Author Topic: I don't text. Really, I don't.  (Read 16764 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Hmmmmm

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6437
Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #210 on: February 11, 2013, 06:42:08 PM »
So you don't mind if they call you when they plan on meeting somewhere but then you say it's just for emergencies? 

Honestly, IMO, you are giving your friends mixed signals and then getting upset/annoyed when they don't follow the "only for emergency" plan.

I respectfully disagree.  If they are calling because the plan has to change because of an unforeseen circumstance, then it's appreciated.  Otherwise, I'd be waiting unnecessarily and wondering where on earth they are.

I do think this is a matter of differing definitions.

Chances are, most would send a quick text in the example you gave above..  Your method would require an additional step for them... they text everyone else and call you?  They may not think to do that, so you are at square one again. 

If you don't want to text or receive them, that is fine.  You cannot expect people to change their preferred method.    So you just may be sitting waiting at Restaurant B because you didn't check for the text that Restaurant A is now the location.

I really have to wonder at this point if I am just plain miscommunicating.  I feel like I am not being understood! 

What you're describing is not at all what I am getting upset with.   What you're describing also doesn't happen in my circle.  Changing to Restaurant B without actually receiving confirmation from everyone in the group would really not happen in my circle of friends.  Never has happened in the past.  It's also absolutely not at all what I'm talking about!!  In any case, if I am out, my phone is with me and I would see/hear/receive a text.  I wouldn't get an email, so this example does not correlate to what is happening with my friends texting me.

How about instead of call it emergency use, we call it "urgent use".  My phone is for urgent use.  Getting a text about a change of plans is not at all my complaint.

My complaint is solely getting texts on my cellphone that is not meant for that use about last minute plans (new plans, not plan changes) when it's late at night and I am home and my cellphone is away (or, prior to this thread, was away).  I have asked my friends not to do this.  It still happens. 
It's even  more frustrating when I know for a fact that they are also at home and could just as easily email me or contact me by any other more reliable means.

Knitterly, I get that you are getting very frustrated with the commentary in this thread.

I just have a couple of questions and I apologize if you have already answered and I missed it.

Why is it more convenient for you to check email or Facebook messages than it is to glance at your cell phone before going to bed for missed calls or text messages? I'm not saying you have to, I'm just asking why?

Also, I think you've indicated your friends are pretty familiar with your daily schedule and know that you are usually home late at night.  But would they not be concerned about making a phone call on your landline at night that might wake up your child? I know I've always avoided calling people with young children after 8pm or so.

Unfortunately, the person initiating the communication is the one who gets to decide how to initiate the communication. I'm not a big texter, but I'd much rather text from my smartphone then email. To text, all I have to do is click on people, the person's name and icon and start typing and click send. For an email, I have to swipe over to my email pogram, click on the address field, start typing the person's name to fill in the email address, click on the subject line and enter something, go to the text area and finish the email and then hit send.  It's only a couple more steps but it is more steps. And your friends may not even have people's email addresses loaded onto their smart phones.

I don't think it is really any fairer of you to try and control how they communicate to you then it is for them to use tools that you don't enjoy.  I think your only options are to set up a google voice account to auto forward your texts, start checking your phone for texts, or just be ok with missing some last minute invitations.


CluelessBride

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1647
Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #211 on: February 11, 2013, 06:46:41 PM »

My complaint is solely getting texts on my cellphone that is not meant for that use about last minute plans (new plans, not plan changes) when it's late at night and I am home and my cellphone is away (or, prior to this thread, was away).  I have asked my friends not to do this.  It still happens. 
It's even  more frustrating when I know for a fact that they are also at home and could just as easily email me or contact me by any other more reliable means.

Just a thought, but you *are* using your phone for last minute plans because you are responding in the affirmative to plans friends are texting you last minute. One problem with this is that it almost sends mixed messages when you say, "oh, I never check my phone, so it's not the best way to reach me" but then they actually are able to reach you and make plans. So instead of registering as "Do Not Text Knitterly, because she will Never see my message," it might be coming across as "texting Knitterly isn't always the fastest way to get in touch, but for low key, informal, impromptu and non-essential things it is an acceptable form of communication".  The first is something I would likely commit to memory. The second wouldn't make the same impression.

