Author Topic: S/O I Don't Text - Differing Communication Preferences  (Read 2336 times)

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TheaterDiva1

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S/O I Don't Text - Differing Communication Preferences
« on: February 06, 2013, 07:54:59 PM »
That thread where the OP doesn't text and misses out because her friends to made me think... Say one person prefers communicating by e-mail while the other would rather use the phone.  Pr phone calls/texts.  Those preferences take priority when you need to get in touch?

I'll go into detail if requested, but I don't want this to turn into a debate over which method is best.

WillyNilly

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Re: S/O I Don't Text - Differing Communication Preferences
« Reply #1 on: February 06, 2013, 08:10:47 PM »
In general I think whomever is sending the outgoing message chooses which method they prefer (assuming everyone has access to the methods being used).  If someone who prefers the phone wants to get in touch with me, they can call, even though I prefer texts.  If I want to get in touch with someone who prefers Facebook, I can text since that's my preferred method.

Of course if its important or the initial method is being ignored, then the person sending the outgoing method needs to adjust, just to make sure their message is being received. For example I prefer texting, but my mom only checks her cell once or twice a day, so if I want to get in touch with her right away, I call, because I know she's more likely to answer promptly.

GratefulMaria

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Re: S/O I Don't Text - Differing Communication Preferences
« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2013, 08:20:34 PM »
I think some of it depends on what access each person has to the medium, i.e. not having a smart phone for easier email access, or the other person wants to use my land line and I'm never home.  Is that the kind of thing you mean?  Any way, I'd try to work around a friend's preferences.  I personally hate talking on the phone and prefer text / email / chat, but I'll work around it depending on the context with the other person.

QueenofAllThings

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Re: S/O I Don't Text - Differing Communication Preferences
« Reply #3 on: February 06, 2013, 08:21:15 PM »
My theory is that if it's an emergency, the phone will ring.  Otherwise, I try to check my phone for texts and emails a few times per day.  I don't like it, but it's how the world works now.

Tea Drinker

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Re: S/O I Don't Text - Differing Communication Preferences
« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2013, 10:21:36 PM »
With people I'm close to, it seems to be some combination of how strong the preferences are, and the reasons for them. I would prefer to talk to my mother by phone more often--but her hearing loss doesn't fit well with telephones, so we mostly use IM, and save spoken conversation for when we're in the same place (her hearing aid works better face-to-face, and she can lip-read a bit), or once in a while I pick up the phone and dial because I just miss hearing her voice.

And once in a while I wind up telling people that I don't much like Facebook (every time I think I know what I'm doing, they change the interface, and it seems to require me to check in all the time to avoid missing the information I actually want). I can't force them to email me, and I don't try; I do explain that I probably won't see their latest baby pictures, and that if they need to reach me specifically, any of a phone call, text, email, IM, or actual paper mail is much more likely to succeed.
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Knitterly

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Re: S/O I Don't Text - Differing Communication Preferences
« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2013, 10:52:21 PM »
As the OP of the other thread, it's probably pretty obvious that I feel that you should follow the preferences of the person you are contacting (within reason).

If you know that someone doesn't check their email, it seems kind of rude to insist on emailing them.  Or if the person really doesn't like phone calls before 10am or after 10pm, it seems rude to insist on calling them before 10am or after 10pm. 

I think communication is a balancing act between the initiator and recipient, with both sides giving in a little.

ladyknight1

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Re: S/O I Don't Text - Differing Communication Preferences
« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2013, 11:05:57 PM »
I have a pretty open mind when it comes to communicating. The worst way to contact me is to send paper mail. It takes a week for me to get mail, unless it is sent priority mail. All of my elderly relatives have passed on, and my mom is good with facebook, using her cell phone and email. My aunt and I send emails, as she hates facebook and has a limited cellular phone account. I am on facebook primarily to keep up with friends and family that live all over the planet. I learned the hard way that it is best for me to be in communication with people I care about, rather than relying on someone else to give me information. I have missed too many last chances to be with family and friends that I will never have again.

