyance is relatively fresh in my mind.

[PeterM]

But why should they be inconvenienced at all? The OP is the one who isn't falling into step with the rest of the group or using modern methods of communication.

I basically agree with the consensus that this is just different preferences not meshing, but how in the world can email be considered a non-modern method of communication? And someone up-thread mentioned telegraphs. That's not even close to being a useful analogy.

OP would prefer her friends use modern communication method A or B to contact her. Her friends choose to use modern communication method C instead. Neither side is willing to change to accommodate the other. There's nothing wrong with any of that, really. But saying the OP isn't using modern methods is just not true. She's choosing to use modern methods other than those her friends prefer, is all.