If it really is important to you that the change (and based on your posts here, it seems like it is and that's okay), it might be better to use actions rather than words to demonstrate how your preferences. If you were to start missing last minute plans, it might make more of an impression. If you miss a text until it's too late, say so. "Oh, I'm bummed I missed your text. In the future, I'm far more available via email address." Another way to show not tell is to always reply by email or phone. Never answer your cell phone when you are home. Even if you hear it, let it go to voicemail and/or look at the number calling and call them back on your land line. Explain that you are conserving your minutes and add that the land line is usually the best "first contact" number for you (reminding them of the number if necessary).  Make it *more* convenient for them to contact you by your preferred method.

Right now they clearly prefer to text you. You say that you know for a fact that other means of communication are equally convenient for them. But unless you are them, you can't possibly know that for a fact. For example, from the other side, checking a cell phone for text messages is exactly as convenient as checking your email. You could even set the phone up next to the computer. But, you have clearly stated that for you that is not the case. And I believe you. So it is worth considering that even if you don't understand why texting is more convenient for them than emailing, that it is in fact more convenient for them.

As an example, at one of my first internships there was an employee whose mother liked to call his cell phone almost every afternoon with some question or other. It was the type of environment where answering personal calls was okay. But the problem was, cell phones were still relatively new and minutes were very expensive. She'd run his plan out of minutes in under a week. She had been given the work number (also okay), but just didn't want to call it. So he started not answering when she called. She'd leave a voicemail and then he would check it using the work land line. He'd also call her back on the land line. It took a few weeks, but guess who finally started calling the land line?

Kiwichick

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1703
  • Is anyone else hungry now?
Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #212 on: February 11, 2013, 07:17:49 PM »
Why not set your text alert on your phone to the same alert you have set on your PC for email and FB messages, then when you hear it and it's not email or FB you know to check your texts straight away. 

You'll never miss out on a meeting again.

Aeris

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9638
Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #213 on: February 11, 2013, 07:38:19 PM »
I'll be honest, I'm getting confused reading this thread trying to sort when and in what circumstances it's ok to text you and when it isn't. I have to wonder if your friends are experiencing the same basic confusion. It may seem perfectly clear to you, but honestly, the intricacies are a little much for someone else to track.

Mental Magpie

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5273
  • ...for the dark side looks back.
Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #214 on: February 11, 2013, 07:46:47 PM »
I'll be honest, I'm getting confused reading this thread trying to sort when and in what circumstances it's ok to text you and when it isn't. I have to wonder if your friends are experiencing the same basic confusion. It may seem perfectly clear to you, but honestly, the intricacies are a little much for someone else to track.

I think it boils down (please correct me or clarify, Knitterly, if I am wrong): when you know I am home (and you pretty much know my schedule), don't text me because I don't check it.  There are better ways to get ahold of me when I'm home, so please use those.  You can text me when you know I'm out and about, but please don't if it isn't urgent.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Kiwichick

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1703
  • Is anyone else hungry now?
Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #215 on: February 11, 2013, 07:55:17 PM »
So now the OPs friends not only have to remember that she doesn't like to receive texts but memorise her daily schedule as well? 

That's more than I'm prepared to do except for the man I share my life with.

JenJay

  • I'm a nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6036
Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #216 on: February 11, 2013, 08:01:17 PM »
So now the OPs friends not only have to remember that she doesn't like to receive texts but memorise her daily schedule as well? 

That's more than I'm prepared to do except for the man I share my life with.

Actually she doesn't expect them to memorize her schedule, which is why she has asked them to call or email her instead of texting. The issue is that they still texts, which she then misses. If they'd call or email, two forms of communication she has set up to receive immediately, she will be able to make plans.