My mother-in-law just got an email account, but she only checks it once a week, so there is no point in sending her an email. If I call her cellular phone, I get snapped at for wasting her minutes. I can't win there.

CrochetFanatic

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Re: S/O I Don't Text - Differing Communication Preferences
« Reply #7 on: February 06, 2013, 11:40:47 PM »
I'll communicate by IM and private messages, and (less frequently) email.  I don't text, and I don't use the phone unless I have to.  Actually, I don't even have a cell phone.  ;D  I guess I just hate being reachable, and have to gear up to it sometimes.  I'm definitely the exception, not the rule.

baglady

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Re: S/O I Don't Text - Differing Communication Preferences
« Reply #8 on: February 07, 2013, 01:44:36 AM »
I don't think it's about whose preference should take priority -- sender's or recipient's. It's about what's the most effective and efficient method for reaching a specific person. Everyone uses technology differently. I've learned, often through trial and error, what my friends' communication preferences are, and I'll use the one that's most likely to reach them. Email and Facebook are my preferred methods, but if I have an urgent message for someone who logs into FB or checks email only sporadically, I'll call them instead.

When Bagman first got online, our friend Bagbuddy and I were already Internet junkies, but we both had dial-up. I used to tell people that if I wanted to talk to Bagbuddy, I had to email him to tell him "Get off the computer and call me!" but if I wanted to email Bagman, I had to call him to tell him "Check your email!"
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Allyson

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Re: S/O I Don't Text - Differing Communication Preferences
« Reply #9 on: February 07, 2013, 02:15:56 AM »
I think that if someone has a lot of friends and family, it can be near-impossible to keep track of who likes what. Especially since preferences can change with circumstances. Alex likes texting except when his phone runs out, Bonnie has a Facebook but never checks it, Carole has free calling on evenings and weekends but better not call her on a weekday, David emails frequently when he's at school but when at home is almost impossible to get ahold of, Emily has to pay for incoming texts and you better remember that or she'll get very upset...I often will see Facebook posts from people correcting how others communicate with them.

I think that the sender can use whatever method they like within reason (carrier pigeons aren't practical this time of year) but if it's urgent, should really try multiple methods if the first one doesn't work. It's a little bit silly to text someone, and then get angry when they miss something, when you never tried emailing or calling. I'd hope close friends and close family could come to an agreement, but what I find is that generally those whose preferences coincide tend to communicate more. I text people and hate talking on the phone, so I tend to communicate more with my friends who also text.

blarg314

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Re: S/O I Don't Text - Differing Communication Preferences
« Reply #10 on: February 07, 2013, 03:26:40 AM »

I think it depends a lot on the situation, and it can go either way.

If someone doesn't have access to texting, then sending them texts is kind of pointless. But texting is a fairly common method of communication, so someone who chooses not to text may miss out on stuff in situations where texting is a logical option.

Texts and emails are ideally suited to mass communication, unlike phone calls which have to be made one on one. So if a group uses email and/or texts to send information, it's getting SS to demand that you get a personal phone call from the organizer because you don't check your email.

I do think there is a bit of a ranking. Phone calls and voice mail are the oldest and most widely available method of contacting someone (actually, letters are, but that's on a different timescale), so that's probably the safest option. Email is next, due to it's wide availability. Texting is third, because not all people have phones that can do texting, and because texting on an old style phone can be very cumbersome.

And it's not reasonable to expect that everyone is going to recognize and remember your personal quirks (and keep up to date with them when they change). Close friends and family, sure, but it may take some repetition and explanation. With casual acquaintances or distant family you may never get the message across. 

athersgeo

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Re: S/O I Don't Text - Differing Communication Preferences
« Reply #11 on: February 07, 2013, 07:09:37 AM »
For me, nothing grinds my gears faster than when someone does something I've explicitly asked them not to.

To give you an example: I was driving up to London to meet up with some friends. I'd offered to pick people up from the railway station as I passed, if they wanted but (and here's the important part) they had to ring me to say so. Not text. Ring. I have a hands free earpiece, so I can (legally)  answer calls while driving; I categorically, CAN'T answer texts (it's illegal and also downright stupid). I also asked that people only get in touch with me if they WANTED a pick up.

