Author Topic: Late Again for the final time  (Read 9536 times)

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Virg

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Re: Late Again for the final time
« Reply #45 on: February 11, 2013, 04:53:39 PM »
LV426 wrote:

"King Tut was definitely the last straw."

On the plus side, she did provide you with the opportunity to say this, which most certainly would never have come up in your lifetime otherwise.

Virg

JoieGirl7

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Re: Late Again for the final time
« Reply #46 on: February 12, 2013, 01:20:00 AM »
I think you were rude. Etiquette is about behavior and its not ok for an adult to chastise another adult like you did.
 
You had plenty of notice before that event that she was the way she was.  Reading your OP I find it almost ridiculous that you would invite someone you knew to be chronically late to a very time sensitive event and even pay for their ticket up front!

Her being a crappy friend doesn't excuse your behavior.  You should have done things long before this to mitigate the affect her bad habits had on you or cut off he friendship.  Inviting her to the King Tut exhibit was just borrowing trouble.

Was she rude to you?  Yes!  Over and over and over again!    So,  when that happens, do something about it so that you don't get to the point where you lose it.

katycoo

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Re: Late Again for the final time
« Reply #47 on: February 12, 2013, 01:41:02 AM »
I would have ditcher her by now too.  I don't mind people who are always slightly late.  Like 15-20 mins.  2 hours on a regular basis is ridiculous.

I will say, I have been 2 hours late for a lunch with a friend.  INSANE traffic.  Road closure on a motorway.  Difference: I was in constant contact with her updating.  Plus I told her several times she could go if she needed to. She was very generous, and waited for me.

For future ref: If you need to give someone a ticket, adn they are not there on time, write their anme on it and leave it with the office for TEHM to collect.  You shouldn't miss out on anything because someone else was late.

Bethalize

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Re: Late Again for the final time
« Reply #48 on: February 12, 2013, 05:36:30 AM »
I've posted this before, but here it is again: http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/506/are-you-always-late.html


iridaceae

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Re: Late Again for the final time
« Reply #49 on: February 12, 2013, 06:38:09 AM »
I think you were rude. Etiquette is about behavior and its not ok for an adult to chastise another adult like you did.
 
You had plenty of notice before that event that she was the way she was.  Reading your OP I find it almost ridiculous that you would invite someone you knew to be chronically late to a very time sensitive event and even pay for their ticket up front!


She [the OP] is also a human and most humans are not walking talking etiquette books. She got pushed to her breaking point and told off her friend. This is life. Life happens.

Erich L-ster

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Re: Late Again for the final time
« Reply #50 on: February 12, 2013, 08:37:56 AM »
I think you put up with this woman for far too long. What is wrong with your other friends that they believe you should continue to pound your head against a wall and be *pooped* on by this person?

Winterlight

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Re: Late Again for the final time
« Reply #51 on: February 12, 2013, 11:17:25 AM »
I also noticed how if it was something she wanted to do like when I got her tickets to the ballet (I didn't go I hate the ballet), she was able to get there on time and not miss the show. But when I scheduled something for us to do and/or paid for it, she was never on time.  Even after I told her that being late is very insulting to me. She was even late to her own birthday party. She scheduled an event and made reservations at this place and she only lived 15 min from the place. I lived an hour. I got there 10 min early. She was 30 min late. The rest of us sat around waiting for her because we couldn't go in without as the reservation was in her name. And since she was late we ended up having to do something different because the room she had reserved was now taken by another party for their time slot.

So it's pretty clear that she could get places on time. She just chose not to and didn't care that she incovenienced other people.

I don't think she's a loss.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

Mikayla

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Re: Late Again for the final time
« Reply #52 on: February 12, 2013, 12:02:15 PM »
I think you were rude. Etiquette is about behavior and its not ok for an adult to chastise another adult like you did.
 
You had plenty of notice before that event that she was the way she was.  Reading your OP I find it almost ridiculous that you would invite someone you knew to be chronically late to a very time sensitive event and even pay for their ticket up front!


She [the OP] is also a human and most humans are not walking talking etiquette books. She got pushed to her breaking point and told off her friend. This is life. Life happens.

But I think the point Audrey was making is she chose to get pushed to her breaking point.  And then her response, if you're going strictly by etiquette, was over-reactive.

I tend to agree.  I'm sorry all this happened, but it's just hard to fathom repeatedly banging one's head against the wall. 

finecabernet

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Re: Late Again for the final time
« Reply #53 on: February 12, 2013, 07:55:06 PM »
I think you were rude. Etiquette is about behavior and its not ok for an adult to chastise another adult like you did.
 
You had plenty of notice before that event that she was the way she was.  Reading your OP I find it almost ridiculous that you would invite someone you knew to be chronically late to a very time sensitive event and even pay for their ticket up front!

