Author Topic: I don't text. Really, I don't.  (Read 16669 times)

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LilacRosey

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #60 on: February 06, 2013, 10:37:03 PM »
I love texting even though I have an older cell phone by a year you shouldtry it! I hope it works out with your friends!, LilacRosey

Knitterly

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #61 on: February 06, 2013, 10:46:08 PM »
Wow... so many responses.  I'll try clarify as much as I can.

If everybody has Smart phones of some sort, it would be no less work for them to send you an email than it would be to send you a text.

Unless they're sending group texts, ie, one message to multiple numbers at the same time, in which case it would be twice as much work to then send an email aswell.
These are never group texts.  Always individual messages to me, personally.  So, it wouldn't actually be much more work to contact me by some other means.
Several people have latched on to the idea that these are group things.  They aren't.  Funnily enough, the group things always happen by email.  These are individual things.  People texting me that they want to hang out tonight or tomorrow night.  Then, if I don't get the message, I have missed something I would have had the time or inclination to do. 
I guess the confusion probably came in because I said "my friends" in relation to get togethers, but that was because it was two separate friends wanting to hang out two separate times.

Example:
I heard my phone beep late Sunday night.  I was already in bed and my phone was downstairs charging.  I figured I'd get to it in the morning.  When I finally remembered to get to my phone (around 9:30am), I discovered that it was a friend wanting to get together at 10:00am.  She didn't call me.  She just presumed I wasn't interested.  But I totally was.  And if she'd sent me an email, I would have gotten it as soon as I'd gotten up.
The message I wrote back was along the lines of "Sorry, I only just got your message.  I rarely check my phone when I'm home.  I'd love to get together."


What is really driving me nuts is that my phone isn't a smartphone like all theirs are.  I have no intention of getting a smartphone.  Period.  I don't need it.
My cellphone is to be able to reach me in case of emergency and last minute plan changes when I am out, and for me to have in case of emergency when I am out.  The only reason people have my cell # is in case of emergency.  But they feel that because I have a cellphone I should use it.  It's more convenient for them.

The event I completely missed was another casual get together.  Because a friend texted me and I didn't even hear my phone beep.  I got the message two days later.  In that case, a phone call would have been really nice.  She wanted to get together with me.  And I have previously told her that my phone is usually off when I'm home, so I don't text.
She will insist on texting back and forth with me, even though I've told her that I don't like texting because it's expensive.  Her solution was to "just get a plan".  But a plan costs more money.  I'm not going to spend $40/month just to text when I'm currently spending only <$10/month for a basic emergency-use no-frills phone.
This particular friend will send me a message.  If I get the message, I will respond quickly because it is more convenient for her.  Then she'll text back with a question.  If I then tell her that I don't like texting, she'll point out that I just sent her a text.  The problem is, her cell phone is a long distance number, even though she lives locally, so I can't even call her on her cell.  I *have* to text her.  But it's not long distance for her to call me.  But she doesn't.  She only texts.  And refuses to switch her number to a local one because the long distance thing doesn't affect her.

A few weeks ago, someone sent me a picture message.  I got a message something along the lines of "xxx-xxx-xxxx has sent you an undeliverable message.  To retrieve this message, please visit www..."  I had to log on and give a code and go through a whole rigmarole to retrieve the message.  I had to ask them not to do that again.

What if the OP didn't text because of financial reasons? Would that make a difference?  :-\
It actually is because of financial reasons.  I simply cannot afford a more expensive phone with more bells and whistles.  And I have no need of it.
I used to have a fancy phone.  I got rid of it because I have no need of it as a stay at home parent.  Plus, it's hard to justify a fancy phone when you're home 90% of the time with access to a landline and email.

I am struck by one thing in all this, OP.  You'd like your friends to change the way they communicate with you, which means each of them would be actively doing *something* to fix this situation.  But the situation could easily be fixed by YOU doing one simple little thing each day. 

Instead of asking all your friends to do something, all you have to do is just look at your phone once a day.  Just once a day!  Problem solved.

Bingo/Disco/POD/Win!
Before you go all bingo-discoey, please realize - I check my phone most days.  But even then, I still end up missing or almost missing stuff.  Like the aforementioned text that was sent at night (actually, the situation that prompted this whole post) that I didn't get until the morning, and within 30 minutes of the suggested get together time.  We ended up hanging out, but almost didn't because it was asked by text instead of email.  And because it was sent from a smartphone, she could have messaged me by facebook or email instead and I would have gotten the message way sooner.

