Count your Blessings

[Luci45]

I'll bet, if she attended an accredited seminary, that that sort of reply was not how she was taught to reply to her parishioners' concerns.

Would it be retaliatory rudeness on your part to point out to her that you shared a concern and she replied by putting you down and completely invalidating your concern?  Would it be rude of you to point blank ask her if that how she was taught to treat parishioners?

I wouldn't cast aspersions on her education without knowing more, but I'll bet she's forgotten to practice what she was told.

In our minimal training about how to talk with victims of natural disasters, the first thing we are taught is everyone's pain is to be validated. We need to feel as sympathetic to the family that was without power for a few days as to the family whose home was washed away completely. In practicing that, I've learned that it's true - everyone's pain is equally important.

I would be tempted to go snappy's route, but it really is better to delete and forget.

I hope your upsetting situation is resolved.

[paige =^..^=]

Saw this on Pinterest, thought it might be appropriate:

[Amava]

Saw this on Pinterest, thought it might be appropriate:

Nice one!
The sad thing is that some people actually do just that.
We had a topic here in the hugs folder a couple of days ago from someone who was snapped at by a stranger: "What do you have to smile about?" this "gentleman" asked her. 

Seems like to some people we just can't do good. If we're sad, we have not enough reason to, and if we're happy, we have not enough reason to, either. What are we supposed to do to, just walk around emotionless like robots.


OP, as for "counting your blessings": I force /myself/ to do that sometimes, but I would never tell someone else to do that. I'm all for gently trying to help a sad person look on the bright side of life, but not in a condescending and dismissive way, because that is indeed much less than helpful!
You would be totally within the right to call this lady out on her dismissive behaviour and explain to her why her attitude is not helping you at all. Gently. I'd approach it from a positive angle, voicing that I know she is probably trying to be helpful;  but explain why it doesn't help at the moment.

[Girlie]

I would reply "what a mean, heartless thing to post.  Of course I count my blessings but even the blessed have upsetting moments. I would think a person of the cloth would have some compassion."  Throw it right back at her.  She is invalidating you. And it was a nasty thing to write, meant to literally belittle your feelings.

This is a great response!

To me, "count your blessings" is like saying "first world problem", for any issue that doesn't involve starvation, or living in a war zone, or being at death's door, etc.

POD.

While I've seen "first world problem" used appropriately, it is very rare.

"Count your blessings" is not, in and of itself, a bad thing, either, but it's appropriateness is in who says it, who it is said to, and what it is said about; ie. I can understand a parent saying that to a disgruntled teenager upset about not having the newest, expensive piece of clothing or technology. I cannot give a pass to someone who lectures someone about how lucky they are that they "even have a job," when the conditions aren't great, the environment is awful, and the pay isn't nearly high enough. 

In general, it is better to err on the side of caution and say nothing. In the event that someone says something like that to you, I recommend ignoring it (in person), or deleting it (online). 

[Luci45]

While I've seen "first world problem" used appropriately, it is very rare.

"Count your blessings" is not, in and of itself, a bad thing, either, but it's appropriateness is in who says it, who it is said to, and what it is said about; ie. I can understand a parent saying that to a disgruntled teenager upset about not having the newest, expensive piece of clothing or technology. I cannot give a pass to someone who lectures someone about how lucky they are that they "even have a job," when the conditions aren't great, the environment is awful, and the pay isn't nearly high enough. 

This is a good point. I use it on myself often and when I explained this to the person in charge of our training, he said that it is a good coping mechanism for me. Just don't put it on anyone else inappropriately.

[Piratelvr1121]

I tend to let the person who's complaining be the one to say "It could be worse" or "I should count my blessings" because it is a very belittling thing to say to someone else unless what they're complaining about does seem very trivial and superficial, ie a pp's mention of a teen whining because they don't have the latest phone/video game system.

[weeblewobble]

I counted and came up with 326 blessings. However, I still have [upsetting situation] going on. A virtual hug would be appreciated.

Dang it, where is the "like" button?

[MamaMootz]

OP here - i think I'm going to use CakeEater's line. I love it. I have just ignored the comment so far, because she is a very nice person and I know she means well.

[gen xer]

Saw this on Pinterest, thought it might be appropriate:

Nice one!
The sad thing is that some people actually do just that.
We had a topic here in the hugs folder a couple of days ago from someone who was snapped at by a stranger: "What do you have to smile about?" this "gentleman" asked her. 

