Shower Tomorrow-What Should I Do?

[StoutGirl]

Hi E-Hellions!  I am hoping you can help me out here.

There was supposed a baby shower for a close friend of the family on Sunday.  When my mom went to RSVP today (I know, last minute, not very proud of her), she found out that it was moved to tomorrow due to nasty weather forecasts.  My mom told the host that I might be coming.  In this circle of friends, they are very flexible so it is usually not considered a huge deal if I come or not (my name was also on the invitation by the way). 

I am having a few issues with this whole shower thing.  One is that I hate going to showers.  Two is that I have been feeling like a major Debbie Downer lately and I just don't want to socialize or go anywhere if I don't absolutely have to.  Three is that I am making a gift for the mother to be and between school, work, and the project being more work that I ever dreamed of (25 hours already!), it is not done and I feel kind of embarrassed about not bringing a gift.  The mom to be's sister had a baby a couple of years ago and I sent a handmade gift along (I had to work that day), and I'm worried that it will be noticed that I did not bring anything.

I was thrilled when it was originally scheduled for Sunday because I had to work.  When my parents asked me tonight if I was going to the shower tomorrow, I said that I wasn't exactly planning on it.  I got the "Why???" question and my Dad strongly feels that I should go because someday, I might have a bridal shower or event where these family friends will be invited and if I don't attend their events, the won't attend mine.

So what is everyone's opinion?  Do I try to put a smile on my face and go, despite the gift not being done?  Or should I try to just say that I am not feeling well and stay home?  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.   

[Rohanna]

If you think the guest of honor would like  you to be there, and it's not a huge time imposition,  and your hatred of showers isn't too horribly intense- I'd probably go for the sake of "family" harmony. I frequently go to events that I know I won't "love", even if I'm not in a great mood, just because I know they mean something to the person I care about. I consider that a small price for friendship. I know that while an invite isn't a summons, but I try to balance my own desires with what I feel are social niceties.

However- if going is going to make you utterly miserable, or it's a huge inconveniance- then I wouldn't go and I'd send a card and my regrets. I'd then meet with the guest of honor once my item was done to pass it on privately.


Long story short? You certainly don't have to go- and you have every right to refuse, but it would probably be nice and make your parents and friend happy if you can go.

[cicero]

If you think the guest of honor would like  you to be there, and it's not a huge time imposition,  and your hatred of showers isn't too horribly intense- I'd probably go for the sake of "family" harmony. I frequently go to events that I know I won't "love", even if I'm not in a great mood, just because I know they mean something to the person I care about. I consider that a small price for friendship. I know that while an invite isn't a summons, but I try to balance my own desires with what I feel are social niceties.

However- if going is going to make you utterly miserable, or it's a huge inconveniance- then I wouldn't go and I'd send a card and my regrets. I'd then meet with the guest of honor once my item was done to pass it on privately.


Long story short? You certainly don't have to go- and you have every right to refuse, but it would probably be nice and make your parents and friend happy if you can go.

I agree. Sometimes, even when i'm "not exactly in the mood" i sort of force myself to go, and end up enjoying myself (or at least not feeling any worse than i felt before!).

Re the gift - maybe just give a card and write an "IOU" in the card, explain that you are making her a handmade gift and it's not ready yet.

[Sharnita]

Could you give them a picture of the work in progress, a copy of the pattern you are using, something of that nature?

[m2kbug]

This is a little difficult.  There are plenty of times where I'm feeling Debbie Downer and attending such an even feels like a major hardship, but I go, and it turns out to be a fantastic time and just what I needed.  Other times it has felt like a chore, but this is more rare.  I usually err on the "good times" aspect and attend.  This one is all you.  Given the last minute switcharoo, I think you have a reasonable excuse not to attend.  You already had other obligations, sorry.  If your dad feels it's that important, then he can attend.  Seriously, I pulled this on my husband once when he got all opinionated on my attendance.  You go.  If it's that important to you, then you go.  I have a test next week and I'm behind and I have work and I'm not going.  You go.  You go find the perfect gift, wrap it, show up, play the toilet paper game and safety pin game and socialize and have fun.  I'm staying home.  In my defense, I went through a nine month period where, no joke, I had a baby shower or wedding shower about every single weekend, plus the occasional BBQ, family meal, anniversary, or birthday celebration...I was seriously OVER attending one more event and buying one more gift.  For hubby, how easy to be opinionated because he didn't have to be at 75% of these events. 

As for the gift, even if the original Sunday plan was still in place, it doesn't sound like your gift is complete, you just had an easy excuse to not attend, bypassing the no-gift issue.  I think a nice card with a picture of the work in progress enclosed (or IOU sort of written note) would be a good solution.  You will probably have fun and enjoy mixing it up with people you don't get to see very often.  I know I would very much appreciate a hand-made gift, even if it wasn't ready on the date of the shower.  The hand-made gifts are such a treasure.  You really shouldn't be worrying about this one at all.

[NyaChan]

I think it depends on whether you can fake it well or not.  One of my biggest pet peeves is when people who don't want to be somewhere show up anyways whether out of obligation or out of a desire to not be left out, but can't hide it from everyone else.  The change in date is a good enough excuse as is the short notice.  Give the gift on your own later.  If you do think you can handle and have fun, then I don't think the gift not being ready is a bad thing.  Take a card and maybe a pic as someone else suggested

[peaches]

my Dad strongly feels that I should go because someday, I might have a bridal shower or event where these family friends will be invited and if I don't attend their events, the won't attend mine.

I've said these same words to my children - not for any specific event, but in a general way. If you want family and friends to support your special times, support theirs.

That's just a general principle. I can understand not being able to make it to a particular event, for any number of reasons.

If you decide not to go, I suggest sending a nice card (your mother could take it), explaining inside that you're excited about the baby, and you're working on a blanket/booties/whatever, which you'll deliver as soon as it's finished.



 
 

[Bijou]

I would probably go, knowing that spending a couple of hours there would allow me to feel good about it and put a period at the end of that sentence.

I love the idea of a picture of the work in progress and possibly as an example, a picture of a finished item (so they know what you are making.  Sometimes works in progress don't exactly look like anything   .) 

You could make it a really fun gift with a pretty little box and inside samples of the materials you are using, maybe tied in a bow for a keepsake, pictures of the work in progress and pictures of how it should look when done.  You could include samples of the materials you are using (a piece of yarn, little piece of fabric, maybe tied in a bow for a keepsake). 

[m2kbug]

I've said these same words to my children - not for any specific event, but in a general way. If you want family and friends to support your special times, support theirs.

That's just a general principle. I can understand not being able to make it to a particular event, for any number of reasons.

This is something I do, but never really put it into words like this.  Thanks!

[StoutGirl]

Thanks everyone.

Just an update:  I ended up going.  It was okay.  Just okay.  I did let the mom to be know that her gift was on the way.  I'm still kind of sad that I didn't have it done for the shower so everyone to see it because it is looking AWESOME so far.

[peaches]

Thanks for giving an update.

I'm sure the mom-to-be appreciated your showing up.

The gift your making sounds wonderful - handmade gifts are the best IMO and will be treasured.