There's the added difficulty that if a friend wants to get together last minute and doesn't want to or can't come to me and I don't have sufficient notice, I can't because we're also a single car family and I may not have made arrangements to have the car.

I also try my hardest to remember to put my phone somewhere that I'll hear it beep.  But I often forget because it's not a big part of my life.  If I leave it charging in the kitchen, I'll hear it.  If it's been left in the diaper bag so I don't forget to take it with me the next time I go out, I won't hear it.

So many people are saying I'm wrong.  I guess I will take that to heart.  What I really wanted to know (and which no one has answered for me), though, was is there a more clear way that I can say "Texting is the worst way to reach me."

Raintree

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #62 on: February 06, 2013, 11:07:35 PM »
I'd just say "Texting is the worst way to reach me. I use my phone for emergancies only."

I can see both sides of this issue. I used to have a cell phone that I only used sparingly, with prepaid minutes that ended up costing less than $10 per month. And I used to get "why don't you just get a plan?" all the time. Uh, because there is no plan under $10 per month? Nowadays I do have a need for a plan, and I have one (and a smartphone) but I would never presume to tell a friend what kind of communication device they should be spending their money on. I have a friend with no cell phone, period. It's a bit of a nuisance when trying to meet up, but knowing she has no cell phone, I work around it. It's up to her to decide how much of a nuisance it is.

On the other hand, all but two of the friends I see regularly are on Facebook, so for group invites, it's always, "Somebody remember to email Sue and Jane." While we like their company, we don't always remember to include them. So keep that under consideration.

However, a friend sending a text to you and you alone, after you've told them you don't text, sounds a bit like someone just not getting it. You could try saying, in a good-natured tone, "Friend, you're STILL using text to try to reach me? I don't know how many times I have to say, I don't check my phone!!"

PastryGoddess

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #63 on: February 06, 2013, 11:28:47 PM »

Can I just recommend Google Voice to all you non smartphoners and semi-luddites out there.      ;) :D
   It's free,
   If people text you it will go straight to your email
   If someone actually calls, it will ring direct to your phone with the persons number showing
   If someone leaves a voicemail it will be transcribed (badly) to email
   It's free
   You can respond to texts directly from the email.  No need to log in to GV.
   Did I mention...it's free
The downside, it's a new number you have to remember to give out.  But it only took me about a month or so to get my family and friends trained.  I actively made people enter the new number into their phones.

« Last Edit: February 06, 2013, 11:35:48 PM by PastryGoddess »

KenveeB

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #64 on: February 06, 2013, 11:44:02 PM »
She will insist on texting back and forth with me, even though I've told her that I don't like texting because it's expensive.  Her solution was to "just get a plan".  But a plan costs more money.  I'm not going to spend $40/month just to text when I'm currently spending only <$10/month for a basic emergency-use no-frills phone.
This particular friend will send me a message.  If I get the message, I will respond quickly because it is more convenient for her.  Then she'll text back with a question.  If I then tell her that I don't like texting, she'll point out that I just sent her a text.  The problem is, her cell phone is a long distance number, even though she lives locally, so I can't even call her on her cell.  I *have* to text her.  But it's not long distance for her to call me.  But she doesn't.  She only texts.  And refuses to switch her number to a local one because the long distance thing doesn't affect her.

So... your friend uses the method of communication that's most convenient for her and doesn't take into account considerations that don't affect her? Sounds pretty much like what you're doing too. Why is she rude for doing it and you're not? She's not forcing you to text. You can email her, and apparently do. Getting texts from someone that they don't want to text would confuse me too!

perpetua

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #65 on: February 06, 2013, 11:59:06 PM »
OP, having read your update I don't think you're rude, per se, but you are being snowflakey.

You're expecting all of your friends to bend to your own preference, which isn't the norm for your circle.

The letterbox analogy is brilliant - if you deliberately don't check your letterbox because you're being stubborn and don't want to/don't see why you should have to, you really cant complain if you miss a posted invitation. This is no different.

