Baby clothes

[LilacGirl1983]

Hey I was wondering something and I was hoping you ladies could help me. One of my friends when she found out we were pregnant wanted to know what the baby was so she could give us her outgrown children's clothes of that sex since she wasn't having any more and no one else was pregnant. We found out and told her. We arrange to get the clothes since she lives elsewhere and when she was dropping off the clothes she said something about wanting them back when we were done..Which was news to me since she never mentioned that... Well I called to confirm since whenever I give something to someone which are hand me downs I don't expect them back. She said yes she wanted them back since her SIL was trying for a baby and she could pick them up if we didn't want them. I said we could use a lot of them but the ones we couldn't we can give back. Then I asked well what about when when we are done since we plan on more kids..well what she wants us to do is mark all of them so she can get them back after the baby outgrows them and if we have more then we buy our own...She originally said nothing about that and sounded happy to get rid of them due to storage...now I feel almost like we are being used for storage with the side benefit of getting some clothes to use for a short term basis. So each time baby out grows the set of clothes we have to ring her up and set up a time for us to drop off the clothes..she lives an hour a way.

I guess I was confused..and a little upset since I now have to go through the clothes and hopefully remember which are hers and which are ones I bought..my husband doesn't think anything of it..I thought I might have been a bit rude asking all the questions trying to clarify it..So what is the etiquette of giving hand me downs from friends? I am very grateful for the clothes just a bit mystified.

[Tilt Fairy]

I think the best thing to do would be to try your hardest to separate her clothes from your clothes and just return the whole lot to her. It does seem unusual to ask for hand me downs back. Its not really a charitable gift but more a temporary item you can borrow to help you out. I wouldn't like it much either. But since she has told you this, I think it would be better, stress-free and better for piece of mind in the long run to not accept anything and just buy your own. Otherwise you'll be walking on eggshells with the clothes. That way there is no awkwardness. Maybe tell her that you can't guarantee that the clothes would remain unsoiled and you don't want to have to upset her by not being able to hand her clothes back in a good condition (babies are messy!). Even though the clothes may be helpful for you in the short term, with how attached this friend seems to be to these baby clothes and that her wording has indicated that 'the clothes are still her property' instead of an unequivocal gift to you, I think it would be better to just let this go. Otherwise it may lead to more upset on both parties further down the line.

At least if you buy your own clothes, you are not obligated to anyone. Just thank her and let it go. Return the whole lot.

[Sharnita]

could you mark the tags or something to identify them?  and if your husband sees it in no big deal put him in charge of sorting and doing inventory.

[Harriet Jones]

I'd just go ahead and return them all, rather than trying to mark them or keep them separate.

[delabela]

Well, in my circle, there are clothes that have cycled through several babies, and have made their way back to the original owner.  And people try to get "speciality" items like coats back to who it came from.  But asking to mark them and return them as they are outgrown seems to be be more work than they're worth.  I'd just give them all back, no hard feelings, and do some secondhand store shopping.

[Thipu1]

This offer may sound generous but it's likely to be more trouble than it's worth.  When you have a new baby, the last thing you need to do is ride herd on every last bit of baby clothing. 

I would decline with thanks. 

[WillyNilly]

It definitely sounds annoying.  But since she is ok with you marking them, I'd get a fabric marker and put an X on each item's tag now, or inside the collar.  It won't take long and its easy to do.  Then as your kid out grows them, just wash and chuck into a box.

I really wouldn't make a big deal over making arrangements to return them though.  You drove out to pick them up, right?  Well her SIL can drive over to you when its her turn - its easier for a pregnant person to pick something up then a for a parent to drop them off.

[LilacGirl1983]

Thanks. I wasn't sure if I was being annoyed for no reason or not..As for returning them I will need to do that the next time I see her..she dropped them off and on the way out the door literally said that...so I only caught 1/2 the message and had to call and clarify.

[Erich L-ster]

I would give them all back ASAP too. Too many strings attached, deal changed after you had them, it could change again due to her whims.

Baby clothes are likely to be stained with food, poo, knees worn from crawling....who could realistically expect to get them all back anyway?

[peaches]

This style of "lending" is unusual, but not unheard of. And I think it's more trouble than it's worth.

Some in DH's family do this, but they loan out baby equipment rather than clothing. I never took them up on it. It's too much trouble to remember who gave what and to worry about keeping it in pristine condition.

If you return the clothes, you can say "We figured out that we wouldn't need them after all. But thanks for the offer."

Babies and little kids don't need a ton of clothing. They grow so fast that it's not worth it to make a big investment. Buy a few things and wash frequently. And you can shop at garage sales and thrift stores, if money is an issue.

[mmswm]

I'd pack them up and give them all back as soon as humanly possible.  Babies can be really hard on clothes and I would not want to be worried about keeping a bunch of hand me downs clean so they could be given back, let alone the stress of trying to keep those items separate from everything else.

[Just Lori]

Three siblings in my husband's family had their first babies within six months of each other.  There was a lot of lending clothes back and forth, especially for those early months when babies seem to wear an outfit once or twice before moving into the next size.  We just put our initials on the tag.  When we were cleaning out the outgrown clothes, the tagged items went into a pile and went back to the original owner.  It really wasn't as hard as it sounds.

[snowdragon]

I'd just go ahead and return them all, rather than trying to mark them or keep them separate.

This is what I would do.

[Tilt Fairy]

I'd just go ahead and return them all, rather than trying to mark them or keep them separate.

This is what I would do.

Me too. Way too many strings attached. You really don't want someone hovering over you and breathing down your neck over the clothes they have "loaned" you, even if they do have good intentions.

[HoneyBee42]

I agree--I would just return them asap.  I've had things offered to me on that sort of "I want my stuff back after" and I have never accepted those offers. It just is more bother than it's worth--especially given that the OP is thinking of additional future children.