Taking spirits to dinner question

[Iris]

This is based on a RL situation but I'll make it as vague as possible to get unbiased opinions.

The question is this: You are invited to dinner at a friend's house and when asked what to bring the friend says "Booze!". You purchase a bottle of wine and also a spirit and mixer because you know friend would like to try a new combo you have found. At the end of the evening is it acceptable to take the remainder of the bottle of spirits home with you?

[gramma dishes]

LOL!!  When I read the title to the thread, I had visions of your taking a few of your favorite apparitions out for a nice friendly dinner!  I assumed your question would be something about should you order for the ghosts since the server would not be able to either see or hear them?     

In answer to your actual dilemma, if you choose to take wine and even if they open it there but don't drink it all, I'd leave it. 
The hard stuff I think is your call, but if you plan on retrieving any leftover to take back home with you, I'd make that clear from the moment you step in the house.  "I brought along our bottle of *type of spirit* and a package of mix so that you could try it. (Insert big smile here.) But we'll be taking any leftover back home with us."  If there's only a smidgeon left, I wouldn't bother though.

[Acadianna]

Could you make a big pitcher of "spirit + mixer" -- bring the pitcher, leave the bottle home?

[Deetee]

I think it's OK, but I would only do that with close friends and I would be clear that "I bought this for myself and then thought you might like to try some so I brought some over to share."

Or if I wasn't comfortable with that I would bring a mickey instead of a full bottle. That would be my choice if I was going to the house of someone I didn't really well or if  it was a party where lots of drinking would happen.

If someone brought it to my house, I would be happy with whatever they decided. The fact they brought wine takes any stinginess out of it.

[WillyNilly]

I think in general if you bring it, its for the host. But there are exceptions. If this is a close friend and you are basically helping them out by bringing some booze, because they are unable to afford to host, almost like a liquor potluck thing, its ok. I do definitely think it should be said as you arrive though, to avoid awkwardness later.

When I was young - 21 or 22 ish - a very close friend got her first apartment and was planning a party. She was young and poor; we all were. She asked me to bring cosmo makings. Well that's like $40+ of ingredients (vodka & triple sec, plus lime juice & cranberry). I did, as well as some snack food. At the end of the night there was almost no vodka or cran left, but plenty of triple sec and lime. I went to take those 2 back. She called me out as rude. I was mortified, and ticked. It wasn't a hostess gift, it was me helping her throw the party she wanted, at her request, and it was expensive. I took it anyway, but over 15 years later I still remember the incident annoyingly.

[Iris]

Thanks guys. This is dinner with one of DH's friends and his wife and DH really wants to take his new fave drink for them to try, but thinks they'll all only have a couple each, plus I don't drink spirits so he didn't want to leave $$ worth of his favourite behind, as well as wine and beer that we are taking (and would definitely leave, opened or not). I was uncomfortable so we agreed to bring it to Ehell.  I'd still rather not do it, but since it is DH's friend rather than mine I'll just go with the flow. He really appreciated the tips on bringing it up relatively gracefully.

Mind you, nights out with this couple tend to run expensive because they are big spirits drinkers so there may not be any left anyway. 

[CakeEater]

Can you take it in a cooler bag, and offer to pour friend a glass, then return it to your own cooler bag? In my circles, It's very common to BYO drinks for everything and take home your leftovers. But I'd definitely be taking home a bottle of spirits, regardless.

[Zilla]

Liquor stores will sell various sizes in popular spirits.  Large, medium, small and teeny.  Can't your husband just buy the smaller size enough to make a few cocktails?

[Yvaine]

LOL!!  When I read the title to the thread, I had visions of your taking a few of your favorite apparitions out for a nice friendly dinner!  I assumed your question would be something about should you order for the ghosts since the server would not be able to either see or hear them?     

Glad I wasn't the only one! 

[NyaChan]

Can you share what the drink is?  It might help with coming up with an alternate solution.  Though, in my circle, if someone showed up with a bottle of liquor for only a few people, I'd assume they were taking it home with them.  It would help make that clear if you bring the drink fixings all packaged together in a container that would obviously be returning home with you, like a cooler as someone mentioned, rather than a plastic bag.

[LadyR]

In my circle you'd leave it, but in our youth we got in the habit of having a "booze box" that travelled from party to party. All leftovers were put in in the box at the end of the night and left for the host to enjoy until the next party, where s/he brought the box to our next party.

[camlan]

I'd avoid all awkwardness and not take the spirits. Instead, I'd invite the couple over to your home in the next week or two, and share the new drink with them there.

[gramma dishes]

I'd avoid all awkwardness and not take the spirits. Instead, I'd invite the couple over to your home in the next week or two, and share the new drink with them there.

Good idea!  Different tactic altogether!

[jpcher]

I'd avoid all awkwardness and not take the spirits. Instead, I'd invite the couple over to your home in the next week or two, and share the new drink with them there.

Good idea!  Different tactic altogether!

Yup! I agree . . .


either that or leave the bottle there.

[Iris]

Thanks guys. We actually had to leave or dinner just after my second post so it's done. In the end I just decided to ignore the whole issue and let DH do whatever he wanted to because it's his friend and he knows better than me what the culture is. As I said, my preference would have been to leave it there. That's how the whole conversation got started actually - DH came home from the bottle shop and said what he'd bought and I said "That's a hell of a lot of alcohol to take. Do you really want to spend that much money on one dinner at someone's house?" He was quite shocked that my assumption was that we would leave it there. When we socialise as a couple it's usually with my friends and I'm planning/buying so it's never really arisen before. 

For those who were interested, he's recently discovered a mix of alcoholic ginger beer, lime and vodka and wanted to take it over to share with these friends. In the end they already had a bottle of vodka in the freezer so didn't want ours left anyway although DH insisted on using ours when mixing for them. I was sitting at the table with my wine while they were fussing about mixing drinks so I didn't really feel part of the whole exchange anyway. I figure at least now DH is aware of the general rule so hopefully he'll use it in the future, but I wouldn't have taken vodka to a dinner party anyway so what would I know