Count your Blessings

[MamaMootz]

Not sure if this should go in technology because it involves Facebook, but I'm putting it here because it involves real life situations with the commentary made.

I posted something on Facebook about a certain situation that I personally find upsetting. My cousin, who is also a minister, responded to my comment with a rather preachy reply asking me questions like "Do you have your health? A husband that loves you? A great job?" and went on to say that I should count my blessings. This has me annoyed because  she is invalidating my feelings on the original issue.

It's like when someone is complaining about having the flu because they don't feel good, and someone turns around and says "Count your blessings! At least you don't have cancer!"

This kind of thing drives me nuts. I realize as a minister she is in the business of putting a positive spin on things, but for goodness' sake, I'm allowed to feel bad about something without having to worry about comparing myself to someone else who has it worse. I get it. Someone else will ALWAYS have it worse.

Etiquette comes in here: what do I say to her in response that is still polite, but also lets her know this comment isn't really OK with me?

[Amara]

"The fact that others have worse things to deal with or that I have other blessings in my life--and those are facts--does not vitiate the pain I feel about this."

[DottyG]

Amara says it perfectly, I think.

[Sharnita]

Oh, while I appreciate your prayers and support for my toothache, of course I encourage you to pray for everyone with cancer too.

[auntmeegs]

CRUD MONKEYS!, I can. not. STAND that!  I am a really easy going person and do not have many pet peeves, but it makes me crazy when people do this.  It could always be worse, I suppose, so does that mean we are never allowed to complain about anything, ever?  Because somewhere in the world there are people living in huts with no running water so you should just be thankful? 

I wouldn't even reply, I would simply delete his comment.

[WillyNilly]

I would reply "what a mean, heartless thing to post.  Of course I count my blessings but even the blessed have upsetting moments. I would think a person of the cloth would have some compassion."  Throw it right back at her.  She is invalidating you. And it was a nasty thing to write, meant to literally belittle your feelings.

[CaffeineKatie]

Postings like hers are why Facebook has a delete button--as I said to another OP earlier, it's YOUR wall, so feel free to delete annoying, depressing, belittling, nagging postings as you see fit.

[mmswm]

I generally find myself saying the exact opposite of that to my friends.  Sometimes my friends will make a comment to the effect of "I don't want to complain about <random health issue with their kids> because I know how much worse your kids have it."  Yup, two of my kids have a bone disease and it sucks.  There's nothing we can do about it except live life as fully as we can.  That doesn't mean that your kids' broken bone/sprained joint/bout with the chicken pox doesn't suck for them.

You have a right to feel less than happy when cruddy stuff happens to you. I don't know, however, if there's anything you can say when people try to belittle your pain.  I agree with the poster that advised to simply delete the comment.  It's your page.  You get to choose what's on it.

[GSNW]

Agreed - delete the comment.  This kind of nagging at people who share something upsetting is so rude and really quite snotty.  I wouldn't be surprised if she asks why it was deleted, but you feel free to tell her - "Stop complaining and count your blessings, some people don't even have a computer on which to view their friends' complaints!"

[oceanus]

I would not respond.
Delete the comment.
Facebook fights ~~>ICK.    Waste of time and energy.

[gramma dishes]

...    feel free to tell her - "Stop complaining and count your blessings, some people don't even have a computer on which to view their friends' complaints!"

 

[JenJay]

Agreed - delete the comment.  This kind of nagging at people who share something upsetting is so rude and really quite snotty.  I wouldn't be surprised if she asks why it was deleted, but you feel free to tell her - "Stop complaining and count your blessings, some people don't even have a computer on which to view their friends' complaints!"

 

I once saw a reply along the lines of "Sooo.... you're complaining that I'm complaining?" 

[snappylt]

I'll bet, if she attended an accredited seminary, that that sort of reply was not how she was taught to reply to her parishioners' concerns.

Would it be retaliatory rudeness on your part to point out to her that you shared a concern and she replied by putting you down and completely invalidating your concern?  Would it be rude of you to point blank ask her if that how she was taught to treat parishioners?

[CakeEater]

I counted and came up with 326 blessings. However, I still have [upsetting situation] going on. A virtual hug would be appreciated.

[LifeOnPluto]

I would reply "what a mean, heartless thing to post.  Of course I count my blessings but even the blessed have upsetting moments. I would think a person of the cloth would have some compassion."  Throw it right back at her.  She is invalidating you. And it was a nasty thing to write, meant to literally belittle your feelings.

This is a great response!

To me, "count your blessings" is like saying "first world problem", for any issue that doesn't involve starvation, or living in a war zone, or being at death's door, etc.