Seems like to some people we just can't do good. If we're sad, we have not enough reason to, and if we're happy, we have not enough reason to, either. What are we supposed to do to, just walk around emotionless like robots.


OP, as for "counting your blessings": I force /myself/ to do that sometimes, but I would never tell someone else to do that. I'm all for gently trying to help a sad person look on the bright side of life, but not in a condescending and dismissive way, because that is indeed much less than helpful!
You would be totally within the right to call this lady out on her dismissive behaviour and explain to her why her attitude is not helping you at all. Gently. I'd approach it from a positive angle, voicing that I know she is probably trying to be helpful;  but explain why it doesn't help at the moment.

Exactly.  Counting your blessings isn't a bad thing and can give people some perspective on a situation.  I try to force myself to do it too and wish other people would try....but actually saying that to someone comes off as very sanctimonious and belittling.  Nothing discourages someone from opening up more than thinking you're going to get a pious speech that negates your feelings.  People feel what they feel....and I say this as somewhat of a reformed "Buck up it could be worse" kind of person who was not always the most patient with a lot of emotional drama.

We all have things that bother us that wouldn't bother someone else to the same degree.  I admit to struggling to understand why situation X might be so distressing to someone....but they might struggle to understand why situation Y is so distressing to me.

[oceanus]

I would reply "what a mean, heartless thing to post.  Of course I count my blessings but even the blessed have upsetting moments. I would think a person of the cloth would have some compassion."  Throw it right back at her.  She is invalidating you. And it was a nasty thing to write, meant to literally belittle your feelings.

This is a great response!

To me, "count your blessings" is like saying "first world problem", for any issue that doesn't involve starvation, or living in a war zone, or being at death's door, etc.

Why "throw it back at her" on Facebook, of all places?
I don't see that as a great response at all, unless one likes to keep FB fights going.

[cicero]

This kind of thing drives me nuts. I realize as a minister she is in the business of putting a positive spin on things, but for goodness' sake, I'm allowed to feel bad about something without having to worry about comparing myself to someone else who has it worse. I get it. Someone else will ALWAYS have it worse.

is that really true? i didn't think that ministers necessarily are in the business of putting a positive spin on things. i would actually expect a little /lot of empathy from a minister. Yes, they can try to do the whole "count your blessings" things - but that would come way after "wow. i'm so sorry to hear. sounds like you are having a really tough time right now. is there anything i can do to help?"

i use the "count your blessings" on myself when i find myself feeling down about stuff, but i never say it to someone else. most of us are pretty much aware of the good we have in life, but that doesn't really make us feel great when we have to do root canal and have no insurance (or money), or when the fridge, washer and water heater all go on the same day

[suzieQ]

This is the attitude I've gotten from my Mom my whole life. Someone else ALWAYS has it worse. I finally stood up to her (I'm in my 40's now) this past year and told her to *never* give me that garbage again.
I don't know how old your FB friend is, but I'm thinking she may never have had any hard blows in her life.
I can only imagine someone who has sailed through life with no big difficulties can say that kind of thing.

[bonyk]

I would reply "what a mean, heartless thing to post.  Of course I count my blessings but even the blessed have upsetting moments. I would think a person of the cloth would have some compassion."  Throw it right back at her.  She is invalidating you. And it was a nasty thing to write, meant to literally belittle your feelings.

This is a great response!

To me, "count your blessings" is like saying "first world problem", for any issue that doesn't involve starvation, or living in a war zone, or being at death's door, etc.

Why "throw it back at her" on Facebook, of all places?
I don't see that as a great response at all, unless one likes to keep FB fights going.

I agree.  I think "person of the cloth" escalates it into personal attack territory.

[scotcat60]

We've all said "Mustn't grumble" or " Could be worse", but sometmes you have to let loose and grumble. Keeping it to yourself can be bad for you.  This count your blessing smacks of reducing you to unimportance, as though you have no right to complain. It's like saying "That's not fair" and being told "Life isn't fair sometimes" We know it's not, but if we all sat down and said that all the time, things would never be changed for the better.

[MamaMootz]

OP here. I replied to her on the thread and said something along the lines of while it is great to count my blessings and I do realize I have a lot of them, the issue I complained about upset me and there is nothing wrong with that. She simply replied "soldier on" so I'm assuming she got the message.