Her being a crappy friend doesn't excuse your behavior.  You should have done things long before this to mitigate the affect her bad habits had on you or cut off he friendship.  Inviting her to the King Tut exhibit was just borrowing trouble.

Was she rude to you?  Yes!  Over and over and over again!    So,  when that happens, do something about it so that you don't get to the point where you lose it.

It might have been better to do that in private, but otherwise I don't blame you for losing it (it's perfectly human). I'm of the 10-15 min. late style myself and so don't want to cast stones, but this is excessive. I have a friend who does stuff like this all of the time, and we've just stopped making plans with her.

ladyknight1

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Re: Late Again for the final time
« Reply #54 on: February 12, 2013, 08:23:10 PM »
OP, I have been in a similar situation and am glad to have cut off that relationship.

Dindrane

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Re: Late Again for the final time
« Reply #55 on: February 12, 2013, 10:09:58 PM »
As a general rule of etiquette, it is rude to berate people under nearly all circumstances. In private as well as in public, but especially in public.

I don't think the OP was rude for expecting the friend to be on time, but I do think she was rude to berate her for being late. I can understand why the OP was so upset, but in the end, she created the situation that allowed her anger to get beyond her ability to control it, and she responded to the rudeness of her friend by being rude herself. It doesn't make her harsh, but it does make her rude.

There were plenty of ways she could have communicated basically the same thing without being rude. Probably the best of them would have been to refuse to attend the exhibit with her at all because she couldn't trust the friend to be on time. At the very least, telling the friend that she would only see the exhibit with her on the condition that she arrive on time (and if she was late, the OP was going on without her) would have avoided the need to confront the friend in public.

Even though we all make mistakes, we also all have a responsibility to own up to our behavior and acknowledge when we have been wrong.


Shoo

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Re: Late Again for the final time
« Reply #56 on: February 12, 2013, 11:44:52 PM »
I tend to think that when someone behaves as egregiously as the OP's former friend did, that person is in desperate need of being berated.  I do not think it is rude.  I think it is the natural consequence of treating people like dirt.  Justice is not rude.

JoieGirl7

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Re: Late Again for the final time
« Reply #57 on: February 13, 2013, 12:53:08 AM »
I tend to think that when someone behaves as egregiously as the OP's former friend did, that person is in desperate need of being berated.  I do not think it is rude.  I think it is the natural consequence of treating people like dirt.  Justice is not rude.

It's not justice.  It's letting your temper get out of hand.
 
Just because someone treats you like dirt doesn't mean you get to do the same to them.

The OP had plenty of chances to use proper behavior to mitigate the friend's affect on her life.

If I wanted to enjoy an event where I had to show up at a certain time, the very last person I would ask to go with me (and pay a ticket for) is someone who has a long history tardiness.  And in this case, extreme and ridiculous tardiness.

Going off on her is not only rude to her, its rude to the other people who had to witness the drama.  It's uncalled for.
 
By contrast, the story on the front page today about the children crawling under stalls and invading the privacy of strangers would call for that kind of outrage in the moment.

That's a truly shocking thing where one could be forgiven for their behavior being over the top.

This is not.  It's just not.  The friend had such a long history that you could see it coming in the story a mile away.

It would not have been rude for the OP to not wait for her friend, not try to get the ticket to her, etc, etc.  Missing the event is a natural consequence.  Your friend not waiting for you is a natural consequence.

Being yelled at in public is just rude.  And don't think that the friend is not using it to her advantage.  Still, instead of being the friend who is disrespectful to others by being late all the time, is the "wronged" party here.

Not only is it rude, but it accomplishes nothing.  The friendship was not going to salvaged.  There is no good point to what the OP did except for venting her spleen.
 
We cannot give others that much power over our behavior.  It's an important lesson.  Enforce your boundaries so that you don't get pushed to the brink.
 

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Late Again for the final time
« Reply #58 on: February 13, 2013, 01:03:08 AM »
We can't all be angels or walking etiquette books. I can understand why someone can get upset.

There are limits, and all the OP did wrong was being too nice to this person to let them get away with it for so long.

Maybe, just maybe, if this Katey Latey has enough people at her like this she might learn something, rather than just being late all the time.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

JoieGirl7

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Re: Late Again for the final time
« Reply #59 on: February 13, 2013, 01:26:20 AM »
We can't all be angels or walking etiquette books. I can understand why someone can get upset.

There are limits, and all the OP did wrong was being too nice to this person to let them get away with it for so long.

Maybe, just maybe, if this Katey Latey has enough people at her like this she might learn something, rather than just being late all the time.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

You don't need to read an etiquette book to know that its rude to take your anger out on someone.  If she truly had been blindsided by the friend's rudeness then maybe it could be forgivable but she knew very well how the friend was for the whole friendship!

Even the OP acknowledges that she was rude!