Roe

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6452
Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #217 on: February 11, 2013, 08:01:31 PM »
So now the OPs friends not only have to remember that she doesn't like to receive texts but memorise her daily schedule as well? 

That's more than I'm prepared to do except for the man I share my life with.

My thoughts exactly.

Mental Magpie

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5273
  • ...for the dark side looks back.
Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #218 on: February 11, 2013, 08:15:01 PM »
So now the OPs friends not only have to remember that she doesn't like to receive texts but memorise her daily schedule as well? 

That's more than I'm prepared to do except for the man I share my life with.

My thoughts exactly.

No, they're not expected to memorize her daily schedule, but what I gathered from the post is that she is always home at about the same time (ie late at night) and she knows they know this about her.  I also wouldn't make these conclusions based on what I said until the OP actually confirms that, as I cannot speak for her. 
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Figgie

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 403
Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #219 on: February 11, 2013, 08:37:10 PM »
We have a cell phone for emergencies.  It is only turned on when we are traveling somewhere.  If someone calls this phone when we are not traveling, they are going to get a message that says something like this:

"Hi, you have reached Joan and Bob.  Please don't leave a message, as this phone is only on when we travel and we don't check it for messages.  If you need to get a hold of us, please call us on our landline at 000-000-0000".

No one has ever had any issue with us doing that.  The message is just to remind people that we really, really, really don't check it. :) 

You can't text on it (either send or receive), so we don't ever get texts from people.  If it is turned on (which means we are traveling), then we answer it since the function of the phone is for us to be able to respond to people when we aren't at home.

The trick is that we are consistent in how we use that particular phone...it truly is on only when we are traveling.

Knitterly

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1562
    • That other knitting blog
Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #220 on: February 11, 2013, 10:10:53 PM »
So now the OPs friends not only have to remember that she doesn't like to receive texts but memorise her daily schedule as well? 

That's more than I'm prepared to do except for the man I share my life with.

No.
I am not expecting that.  I don't think that's ever been implied, either.

Knitterly

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1562
    • That other knitting blog
Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #221 on: February 11, 2013, 10:24:48 PM »
I'll be honest, I'm getting confused reading this thread trying to sort when and in what circumstances it's ok to text you and when it isn't. I have to wonder if your friends are experiencing the same basic confusion. It may seem perfectly clear to you, but honestly, the intricacies are a little much for someone else to track.
I really don't think it's very complicated.  The only time it's okay is when we directly have plans and you are changing the plan.

So, let's say you and I have made plans to go see a movie and grab a coffee.  We plan to meet at CoffeePlace at 6:30pm.  You get delayed getting out of the house and don't manage to leave your place until 6:30pm.  Sure, by all means, please text me to tell me you're going to be late.  Go ahead with it because you know that I'm very likely already there or will be soon and you won't be able to reach me at home.
That's when it's okay to text.

But let's say that we don't have plans and you want to hang out tonight, so you send me a text at 3:30 in the afternoon - a reasonable time for most people to make plans for the evening.  If you do that, there's no way we're hanging out tonight.  I won't get that message.  Even if I do remember to check my phone every day, it's the absolute worst possible way to get in touch with me to make plans.  So if you text me at 3:30pm to ask if I want to hang out at 7pm tonight, we're not going to be hanging out.  Not because I don't want to - I'd probably love to.  I'm probably free.  I usually am.  But we're not going to be hanging out because I didn't get the message.  And I'll be really disappointed and a little hurt that somewhere in that 3.5 hours you didn't pick up the phone to ask if I wanted to make plans, or drop me an email to ask if I wanted to make plans.
Because I'd have loved to.
And we didn't.
Because you asked by the worst possible way.

Does that make more sense?