What does Moron do? Texts me to say "No thanks, walking".

I was doubly fuming when I read it - not only had she forced me to find somewhere to pull over (which is not easy when you're on a motorway/highway); she'd forced me to find somewhere to pull over for no actual reason.  >:(

So my general feeling is if people have specifically asked you to contact them in a particular way, please use that means of contact. It might just be for a very, very good reason.

CluelessBride

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Re: S/O I Don't Text - Differing Communication Preferences
« Reply #12 on: February 07, 2013, 08:29:32 AM »
As the OP of the other thread, it's probably pretty obvious that I feel that you should follow the preferences of the person you are contacting (within reason).

If you know that someone doesn't check their email, it seems kind of rude to insist on emailing them.  Or if the person really doesn't like phone calls before 10am or after 10pm, it seems rude to insist on calling them before 10am or after 10pm. 

I think communication is a balancing act between the initiator and recipient, with both sides giving in a little.

Does this mean that you always text your friends because that's what they seem to prefer?

I agree with your second statement - that it's a balancing act. I also think it's one that depends a lot on what the communication is. For last minute plans, texts are a really nice balance between urgency (they go immediately to the phone, so for most people, especially those without smart phones will be read prior to email - although I know that's not the case for you Knitterly) and intrusion (they are easier to ignore than a phone call and easier to reply to very quickly - no drawn out conversation). For a long discussion-type conversation a phone call is usually best. For a somewhat one-sided conversation, or one in which you don't need an immediate back and forth, emails may be easier.

But those guidelines are independent of the person. When dealing with people, it makes sense to keep in mind the preferences and technological limitations of *both* parties.  But from both sides (sender/receiver), you have to realize if you are only going to use one method of communication, you may miss some things.


Knitterly

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Re: S/O I Don't Text - Differing Communication Preferences
« Reply #13 on: February 07, 2013, 08:46:46 AM »
As the OP of the other thread, it's probably pretty obvious that I feel that you should follow the preferences of the person you are contacting (within reason).

If you know that someone doesn't check their email, it seems kind of rude to insist on emailing them.  Or if the person really doesn't like phone calls before 10am or after 10pm, it seems rude to insist on calling them before 10am or after 10pm. 

I think communication is a balancing act between the initiator and recipient, with both sides giving in a little.

Does this mean that you always text your friends because that's what they seem to prefer?

I agree with your second statement - that it's a balancing act. I also think it's one that depends a lot on what the communication is. For last minute plans, texts are a really nice balance between urgency (they go immediately to the phone, so for most people, especially those without smart phones will be read prior to email - although I know that's not the case for you Knitterly) and intrusion (they are easier to ignore than a phone call and easier to reply to very quickly - no drawn out conversation). For a long discussion-type conversation a phone call is usually best. For a somewhat one-sided conversation, or one in which you don't need an immediate back and forth, emails may be easier.

But those guidelines are independent of the person. When dealing with people, it makes sense to keep in mind the preferences and technological limitations of *both* parties.  But from both sides (sender/receiver), you have to realize if you are only going to use one method of communication, you may miss some things.
No, when I email them, my emails go to their cellphone and they get them as instantly as they would receive a text, so I go the email route because it's cheaper for me and has the same end result for them (instantly receiving the message on their cellphone).  So, as far as I am concerned, emailing in that instance is the same as texting.

Like I said, communication is a balancing act.

Perfect Circle

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Re: S/O I Don't Text - Differing Communication Preferences
« Reply #14 on: February 07, 2013, 08:56:05 AM »
I agree the preference of the person initiating the contact takes preference unless there are mitigating circumstances - for example I wouldn't email my grandmother because she doesn't have email.

I cannot remember all the preferences of my friends and that does not mean I don't care about them. I just have to think about it practically. So if you email me, I will email you back. If you text me, I'll text you back. I will contact you through my preferred method depending on what it is I need to communicate to you.
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