All you have to do is check your phone, then you wouldn't miss out, but instead you choose to complain about it. As Dr Phil would say, 'How's that working for ya?' You can pretty much file all of this under 'cutting off one's nose to spite one's face'.

bansidhe

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #66 on: February 07, 2013, 12:05:53 AM »
If I post something to Craigslist or Freecycle, I do not include my cell phone number until I know who is getting the number (buyer, seller, or person picking up the item) and that they are aware that I don't get or send texts, due to not having them on the plan.

A bit off-topic, but I've had good luck putting *** NO TEXTS, PLEASE *** in my Craigslist ads. People seem to actually read it and abide by the request, as odd as it may seem.  :D
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bansidhe

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #67 on: February 07, 2013, 12:13:43 AM »
Before you go all bingo-discoey, please realize - I check my phone most days.

;D   ;D   ;D   ;D

So many people are saying I'm wrong.  I guess I will take that to heart.  What I really wanted to know (and which no one has answered for me), though, was is there a more clear way that I can say "Texting is the worst way to reach me."

You are not wrong. I think you can be more clear by
- blocking texts entirely so it's impossible for people to text you,
- saying "Please do not text me. I don't do texting" instead of "Texting is the worst way to reach me," which implies that you're still reachable that way,
- never texting anyone yourself, ever.
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Arizona

Rusty

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #68 on: February 07, 2013, 01:46:18 AM »
I can see both sides of this issue.  But perhaps there is something you may not have considered.  These days everyone is so busy that actually picking up the phone to arrange something can run into a 15min to 30min call when you actually just want to say, "Hey, how about coffee tomorrow at 10am at ...".   I absolutely hate people ringing me in the evenings, when I just want to relax and often put the answering machine on after dinner for that purpose.   

Many years ago telephones were a luxury, people used to write letters of invitation, times change and if you don't want to keep up you can't expect everyone else to cater to your expectations.  It sounds like some of your friends are trying to send a message to you by not respecting your wishes on means of communication.


Allyson

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #69 on: February 07, 2013, 02:09:04 AM »
I don't really think anyone's doing anything wrong. But I also think both you and your friends are likely to keep missing out on you guys hanging out, and that's too bad. You have already been polite and clear with people not to text you--I suspect those who do just plain forget. Or don't think about it. Or they hate calling people and only have access to text, not email, at that moment. It would be nice and awesome if they remembered your preference. But you have said your piece and been perfectly reasonable. There's no magic phrase to say that will make people remember. So I think all you can do is either check your phone frequently, or accept you might miss some invitations because of this.

And, this happens to people who do text too. I am one of those awful people who love Facebook and text for communication (:D) and I still sometimes miss things. It is disappointing when it happens, but not preventable all the time, either. It doesn't sound like anyone's getting mad at you for this, or like you're losing friends, so overall I think there's nothing more you can really do. I don't think it's a bad idea to say, after every time this happens "Oh, sorry, I am really bad with texting, calling is much better!" but they might still forget.

There are so many potential ways of getting in touch with someone, that it can be easy to forget which people prefer which methods.

Danika

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #70 on: February 07, 2013, 03:36:34 AM »
... I have never seen a plan where it costs money to receive texts, but I'm sure they're out there somewhere. If the OP was in a situation where she couldn't afford to receive texts I'd be a lot more willing to work around it.

My plan charges me to send texts and charges me to receive them. I pay $0.20 for every incoming or outgoing text message. The text messages that really make me mad are the spam ones. I'll get texts from my old dental office (we no longer live in that city, but they somehow kept my phone number and just started texting) or the local yogurt place who swore they only wanted my phone number so they could give me freebies if I ate there often enough.

I don't want to pay for texting. I don't want to pay for a new phone. I'm thrilled with my 6-year-old flip phone. It does all I need it to do. Mainly, it fits in my back jeans pocket because it's tiny and I don't carry a purse. I don't want some large iPhone because they're much larger and bulkier. And I only need my phone occasionally.

I shouldn't have to pay for data rates, and carry large iPhones for everyone else's convenience. And I shouldn't have to pay $10 monthly for a texting plan for everyone else's convenience so that they can text me.

I'm with you, OP. People can already reach me via email, Facebook and phone. There's no need to add one more method to that, where I have to pay out of my pocket for it.