Sheila Take a Bow

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 777
  • Formerly arija but I felt like a name change.
Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #222 on: February 11, 2013, 10:33:41 PM »
But let's say that we don't have plans and you want to hang out tonight, so you send me a text at 3:30 in the afternoon - a reasonable time for most people to make plans for the evening.  If you do that, there's no way we're hanging out tonight.  I won't get that message.  Even if I do remember to check my phone every day, it's the absolute worst possible way to get in touch with me to make plans.  So if you text me at 3:30pm to ask if I want to hang out at 7pm tonight, we're not going to be hanging out.  Not because I don't want to - I'd probably love to.  I'm probably free.  I usually am.  But we're not going to be hanging out because I didn't get the message.  And I'll be really disappointed and a little hurt that somewhere in that 3.5 hours you didn't pick up the phone to ask if I wanted to make plans, or drop me an email to ask if I wanted to make plans.
Because I'd have loved to.
And we didn't.
Because you asked by the worst possible way.

Does that make more sense?

So, let's say you respond to your friend by email and they're someone who doesn't check their email often - I have a smartphone but I usually don't check my email more than twice a day. But that person does consider texting to be the most convenient way to be reached. Are you willing to text them back to accommodate their preferences?

ccnumber4

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2048
Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #223 on: February 11, 2013, 10:51:58 PM »
But let's say that we don't have plans and you want to hang out tonight, so you send me a text at 3:30 in the afternoon - a reasonable time for most people to make plans for the evening.  If you do that, there's no way we're hanging out tonight.  I won't get that message.  Even if I do remember to check my phone every day, it's the absolute worst possible way to get in touch with me to make plans.  So if you text me at 3:30pm to ask if I want to hang out at 7pm tonight, we're not going to be hanging out.  Not because I don't want to - I'd probably love to.  I'm probably free.  I usually am.  But we're not going to be hanging out because I didn't get the message.  And I'll be really disappointed and a little hurt that somewhere in that 3.5 hours you didn't pick up the phone to ask if I wanted to make plans, or drop me an email to ask if I wanted to make plans.
Because I'd have loved to.
And we didn't.
Because you asked by the worst possible way.

Does that make more sense?

So, let's say you respond to your friend by email and they're someone who doesn't check their email often - I have a smartphone but I usually don't check my email more than twice a day. But that person does consider texting to be the most convenient way to be reached. Are you willing to text them back to accommodate their preferences?

I think this is an excellent idea.  That way, anytime you want to reach your friends, you have to text because it's more convenient for them.  Then you will never miss an important get together, because you'll see the texts they sent when you go to text them.

Your friends have made it clear what their preference is and you have made it clear what your preference is.  If they start missing you and it bothers them, they'll have to change how they communicate with you.  If it bothers you enough, you'll change how you communicate with them.

penelope2017

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3022
Re: I don't text. Really, I don't.
« Reply #224 on: February 11, 2013, 11:45:44 PM »
I would give out my number to be reached at in case of an emergency.  For example..."Magpie is driving across the state right now but her house just burned down!  How will we reach her?  On her emergency cell phone!"  I would give out the number for stuff like that.

You would give out your number to all your friends?  To a cell that you only use for emergencies?  And a cell that isn't even on most of the time? 

I wouldn't.  Doesn't make sense to me, not if I only want to use it for emergencies.  My husband, parents and children would have the number but that's about it.  (if someone else needs to reach me, they can call my DH, parents or child and send along a msg)

Otherwise, giving everyone my number would, IMO, be using my cell as a regular cell and not an emergency cell.

Seeing as I have about 3-4 friends, yes.  4 friends plus the Eagle, the Stork, and the Nestling, that's 7 people total; I may also give it to work due to the nature of my job and a special team to which I belong.  All of these would be the people who would need to reach me in the case of an emergency.

Wait, what are the Eagle, the Stork and the Nestling? Did I miss something in the thread?

For the OP, I think checking your phone a bit more often is a great plan. Also as to why someone chooses to text vs. other methods,  I find texting to take half the time of email and a 1/4 of the time of a phone call. Also I have small children so half the time I can't hear myself think on a phone call with yelling and running around. Texting is my lifeline to talking to family and friends most of the time these days.