I had an awesome shiny spine moment this morning!! With my mother. I always have a really hard time standing up to her.
I am a little shakey, since it wasn't well received, and I know it is going to continue to come up. But now that I've stood my ground once, I am hoping it will be easier to stand firm and disengage in the future.
My mom's best friend's daughter is getting married soon. We've been invited to the wedding and also to the bridal shower. Unfortunately, the bridal shower is in a few weeks and we just got the invite yesterday. The BTB and her family are wonderful, gracious people.
I am unable to attend the shower, as I have long-standing plans for the same day involving a much closer personal friend. I am still planning on attending the wedding, though.
My mother called me this morning about it, and I let her know that I would not be attending, as I already had a commitment. Well... for the reaction I got, I might have told her that I thought her best friend is an orc and her daughter is an ugly gremlin with hair coming out of her ears and nails for teeth.
I was subjected to the "Sigh of Deep Disappointment" (my mother's trademark guilt-trip starter). I was reminded how they came to my wedding. And my baby shower. And LK's birthday party. Even though they live 3 hours away and it was inconvenient for them, too. And I owe it to them. Etc. Etc. Etc.....
"Well, mom, it's just not possible for me to go. I have had a commitment for that day for over a month. I have already RSVP'd. They understand."
I got the "Sigh of Deep Disappointment" again along with the "Well, okay then" (in the tone that communicates that it is Very Not Okay!).
But I won't be bent. I won't change my plans. I spoke with the sister of the bride and told her what my plans were and her reaction was extremely gracious and understanding as she said that they will looking forward to catching up at the wedding.
I'm feeling a little bit victorious.
I know it's far from over. It will come up at least twice between now and then, with my mother calling me, begging me to reconsider. I've already got my script written for me.
"I'm sorry, that won't be possible."