If I were an ER doctor, I could see it being vital that I have a pager. I'm a software engineer who works on websites. I know technology. But nothing I do is so important that reaching me immediately is vital. If I want to have dinner with my family, my phone is off. When I get to my email, it's when I have time to actually pay attention to it and respond. I don't want an electronic leash.

So far, I don't mind the occasional $0.20 text that I get once a month from a friend or two. They're actually relevant and helpful (like "looks like lightning so the pool is closed. Don't bother coming now") so I haven't disabled the ability on my plan. But I've had a few friends who I've told numerous times "Don't text me. It's costing me money" and yet, as we're about to meet, they're texting me "still on the highway," "exiting the highway," "entering the parking lot," and "looking for a parking spot." Not to mention that this particular friend was driving while she was texting me all of this ridiculousness.

I have another friend whose nephew is in a rock band. She texts me and 500 of her nephew's fans, long novels of texts (longer than my post here, even, ha) about their upcoming concert. And theses texts have to be broken up into separate texts. So I'll be charged several dollars to announce tons of details about a concert that I can't go to because it's an hour drive away, and I haven't been told their concert schedule until 30 minutes before the concert is to start. My solution, after having told her numerous times not to text that number: I blocked her phone number on that phone line. Now she has to email me or write to me on FB if she wants to get a hold of me at all.

MariaE

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #71 on: February 07, 2013, 04:39:49 AM »
... I have never seen a plan where it costs money to receive texts, but I'm sure they're out there somewhere. If the OP was in a situation where she couldn't afford to receive texts I'd be a lot more willing to work around it.

My plan charges me to send texts and charges me to receive them. I pay $0.20 for every incoming or outgoing text message. The text messages that really make me mad are the spam ones. I'll get texts from my old dental office (we no longer live in that city, but they somehow kept my phone number and just started texting) or the local yogurt place who swore they only wanted my phone number so they could give me freebies if I ate there often enough.

... which means that your situation is different from the OP's. To you it's not just a preference that you'd rather not receive texts - you actively have to pay for receiving them. That's a completely different kettle of fish.

If the OP had come here and asked how to explain people not to text her, because it cost her money to receive texts I'll bet you that the answers would have been a lot different. Financial reasons trump preferences.
 
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citadelle

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #72 on: February 07, 2013, 07:39:34 AM »
If the OP had come here and asked how to explain people not to text her, because it cost her money to receive texts I'll bet you that the answers would have been a lot different. Financial reasons trump preferences.

I see what you are saying, but we all choose a phone plan that has costs associated. It is financial for everyone!

CluelessBride

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #73 on: February 07, 2013, 07:53:13 AM »
If the OP had come here and asked how to explain people not to text her, because it cost her money to receive texts I'll bet you that the answers would have been a lot different. Financial reasons trump preferences.

I see what you are saying, but we all choose a phone plan that has costs associated. It is financial for everyone!
If the OP had come here and asked how to explain people not to text her, because it cost her money to receive texts I'll bet you that the answers would have been a lot different. Financial reasons trump preferences.

I see what you are saying, but we all choose a phone plan that has costs associated. It is financial for everyone!



True, but in the OP's case no one is costing her a cent by texting her. I don't think there is anything wrong with replying to a text by phone or email to save money - or for any other reason. You can even send a text by email if you know the carrier. Sure the OP chose her plan for financial reasons. But her friends aren't actually causing her to incur a cost in this case. They are just inviting her into a conversation that may cost her money. It's like inviting a friend to go to dinner Dutch. Not rude to invite, not rude to decline for financial (or any) reasons.

MariaE

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Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #74 on: February 07, 2013, 08:12:40 AM »
If the OP had come here and asked how to explain people not to text her, because it cost her money to receive texts I'll bet you that the answers would have been a lot different. Financial reasons trump preferences.

I see what you are saying, but we all choose a phone plan that has costs associated. It is financial for everyone!

True, but in the OP's case no one is costing her a cent by texting her. I don't think there is anything wrong with replying to a text by phone or email to save money - or for any other reason. You can even send a text by email if you know the carrier. Sure the OP chose her plan for financial reasons. But her friends aren't actually causing her to incur a cost in this case. They are just inviting her into a conversation that may cost her money. It's like inviting a friend to go to dinner Dutch. Not rude to invite, not rude to decline for financial (or any) reasons.

Exactly! Thank you, you explained what I was trying to say better than I could myself.
 
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